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Hi ryanc, welcome and thanks for sharing!

I had a similar experience with Catholicism as a child, being preached to and not buying it. I also had trouble wanting to be very good but always causing pain. I've managed to kind of force that part of myself into a dark alter-ego that I seek to destroy, but he always evades me, but that's just my crazy way of dealing with my own sins.

I felt the touch once myself. I had just been given DMT for the first time and have been speculating for a while on whether or not to try it out, when one day out of no where I felt the warmth o God just reaching down and filling me and saying, "Yeah, I'm here, you can come visit anytime with that stuff, or you can stay home, I'm with you and love you no matter what," and it left. I don't think I will ever recapture it, but it's ok for me to just know it's there.

Hyperspace Fool gives about the best advice you can get there. I remember I spent a long time chasing God through the rabbit hole, at least a few hours spent screaming into the mirror, and never felt anything. The day I decided to let it go and just have fun with my trips was the day the light came to me.

1. Memory is kind of a strange thing out there. The way it works for me is that I go in expecting not to remember anything, and usually I come out with a few clear images and a distinct concept of what happened, who I met and so on. I think most people would agree, if you meet the Boss and ask nicely he'll probably let you remember his voice or touch. From your story I imagine he will have great sympathy.

2. I can't say myself, I've never tried to specifically navigate, when I'm at those heights I tend to just follow the Blue Lady and avoid the insects, and if you get lost in the time travels you can teleport back to the beginning and try again.

3. These guys are almost always just bags of hot air. I wouldn't worry about finding them on your first outing, the benevolent and neutral entities tend to notice travelers early on, and the bad guys tend to only show up for the folks that push too hard. Usually. Two pieces of advice: For the deception you fear, I recommend coming up with at least a couple of specific "facts" that you believe in regardless of what they say, for example "God exists". If they tell you otherwise, have faith in yourself and call them out, which leads to the second one; for the bullies, do your best to brave and be ready to fight back. This can be dangerous, from what I hear DMT won't let you fight if it doesn't want to, but I can usually stare the Devil down if he dares to show up. Fear is one of their weapons, so if you're not afraid, they're disarmed.

Also the point you mentioned about shame is somewhat important, but you really shouldn't feel too shameful about it. Simply feeling bad and apologizing for your wrongdoing, when you're up there, can be the greatest redemption and cleansing a person can experience.

I guess, in short, we're with you, He's waiting. Don't be afraid, come and see!

<blockquote data-quote="wet_rabbit" data-source="post: 3478378" data-attributes="member: 9951">Hi ryanc, welcome and thanks for sharing!I had a similar experience with Catholicism as a child, being preached to and not buying it.&nbsp; I also had trouble wanting to be very good but always causing pain.&nbsp; I&#039;ve managed to kind of force that part of myself into a dark alter-ego that I seek to destroy, but he always evades me, but that&#039;s just my crazy way of dealing with my own sins.I felt the touch once myself.&nbsp; I had just been given DMT for the first time and have been speculating for a while on whether or not to try it out, when one day out of no where I felt the warmth o God just reaching down and filling me and saying, &quot;Yeah, I&#039;m here, you can come visit anytime with that stuff, or you can stay home, I&#039;m with you and love you no matter what,&quot; and it left.&nbsp; I don&#039;t think I will ever recapture it, but it&#039;s ok for me to just know it&#039;s there.Hyperspace Fool gives about the best advice you can get there.&nbsp; I remember I spent a long time chasing God through the rabbit hole, at least a few hours spent screaming into the mirror, and never felt anything.&nbsp; The day I decided to let it go and just have fun with my trips was the day the light came to me.1. Memory is kind of a strange thing out there.&nbsp; The way it works for me is that I go in expecting not to remember anything, and usually I come out with a few clear images and a distinct concept of what happened, who I met and so on.&nbsp; I think most people would agree, if you meet the Boss and ask nicely he&#039;ll probably let you remember his voice or touch.&nbsp; From your story I imagine he will have great sympathy.2. I can&#039;t say myself, I&#039;ve never tried to specifically navigate, when I&#039;m at those heights I tend to just follow the Blue Lady and avoid the insects, and if you get lost in the time travels you can teleport back to the beginning and try again.<img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😉" title="Winking face&nbsp; &nbsp; :wink:" src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/nexus/unicode/64/1f609.png" data-shortname=":wink:" /> 3. These guys are almost always just bags of hot air.&nbsp; I wouldn&#039;t worry about finding them on your first outing, the benevolent and neutral entities tend to notice travelers early on, and the bad guys tend to only show up for the folks that push too hard.&nbsp; Usually.&nbsp; Two pieces of advice:&nbsp; For the deception you fear, I recommend coming up with at least a couple of specific &quot;facts&quot; that you believe in regardless of what they say, for example &quot;God exists&quot;.&nbsp; If they tell you otherwise, have faith in yourself and call them out, which leads to the second one; for the bullies, do your best to brave and be ready to fight back.&nbsp; This can be dangerous, from what I hear DMT won&#039;t let you fight if it doesn&#039;t want to, but I can usually stare the Devil down if he dares to show up.&nbsp; Fear is one of their weapons, so if you&#039;re not afraid, they&#039;re disarmed.Also the point you mentioned about shame is somewhat important, but you really shouldn&#039;t feel too shameful about it.&nbsp; Simply feeling bad and apologizing for your wrongdoing, when you&#039;re up there, can be the greatest redemption and cleansing a person can experience.I guess, in short, we&#039;re with you, He&#039;s waiting.&nbsp; Don&#039;t be afraid, come and see!</blockquote>

[QUOTE="wet_rabbit, post: 3478378, member: 9951"] Hi ryanc, welcome and thanks for sharing! I had a similar experience with Catholicism as a child, being preached to and not buying it. I also had trouble wanting to be very good but always causing pain. I've managed to kind of force that part of myself into a dark alter-ego that I seek to destroy, but he always evades me, but that's just my crazy way of dealing with my own sins. I felt the touch once myself. I had just been given DMT for the first time and have been speculating for a while on whether or not to try it out, when one day out of no where I felt the warmth o God just reaching down and filling me and saying, "Yeah, I'm here, you can come visit anytime with that stuff, or you can stay home, I'm with you and love you no matter what," and it left. I don't think I will ever recapture it, but it's ok for me to just know it's there. Hyperspace Fool gives about the best advice you can get there. I remember I spent a long time chasing God through the rabbit hole, at least a few hours spent screaming into the mirror, and never felt anything. The day I decided to let it go and just have fun with my trips was the day the light came to me. 1. Memory is kind of a strange thing out there. The way it works for me is that I go in expecting not to remember anything, and usually I come out with a few clear images and a distinct concept of what happened, who I met and so on. I think most people would agree, if you meet the Boss and ask nicely he'll probably let you remember his voice or touch. From your story I imagine he will have great sympathy. 2. I can't say myself, I've never tried to specifically navigate, when I'm at those heights I tend to just follow the Blue Lady and avoid the insects, and if you get lost in the time travels you can teleport back to the beginning and try again.😉 3. These guys are almost always just bags of hot air. I wouldn't worry about finding them on your first outing, the benevolent and neutral entities tend to notice travelers early on, and the bad guys tend to only show up for the folks that push too hard. Usually. Two pieces of advice: For the deception you fear, I recommend coming up with at least a couple of specific "facts" that you believe in regardless of what they say, for example "God exists". If they tell you otherwise, have faith in yourself and call them out, which leads to the second one; for the bullies, do your best to brave and be ready to fight back. This can be dangerous, from what I hear DMT won't let you fight if it doesn't want to, but I can usually stare the Devil down if he dares to show up. Fear is one of their weapons, so if you're not afraid, they're disarmed. Also the point you mentioned about shame is somewhat important, but you really shouldn't feel too shameful about it. Simply feeling bad and apologizing for your wrongdoing, when you're up there, can be the greatest redemption and cleansing a person can experience. I guess, in short, we're with you, He's waiting. Don't be afraid, come and see! [/QUOTE]