First Bad Trip, but totally avoidable next time

[ProjectMoondog]

As an aspiring artist,I first started my spiritual quest in order to essentially expose and redirect myself to myself, in attempt to perfect my art to my best capabilities. to perfect a form of art in which mine would, i guess, be an extension of my soul/spirit, and to contribute them to the new Spiritual Revolution of Art( Thank you Terrence Mckenna)in my own way. i was determined to go where others would not. To knowingly, and intentionally drive myself into the depths of the unknown, like an eager child eyeing through vivid kaileidoscope of knowledge and truth, Spirit and mind, Body and Earth.

But yesterday, i received a higher dose of Dmt than my casual dose of 10 -30 mm.
i took 60 mm this time, and when my friend asked me if i was "ready", instinctively i thought i was...

I thought that just because i was a frequent cannabis User,studied a little bit on dmt and its effects, that i would understand..

i took the initial hit and the smoke came in casually. nothing yet.
i then took the second hit and then closed my eyes for a second, while holding the smoke in.
instantly, even though my eyes were closed, i knew something around me had changed. i opened my eyes and everything was so colorful. maybe i dont remember ever last detail, but ill try my best to describe it:

i turned to my two friends and their faces were recognisable, except the colors around their faces seemed painted in brush strokes. i then watched as the room around me rippled like water and the shapes around me became distorted and disporportional. Colors that werent there before had revealed themselves and i was surrounded in a beautiful room of color. i had forgotten everything i knew and was just living in a single strand of a moment, and time was irrelevant and completely forgoten, as well as all my worries and thoughts about my normal life..but then..

as soon as my friend said " Are you ok?"

i spoke with my eyes closed saying "yes", but then it seemed like my subconscious mind started to battle my conscious mind, and filling it with doubt, making me question if i was ok or not. then i slowly started to panic and suddenly an immense fear for my life and brain filled my mind. but my subconscious mind was telling my conscious mind that i was going to die at that moment, which was strange because i never feared for my life so intensily.
im normally a person who is usally unafraid of things like even the thought of death, but my emotions and thoughts in that moment ran so fast and so intensely. it was like, in a second i was thinking over 10 different things all at once but being able to feel and experience them individually, and all the emotions that erupted from each subject. i dont remember all the things i thought about but i felt like i had schizophrenia.

while i was freaken out and thinking i was going to die, my conscious mind kept trying to reassure myself that i was going to be fine. i was thinking,

"your not going to die, your brain wont be dammaged, this is all my bodies reaction and panic is taking over"

while all this was going on my friends were still talking casually about something. i didnt understand what they were saying for a second but i understood that the tone in their voice was english. while still Panicing, my mind was struggling to choose who to listen to:

my friends, and the pull of their convesation, or my conscious or subconscious mind?

looking out the cracked door in my friends room i saw the beautiful colors of outside that finally reassured and calmed me down.
Before i smoked the dmt, it was a beautiful bright sun with green and yellow grass, trees and a little pond puddle underneath them and the light glistened on top of the water, with heat waves waving in the air and distorting the scene like a mirage.
But at that moment colors that werent there also revealed. and the waves of heat by the grass turned into transparent but at the same time colorful snakes, or worms just withering in the light.

and slowly the effects started to calm down and that was that.


although i didnt "breakthrough to the Otherside", im still satisfied with the fact that i faced a side of me that i never knew was there.Obviously everyone has the capability of fear but its strange how emotions can just be harnessed on cue like that. another reason why i think i paniced was because in the begining i came into it thinking:

"alright, lets see what i can salvage from this to use for my Art"
i was basically trying to stay in control of my conscience

but i realized that u have to be completely accepting of the experience,
apparently,its not about TAKING the experience, but more of just letting things be.

I think if your conscious mind tries to fight for authority, you will end up being in a choke hold by your own mind

there are still alot of blanks in this trip, because SO MANY THINGs were happening all at once, that if i could have remembered everything i could have wrote a 20 page essay on everything that i learned in that period.

it came in the intensity of an epiphany but in the speed of a rocket

man i cant wait to break though.. haha hell yeah

i'll definetly be more prepared for it nextime tho. I hope?
perhaps meditation before?

~cheers Everybody :]

 

[ragabr]

Hi ProjectMoonDog! It sounds like you've got a good grasp on how to prepare for your next journey. I definitely suggest an atmosphere that respects the uncertain nature of DMT. Perhaps journeying alone, or at least where your friends don't hold casual conversation while you go deep. Thank you for sharing all of this. Be cool, be well.

 

[stevowitz]

YAY! another artist :]

sweet skull btw.

yeah, I would definetly try a dose alone...you can go WAY further inside the rabbit hole with no distractions.

 

[88]

... my friend said " Are you ok?"

:shock:

...while all this was going on my friends were still talking casually about something.

:shock: :shock: :shock:

No way! You really have to train your sitters, man - or go in alone. A sitter shouldn't be talking while you're inside. Or asking questions. Anyone in the room with you while you're Inside needs to be utterly, completely silent. If they haven't experienced Spice, then I don't see the point of having them in the room.

Spice is really not a particularly sociable pursuit ... you go in alone. You are going to be pretty much catatonic for the duration. A sitter can be a very positive thing, but it is going to screw up your journey if they're blabbering while you're exploring hyperspace, or generally ignorant of the experience.

Good luck

 

[syn]

Would have to agree with A) Setting ...sounds like too many cooks in your brains kitchen... and also it was stated B) Sitter ...I'm sure he was trying to help but to even question your being or not being "OK" makes for a "Not OK" experience.... Trust me I'm not blaming him ...I had to fight myself to keep from asking my wife the same thing and just let her ride it out ...he was obviously concerned about your well being and that's good but I think this sensitive state, as my wife stated it, requires solitude or very near it.

1 sitter can be good ....3 or 4 "observers" can be a train wreck ...just my completely un-"professional" opinion...I'm still very much a baby in this realm.

It's funny how another's journey can teach you LoL....Like I said my wife went under and I wanted to assure her, ask her if she was alright, ....something....but my own experience told me to let her be until she made it clear she was mostly "out".

If you want grounding maybe have them "interrupt"....if you want a breakthrough then you need to be left in it's clutches....alone or as near it as possible.

Many references are made in these forums as to the delicacy of the breakthrough state....though reality is easily ripped and torn away, the formulation/solidification of another dimension/plane of it can be disturbed by even the proverbial butterfly's wings.