First of all an update from my last post. I continued doing small doses unscaled until a more accurate scale arrived. During these low doses I saw lots of colors and found that with my eyes closed I would see the same designs almost every time. It almost always looks like a wall with millions of `pieces` arranged in columns which were all on different plains..... it`s impossible for me to explain but it seems like every time the exact same design catches my attention. It`s a yellow circular design that reminds me of a ladybug when really it looks nothing like one.
Now before the breakthrough dose I had weighed up 3 or 4 hits approx 25mg each. I did these hits experimenting with different breathing techniques hoping to breakthrough. These attempts were unsuccessful and I was left seeing the `fractal`(not sure if i am using this word correct, mind my English) wall and my yellow ladybug. One of these hits was done no more than an hour before my breakthrough.
After the unsuccessful hit I did something careless that is very much out of my character. I loaded up the GVG with an eyeball 30 mgs. I then took the deepest, longest hits I could handle. Almost immediately i knew it was going to be different. I felt the intensity in my chest, it was similar to the low doses except much stronger. I had a bandanna over my eyes to block the sunlight.
As the intensity became stronger the fractal wall appeared only this time i wasn't looking at the fractal wall, i was surrounded by it, it was a cylinder around me. I saw the lady bug spinning as well and ended up focusing on it as usual. I had remembered people online saying to focus on your breathing to calm yourself and that is where my problem began. I tried to breath but I couldn't, i was gasping but felt no air entering my lungs. This was the most awful feeling i had ever had. I laid there gasping for air while the cylinder spun around me. I had the feeling of something looking down into the cylinder watching me die.
This whole time I remembered I had smoked dmt.... i remembered that I need to let my mind go and stop trying to breathe but it was impossible. I was so shocked that I was letting DMT beat my mind, i knew i was losing and that I couldn't let go. I repeated Love over in my head when i realized focusing on breathing was useless. I found repeating love and love over again was also useless, I knew i was just distracting myself. At one point I said to myself that I need to just wait it out no matter how long it feels and it did feel like forever.
When the wall stopped spinning i was in a room identical to my own room, nothing was where I had left it and some objects were unrecognizable. I can`t tell if i was able to breath but the feeling of dying was replaced with the most warm and alive feeling I have ever felt. There was a female presence, almost like a sort of ancient statue just there. She knew I was there but it seemed as if we were both observing each other. She also wasn't completely full, more transparent. My bandanna was gone and I vaguely remember thinking about quiting smoking. She said nothing but I got the feeling in my head that she had told me `we will worry about that if you ever come back`. At this time I had been undecided if dying was worth being reborn.
I felt something slipping down my face and i closed my eyes again for a good 5 minutes before opening them and taking off the bandanna. I found it interesting that my computer had been kicked off the end of my bed. I had no sitter so I have no idea what had happened while I was gone. I literally thought I had missed my job interview that was 5 hours after I had smoked.
DMT is something i want to share with everyone now but I don`t think many can handle the pre-death I went through and I thought I had it all figured out.
The things i remember the most are the dying and how long and agonizing not being able to breathe was, also the sudden feeling of enlightenment. The rest i remember but it's hard to tell if that is exactly how it happened or if my memory is playing tricks and enhancing themselves.
I think I'll be trying it again someday soon but I have had enough for one day. Thanks for letting me share my experience and as always sorry for my poor English, i have difficulty with some uses of it.
Now before the breakthrough dose I had weighed up 3 or 4 hits approx 25mg each. I did these hits experimenting with different breathing techniques hoping to breakthrough. These attempts were unsuccessful and I was left seeing the `fractal`(not sure if i am using this word correct, mind my English) wall and my yellow ladybug. One of these hits was done no more than an hour before my breakthrough.
After the unsuccessful hit I did something careless that is very much out of my character. I loaded up the GVG with an eyeball 30 mgs. I then took the deepest, longest hits I could handle. Almost immediately i knew it was going to be different. I felt the intensity in my chest, it was similar to the low doses except much stronger. I had a bandanna over my eyes to block the sunlight.
As the intensity became stronger the fractal wall appeared only this time i wasn't looking at the fractal wall, i was surrounded by it, it was a cylinder around me. I saw the lady bug spinning as well and ended up focusing on it as usual. I had remembered people online saying to focus on your breathing to calm yourself and that is where my problem began. I tried to breath but I couldn't, i was gasping but felt no air entering my lungs. This was the most awful feeling i had ever had. I laid there gasping for air while the cylinder spun around me. I had the feeling of something looking down into the cylinder watching me die.
This whole time I remembered I had smoked dmt.... i remembered that I need to let my mind go and stop trying to breathe but it was impossible. I was so shocked that I was letting DMT beat my mind, i knew i was losing and that I couldn't let go. I repeated Love over in my head when i realized focusing on breathing was useless. I found repeating love and love over again was also useless, I knew i was just distracting myself. At one point I said to myself that I need to just wait it out no matter how long it feels and it did feel like forever.
When the wall stopped spinning i was in a room identical to my own room, nothing was where I had left it and some objects were unrecognizable. I can`t tell if i was able to breath but the feeling of dying was replaced with the most warm and alive feeling I have ever felt. There was a female presence, almost like a sort of ancient statue just there. She knew I was there but it seemed as if we were both observing each other. She also wasn't completely full, more transparent. My bandanna was gone and I vaguely remember thinking about quiting smoking. She said nothing but I got the feeling in my head that she had told me `we will worry about that if you ever come back`. At this time I had been undecided if dying was worth being reborn.
I felt something slipping down my face and i closed my eyes again for a good 5 minutes before opening them and taking off the bandanna. I found it interesting that my computer had been kicked off the end of my bed. I had no sitter so I have no idea what had happened while I was gone. I literally thought I had missed my job interview that was 5 hours after I had smoked.
DMT is something i want to share with everyone now but I don`t think many can handle the pre-death I went through and I thought I had it all figured out.
The things i remember the most are the dying and how long and agonizing not being able to breathe was, also the sudden feeling of enlightenment. The rest i remember but it's hard to tell if that is exactly how it happened or if my memory is playing tricks and enhancing themselves.
I think I'll be trying it again someday soon but I have had enough for one day. Thanks for letting me share my experience and as always sorry for my poor English, i have difficulty with some uses of it.
