First breakthrough, death, no devine intervention

[shroomelina]

Hello everyone,last wednesday i had my first "breakthrough", and i have a strong urge to share and ask other members few essential questions.
sorry for misspellings...

Im 25 have experience with all kind of psychadelics,i was reborn, ive been god, ive been an old witch, a bird, ive been nobody with no past or nothing to ground me, or so i thought...
Last wednesday i was sitting with my boy freind by the river and we had a break up talk, I had some very strong changa in my bag, so i told him im gonna hit the pipe, cuz i want to get away, i thought that reality of our reltionship and the present has nothing with my trips cuz im all above this, boy i was wrong...

so i hit the pipe, few second later my worst nightmare began, i dont remember how it started cuz it was more like an atom bomb droped on me, a chaos of this broken up geometrical forms in colours of green and pink and white all above me so fast so strong that i forgot what happend, forgot that i just took a hit, i was dying, i felt my body dying, it was like it was shiting, peeing, puking, it self out like all my organs exploaded, crashed, i thought to my self, fuck no its not my time to die, i dont want to die, im young, my mom will be so sad, once i thought of my mom there were no diffrence between me and her, i was her expriencing that trip, i rememberd my boy freind sitting next to me but the minute i thought about it i couldn't tell who is who, am im him or he is me, no sense of self evrything was just mixed up together, this voices was telling me that im awful for doing what im done, i was screaming in my mind that it was awful for peeking such a lame time to die, emotions of strong guilt, sadness, crying overflew me, all the shit ive been through my life was the reality, the tears i havn't cried was stuck in my throat, by that time i tried to stand up, opened my eyes, stood up, but the trees was so intense and colorfull that i couldnt even look at them, my body was shiny and pink and smooth,to beatiful to watch like a baby lizard, i didnt shit my self as i thought, i understood i wanst dying but then the fear of going insane and staying like this forever in this soup of my inner sadness and guilt took over, i looked at my boyfreind he was green, bright green lights and spirals was coming out of our bodies, i layed down in baby pose, preying to who ever can hear me to make it stop, i just wanted to comeback to normal to earth where i belong...it lasted forever

few minutes after i was okey, very happy to be back, to see those beautiful trees as they are, to see the dragonflies fly around me in such natural beautiful way, the first thing i said is that, and i believe its the most importent lesson ive learned from this exprience "we are nothing, but dust on this earth we can die each and evrymoment and it wont matter", more then that: this earth, u may say an illusion like i used to say so many times, but if this is an illusion then its the most suitable and the most comftorable and safe for us , human creatures, we r home, i can relax im not from k-pax, or from andromeda, im not superman or god (on this earth) im me a tiny creature with a heart that just wants to be happy, to enjoy the saftey of this planet, the little things, a new spark of curiosity lighted up about our everyday reality wich i so ignorently used to slander. I knew that god had nothing with my exprience and that it was far away from devine inervention or any thing spiritual like that, i felt as drugs has nothing to do directly with god but with our inner selfs wich is pritty cool and an interesting, beautiful place to explore, in balance of course and with caution...

now questions: during the trip i felt no entetity that guided me, just my own subconscious raging against me to chose such a tricky, emotional time to drop such bombs on it, i hear alot of people talking bout enteties, can u guys maybe tell me more about them, do u think that dmt have a spirit or its our own spirit? do u think set and setting, mood have any influence on us while doing it? wiil my next trip will be as bad? cuz as my freind told me "maybe the dmt spirit didnt like u"? every one of my freinds who tried this changa told me more ot less about the same thing that it was to intense and very scary, do u think it might be something about the making of the changa- wich ive been told is 70% (dont know whatit meens)? is a normal dmt trip? is it bad is it good? haha anyway =] bless and may all of yout journeys be safe...

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

Interesting journey. It's for you to interpret, but I'll offer a few observations.

You mention that you have been many things in the past, were you obsessing over what you were? It's easy to get lost trying to figure out who we are, who we were, and where we are going. Sometimes stimulation overload can cause ourselves to spread too thin, and making some aspects of reality hard to interpret. That feeling of being spread thin could have created a journey that decided to tell you that, "no matter who you were, you are who you are - in the present."

I wouldn't say that the spirit world didn't like you, maybe just showing you somethings that you may or may not want to consider.

Dealing with a strong conflict in this reality should probably be closed before journeying. You had just had a break up talk that likely created some weird tension. You said that you hit the changa looking to get away. I find that if I enter the spirit world chasing the thought of escape, thee lesson can be more stern.

You mention that you thought that your emotional status would have little effect on the journey. I find that emotional status very much effects the journey. Being good to the self in this reality usually results in happy trails through hyperspace.

A funny thing that I noticed about myself: If I hear hyperspace calling my name, I work on putting myself in a better mood before launching. Half the time, I don't even launch due to the natural high from changing my mood.

 

[upload]

I've also wondered about entity contact, as I do not usually see "beings" in hyperspace. My fave vehicle is aya (acrb/rue) so that might be one reason, or, perhaps I don't bring back clear memory of my contacts in hyperspace. I do have voices from others and even have short conversations that I can remember. It's possible that I simply need to ask these entities to show themselves. It's also possible that for whatever reason, I'm not yet allowed to "see" the others I speak with.

My first 15 or so voyages were pure joy, filled with love and enlightenment. However, I did experience a very troubling journey when I increased the dmt dose to a level beyond my capability. This has been very difficult to integrate, and I'm taking my time with it. At first, I was very concerned that my sweet loving mistress aya had turned against me. I tried going back several times after the hyperslap and the experiences were not good. I felt as if dmt just didn't want me anymore. Now, I believe I simply need to completely integrate that hyperslap experience before I return to hyperspace. This might take time, but the reward will be worth the effort. Imo, integration happens not only on a conscious level, but also subconsciously..and probably almost exclusively so. I have no proof of this, just an opinion. Briefly said, I believe you may just need to integrate your "bad" trip and it might take some time. I'm one who believes there are no "bad" journeys, but there may be very uncomfortable ones. I believe dmt gives you what you need, not necessarily what you want. Hope that makes sense..

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

Also, about entities - are you looking to contact them? Why? What are you looking to get out of making contact? Just curious.

 

[shroomelina]

Yeah I as well believe there is no such thing as bad trip, or there is but it has it reasons and if we r smart enough we will know how to understand it so it can help us. All this awful exprience was as an open heart surgery, or a post trauma shrink treatment when the shit finally reveals and now u can deal with it without all the walls that ego builds around it...

About the enteties, i meen, i did alot of plants but never felt any enteties but my own inner voiece, the pure and egoless voice-we all have within. I did have some very spirtual meeting with "angels" (not even on any kind of drug). but again im not sure if it was my own mind though it felt real. is it possiable there is no enteties but our own mind and soul, maybe our own mind and soul is not seperated from all the rest of the universe and the univerese soul. Maybe its not enteties but other form of intelegence- like a tree has intelegence but its not the same as human one. the only things is i can't see how by taking a plant u meet them, or how a certain substence have its own entetie cuz if there r enteties they are here all the time maybe without plants we can't see them... anyway im basing it on my own exprience and not rejecting anything else, cuz shit today i know i know nearly nothing, and if u have some other conclusions ill be happy to hear them. like what kind of enteties, what do they tell u, how they interact, why r u so sure that they r from the outside rather then from the inside of u...

anyway another conclusion from the changa is that we dont know evrything and its cool. cuz right now the "natural" perception that we were given is as importent as an open consinous we try to reach.

I know in "kabalah" they say our goal here is to find the balance between ego and earthly being and higher levels of spirituality, that untill we wont accept the world at it simplicity we can't go safetly to the other worlds.

I can tell u that before this trip i was up in space searching for our bigger self and the the things that our eyes can't see, but dmt brought me back to earth made me understand that i need to apriciate reality more if i want to even start understanding whats going in the other worlds.peace and blessings.

 

[spacexplorer]

You should try accepting that "Ok I'm going to die, so what?" "Ok I'm sad so what" "Ok I'm guilty so what", accept responsibility for all these things

 

[Global]

Here's the thing about the entities. When you meet them, they won't seem like an inner dialogue or a part of yourself. Sure they might turn out to be, but that's not the way that they're perceived, or at least not for me. Sometimes I can hear my own inner dialogue being twisted into saying other things than the original thought, or ambiguous voices that are hard to tell how much is my own narrative. Then there's the entities though, and they are perceived as externally objectified. They have a mind of their own, regardless if they're part of yours. They can tell you things you don't know, and they can do things you didn't know things were capable of doing. No, they probably won't answer a math problem or something like that; in fact they won't answer lots of questions, but every now and then, they might tell you something you didn't know.

Now you're in a big hurry to meet the entities, and it's understandable. They are quite the mysterious phenomena. Everyone wants to see them for themselves in the hopes that they can tease a bit of the ontology of the situation out of them. While there are many entities that are helpful, I almost wish that I wouldn't see them so often. Hyperspace seems to be a much safer, less scary place when some entities aren't out and about.

 

[shroomelina]

You should try accepting that "Ok I'm going to die, so what?" "Ok I'm sad so what" "Ok I'm guilty so what", accept responsibility for all these things

haha i couldnt really say anything like every break of thought was hushed by this crazy noise at the begining i even forgot that i took a hit i siriously felt like im dying and all of me just blended up in this crazy spiral earsing every sense of self, i even felt on my body like all my organs exploaded like i have a ziper in the middle of my body that holds evrything together and something just took and open it siriously i felt like i was in an atom bomb explosion or going through a black hole where all the atoms break from one another... but next time ill try to be braver =] promise...

About the enteties: so there r lots of them? I read most of the books of carlos kastanede and he speaks about un organic creatures, that can teach the worrior all kinds of things, do u think he ment them? how is it influence ur everyday life to know they exist and to meet them? do u think they come from the plants or maybe they r there all the time?all u guys talk bout hyperspace wich is a concept im trying to understand, i mean i do understand, but do u think few people can meet there together or each one has it own space, cuz i heard bout simliar expriences like fractals. other stars but its never the same...
when i was younger i had few weeks when i used to smoke salvia but not the strong leaves the natural ones and on salvia i felt a strong dialog with some wise creature more like a thelapatic voice- question-answer kind of thing but at that time i was pritty "childish" and believed every psychadelic plant had a fairy/monster that guides the user through, so now it seems more like my own voice of wisdom. when i get siriously stoned before sleep i often exprience fields of energies that try to conect with mine sometimes they teach me things like a this cool lesson how to calm my self down by using the 4 elements sensetion through my body... but again maybe its my own clear voice of wisdom. When i say voice of wisdom i mean that each and everyone of us has few states of mind, one of them is very pure and fearless maybe its the state that havn't been influenced by all the shit that reality usually brings, like fear, pain, self doubdt and all other negetive emotions that blinding us from seeing the truth, i mean what if those enteties r difrent aspects of u (wich u of course contain all the history of the universe and who know maybe even the future- "colective conssinous kind of thing")- anyway- i am intrigued to meet them - but no rush =]

 

[Ancotar]

now questions: during the trip i felt no entetity that guided me, just my own subconscious raging against me to chose such a tricky, emotional time to drop such bombs on it, i hear alot of people talking bout enteties, can u guys maybe tell me more about them, do u think that dmt have a spirit or its our own spirit? do u think set and setting, mood have any influence on us while doing it? wiil my next trip will be as bad? cuz as my freind told me "maybe the dmt spirit didnt like u"? every one of my freinds who tried this changa told me more ot less about the same thing that it was to intense and very scary, do u think it might be something about the making of the changa- wich ive been told is 70% (dont know whatit meens)? is a normal dmt trip? is it bad is it good? haha anyway =] bless and may all of yout journeys be safe...

Hey there and welcome to the Nexus!

You have definitely come to the right place with questions!

The hair on the back of my neck started raising reading your story, as it was so similar to my first time DMT journey!

To answer your question about set and setting, this by far is one of the most important factors to consider before ever going on a journey. It can have a huge impact on how negative or how positive a trip can be. Mood can also have a significant role. Check this post out: Some of the things I have learned this past year.... - DMT Discussion - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

As for the mix ratio of the changa that you were mentioning, that can have a role too. My mix, for example is 1:1, so one part DMT per one part leaf. A mere 30 - 50 milligrams will be plenty enough to send you on your way, 30 being the best for a gentler experience. If you use anything beyond that, it could make for a very uncomfortable journey, so if this particular mix you used was very potent, then there you go.

You want to know about entities? Well, in my journeys I have experienced a very specific set, "The Fire People," a very benevolent race enshrouded by what I can only describe as geometric fire. We would communicate on a thought-to-thought basis, and I have experienced them a number of times. The most recent gathering, we all sat in a group together and just, "talked." We talked About nothing really just whatever. It was very nice.. very enlightening in some ways.

Everyone has their own different experiences with entities. I'm excited to hear what your experiences will be like when you finally encounter them!

 

[d*l*b]

during the trip i felt no entetity that guided me, just my own subconscious raging against me to chose such a tricky, emotional time to drop such bombs on it

Entities are just one part of journeys that may or may not appear. For me they may do many things, or nothing at all in terms of interaction, I don’t think I have ever experienced being “guided” though.

It seems to me that your issue is that you chose what is probably the least suitable time I could possibly think of to decide to work with spice. You got the effect of the emotions running through you and the physical situation you were in by the sounds of it.

i hear alot of people talking bout enteties, can u guys maybe tell me more about them, do u think that dmt have a spirit or its our own spirit?

My view on this varies but inevitably comes out at no, it does not have its own spirit, rather it is a representation of both you and the reality you exist in, whatever you and reality happen to be. I personally have no idea what “I” or “reality” is yet.

do u think set and setting, mood have any influence on us while doing it? wiil my next trip will be as bad?

Set and setting have massive influence on your journey. Unlike many, I actually believe that DMT is good [for me] at what some would describe as the “wrong” times. I have gained massively from working at the wrong times. Howver I think dragging another into this and involving them in your experience and need to leave reality in such a way at such a time is not right at all.

As for whether your next journey will be bad, who knows? DMT is a dice-rolling game. Whilst we may have some small part in being able to influence journeys, in truth we have next to no control over them at all. The best we can do is set up a suitable situation for the misssion at hand and give in to whatever may happen next.

cuz as my freind told me "maybe the dmt spirit didnt like u"?

My view on this is entirely materialist [at this moment]. As said before I would say this is more down to the entirely inappropriate timing of your journey. On the other hand, maybe the “DMT spirit” doesn’t like you. Whether this ”spirit” exists or not is a subject of much debate. I don’t think so, but at the same time I am open to being wrong. You will have to look at your experiences and work out the answer for yourself.

every one of my freinds who tried this changa told me more ot less about the same thing that it was to intense and very scary, do u think it might be something about the making of the changa- wich ive been told is 70% (dont know whatit meens)? is a normal dmt trip? is it bad is it good?

Considering you were not engaged in the process of production, who knows? It would be possible to prove the strength by extracting from the changa and weighing the results.

If it was 70%, it is rather strong, however it is less than straight freebase! Whatever, changa or straight DMT can often provide intense, scary experiences. Although dosage affects experience you can also find curveballs crop up sometimes

Maybe try dosing people lower and pay attention to set and setting, this will give you as much control as you can over the the experience as you can hope to have. Maybe on the other hand, your friends just aren’t suited to the DMT experience?

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

I've come across a few entities. I have the feeling that they are waiting for me, before I take that first hit. Although a few have seem startled upon my approach. The first time I broke through, I was greeted with a startled, "Oh, I wasn't expecting you yet, but it's a good thing you're here." It was like I had walked into someone's house without knocking. In my case, blasted through the universe, watching it being created and maturing all the way until the end when it is then recreated, and ending up floating in this green realm and being spoken to by a large green light.

Of the two most interesting entities I've come across, one claimed to be my mother from a distant star system. She presented herself as a metallic flower bloom that opened up and had a slender metallic face. When she spoke, I had the feeling of joy that one would feel watching kids play, babies being born, mothers hugging their children, family, etc. She shed a tear and said she was proud of me. There was more to the message, but it gets personal. I communicate with her more often than any others.

The most interesting Entity was a sphere, infinite in size and number, both large and small. It claimed to be the origins of existence. As it multiplied, internally and externally, the universe existed within - and that we were subjective divisions of it's creating. I spent a lot of time with this entity, but have only had the option to visit it once. One day, I'll go back.

 

[Global]

About the enteties: so there r lots of them? I read most of the books of carlos kastanede and he speaks about un organic creatures, that can teach the worrior all kinds of things, do u think he ment them? how is it influence ur everyday life to know they exist and to meet them? do u think they come from the plants or maybe they r there all the time?all u guys talk bout hyperspace wich is a concept im trying to understand, i mean i do understand, but do u think few people can meet there together or each one has it own space, cuz i heard bout simliar expriences like fractals. other stars but its never the same...

There is a huge variety to the entities I've seen. Some of them match your description of inorganic creatures. The ones I'm thinking about are like nothing I've ever seen or have even seen depicted here on Earth. They are rather unique amalgamations of complex geometries. They seem to have higher and lower dimensional counterparts, becoming more sophisticated and multidimensional on the higher end. These entities don't tend to speak English to me, but they do make their own sounds. Each has a unique rhythmic "melody" such that I can sometimes identify "who" is there just based on what I hear first. I put melody in quotes because those sounds too are quite difficult to describe. It's like overlapping syllables or something.

In terms of how it influences my everyday life - that varies. I like some of them, and not others. Some can provide invaluable interactions whereas others make you wish you never met them. Rarely, particularly when trying to go to sleep, it can be a little unnerving that you might not be alone, and that you don't know who always shares your company or not.

Hyperspace is a generic term for the space in which these experiences take place. Perhaps it's this autonomous free-standing realm or perhaps not. The term "hyper-space" literally refers to a space that has more dimensions than 3. For many of us, hyperspace appears to be quite multidimensional, where geometry can tend to behave like that of tesseracts and other multidimensional computer renderings that you can find on youtube.

Some of the entities that intrigue me the most are the ancient cultural ones. Real or not, seeing them and being in their presence is quite the gift. It is access to an experience that most mortals will never know anything of firsthand. The first ones that I encountered that really intrigued me were a set of 3-4 multidimensional Pharaohs that looked like the King Tut sarcophagus down to the detail and color. As they interdimensionally folded through each other, the side of the face of one would become the back of the head of the other as the back of the head of the middle became the front of the face of the next. The way the geometries overlapped so perfectly so as to create these visual ambiguities was stunning.

I invite you to take a look at my Ganesha thread where I've compiled over 25 posts from various members on this site from throughout the years who have encountered this Hindu deity in largely contextually similar and appropriate situations despite their often lack of knowledge of the details of this particular entity or its existence at all. In my article in the Nexus e-zine on page 33, I outline two very peculiar and personally significant entity encounters. The list goes on and on for the kinds of entities I've encountered. There are so many, and so many kinds.

 

[Anarkid]

You should try accepting that "Ok I'm going to die, so what?" "Ok I'm sad so what" "Ok I'm guilty so what", accept responsibility for all these things

Exactly. I have never had a "breakthrough" experience with DMT. I have thought that I was dying several times in the past on one chemical in particular. It was always scary until I began to accept it. Okay. I'm dying. Nothing I can do at this point. Just die and see whats on the other side. Accept the negative feelings and they aren't negative any longer. Don't combat them. Embrace them. This is true even outside of trips and use of mind altering substances. Accept the negative things in your life as they are. Change them in the future if you can but you must accept that what has happened has happened and changing that.

 

[f1]

one claimed to be my mother from a distant star system.

..

The most interesting Entity was a sphere, infinite in size

I have also come across my mother, brother and a bff. They were like, 'OH he's made it here!' I was learning how to fly like superman and they were watching me.

I have also come across a sphere, I went inside it and it was the quieter than I could have imagined.

 

[makuck]

All awesome experiences. You can have experiences without drugs, but psychedelics seem to be a powerful key to unlock something deeper than our selves. Thinking you were ready to die, but not being ready. That is a great energy to have right there, to be able to be conscious of and to be able to work with, in this life. Working with all kinds of energy is great, it is all part of life, part of the experience. I have had some brutal trips, where I thought I would be insane forever and never come down, never have footing. That is energy to work with too.

Your experience tells you something, even if it is hard truths, but also soft truths like being one with your mom. You can feel like you are one with it all. You can go into that and fully be into that. That is a distinctly different vibration for me, and perhaps you, if you remember enough to integrate it.

"We don't know everything"
"The state of consciousness we try to reach"

Realizations?!

YES! HAHA!

 

[makuck]

How to integrate being at one with everything? Oneness. Go back to it? And how to wake up to oneness, only to realize even those closest to you still think they are separate?

 

[Global]

one claimed to be my mother from a distant star system.

..

The most interesting Entity was a sphere, infinite in size

I have also come across my mother, brother and a bff. They were like, 'OH he's made it here!' I was learning how to fly like superman and they were watching me.

I have also come across a sphere, I went inside it and it was the quieter than I could have imagined.

I've come across and written about a motherly entity I've encountered on two occasions. It cradled me, and exuded the most peaceful, warm, loving, motherly love one could ever hope to experience. I should note however that my mother is still alive, so it's unlikely that it was my biological mother. It could be a mother from a past life, a cosmic mother, or something else entirely fooling my emotions and perceptions. Either way, it was a very cherished experience.

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

Hey Global, I definitely relate to that feeling. My mom is still alive as well. I, too, wonder about the entities, who they are, and what they say. I've heard of people being confronted by jesters and jokers and clowns!

Sometimes I wonder if the entities we experience are part of the consciousness of a person that IS alive. I've had this feeling that my friends were journeying, and I've taken time to stop what I was doing and send Good vibes out to who ever that was paging me. I've never asked when they would tell me about the experience the next day(most people find it weird when someone tells them that they had a feeling that a friend was journeying), but I wonder if that has an effect for others. They've only have good things to say, so I'd hope so.

Luckily, Hyperspace doesn't seem to have many rules to define what we are actually experiencing, so it's fun to put our own little twist and interpretation to what we experience.

 

[shroomelina]

All awesome experiences. You can have experiences without drugs, but psychedelics seem to be a powerful key to unlock something deeper than our selves. Thinking you were ready to die, but not being ready. That is a great energy to have right there, to be able to be conscious of and to be able to work with, in this life. Working with all kinds of energy is great, it is all part of life, part of the experience. I have had some brutal trips, where I thought I would be insane forever and never come down, never have footing. That is energy to work with too.

Your experience tells you something, even if it is hard truths, but also soft truths like being one with your mom. You can feel like you are one with it all. You can go into that and fully be into that. That is a distinctly different vibration for me, and perhaps you, if you remember enough to integrate it.

"We don't know everything"
"The state of consciousness we try to reach"

Realizations?!

YES! HAHA!

this is exactly how i feel, more then a mind trip it was a medicine for the heart, to the basics of us, inpowerment to live simply in this complex world. bless you for the the understranding and the wisdom.