Hello ALL,
Here are my first two trip reports. In a couple of days I will post two more that I had over the weekend; the first was similar to these two, but I am going to need your help for my fourth one, yesterday night (Sunday). A breakthrough I guess, but I am confused, appalled, bewildered, humbled, frightened and horrified by what I saw/didn’t see and felt as I was obliterated beyond the scope of my shattered imagination. I have extensive notes, but I can’t bring myself to relive it quite yet. So if any sympathetic eyes out there reads this, please read the next one – I could really use some reassurance ; I have never felt this vulnerable and weak minded and spiritually enfeebled … At this point I feel like calling it quits with the spice world, even though I have only begun.
Reading the following reports over I feel I was arrogant, over-intellectual (kind of my nature to veil my emotions and my very spirit with thoughts and words), and verging on disrepectful in light of what I experienced yesterday. But in my confused state I might be judging myself too harshly. I know they were at least honest - I’m really not too sure of too much today…
But I decided not to change a word before posting ; that way, if I decide to continue, I will be able, with your help, to track my evolution - and if not, at the very least I will have shared my true unedited first and last impressions. Here goes :
1st DIVE
Can hardly hold the pipe straight with hands that won’t keep still and a heart that forgets a beat here and there; the videocamera’s rolling, the spice is loaded and I have steeled myself to calmness with a bath, some ambient aphex and some weak attempts at breathing control – all in vain clearly, as I prepare for my first launch after a spice hunt that lasted close to fifteen years (not very connected, evidently... ! much thanks to the www and nexus) A quick « what the hell » prayer that usually precedes a dive into some chemical or other, I light the butane torch and hold it under the pipe I bought earlier and that looks a little too eerily like meth gear…
A white veil erupts and cottons around inside the small bowl and I take a haul. The lighter dies, and somehow prescient I have a bic laying on the counter that I grab and flame to the pipe again. It occurs to me now that I am holding the flame directly below the small mound of spice (now more a golden puddle), in unwitting defiance of all I have read – but it’s too late… I am aware I have probably burned and wasted a good deal of my precious find, but I take a second large hopeful haul nevertheless. What a unique, pleasant, strong and oddly familiar taste this stuff has, I think, as thinking recedes.
Geometric patterns fill my field of view and I crash down into the pillows on the sofa just in time to still be aware that I am crashing. Gyrating circles extend to the periphery of my closed eyes and a spinning bird-like thing in the middle seems to be struggling in the web of spheres – no, not struggling, but working, manipulating something so it seems; it’s indistinct and as difficult to describe in words as any truly altered state. Then it slowly fades and I am back to dwell in mild euphoria until the mood strikes me to lean over, scribble some notes and get on with my day with a little more to think about.
Clearly no breakthrough, but an encouraging introduction at around 40mg (minus the amount burned off….) A feeling of being almost pulled in deep, but mostly nice visuals and a deep sense of awe.
2nd DIVE
Similar preparations to the 1st one before hauling the wisp in one fell gulp. Held it in for around 30 seconds, till the room snaked its tendrils upward and I exhaled, falling to the sofa and pulling a pillow over my eyes to block out any stray light : a mandala-like inward procession of circles comprised of close and turning, interlocking, multicoloured keys in layers, receding and changing hue, leads to a centre point . Each key (the circles each have hundreds (thousands ?) of them) swirls along the axis of the circle it is part of and the along its own axis in each of their layers at different speeds, never slow but never too fast to be indiscernible. These « keys » are all cartoon-like solid reds, yellows and oranges, have different shapes, and their spinning locks, unlocks and interlocks them with their adjacent layers, which turn alternately clock and anti-clockwise. Is this a version of what is refered to as the chrysanthemum ?
Its hard not to feel the pull : something is endeavouring to drag me deeper in, and I keep telling myself - yes, I am ready…
When I look away from the center I see distinctly in my peripheral vision, something (someone?) manipulating the keys from the inner circle, but each time I direct my attention inwards whatever it is dissipates into the form of the keys themselves. My mind is probably grasping to make sense of the form and to assign to it a recognizable shape, because when I look away I discern what is not entirely unlike a smurf with a red cap with speedy hands shifting and turning the keys like levers !
Eventually I look back, and the center flits in and out like some distant broadcast : the primary coloured and cartoon-form keys are replaced by a life-like shoulder up image of a blond haired 6 year old girl with bangs, who stares out at me smiling, unblinking… I don’t recognize her and am in no contact at all with children of that age in my life. I really don’t know what to make of this. I have done many entheogens/psychedelics at many different dose levels, but have never had a clear vision of someone or something that was not there. The «broadcast » flits in and out, alternating with the keys, before it fades out, followed soon after by the key/mandala. I open my eyes.
Back to my living room for a pleasant afterglow and a reflective couple of hours. Who was she, what were the keys and the little gnome guy running the mandala thing ? No breakthrough ( i am guessing from what I have read), but pretty out there nevertheless…
TBC
Thanks nexus,
JBArk
Here are my first two trip reports. In a couple of days I will post two more that I had over the weekend; the first was similar to these two, but I am going to need your help for my fourth one, yesterday night (Sunday). A breakthrough I guess, but I am confused, appalled, bewildered, humbled, frightened and horrified by what I saw/didn’t see and felt as I was obliterated beyond the scope of my shattered imagination. I have extensive notes, but I can’t bring myself to relive it quite yet. So if any sympathetic eyes out there reads this, please read the next one – I could really use some reassurance ; I have never felt this vulnerable and weak minded and spiritually enfeebled … At this point I feel like calling it quits with the spice world, even though I have only begun.
Reading the following reports over I feel I was arrogant, over-intellectual (kind of my nature to veil my emotions and my very spirit with thoughts and words), and verging on disrepectful in light of what I experienced yesterday. But in my confused state I might be judging myself too harshly. I know they were at least honest - I’m really not too sure of too much today…
But I decided not to change a word before posting ; that way, if I decide to continue, I will be able, with your help, to track my evolution - and if not, at the very least I will have shared my true unedited first and last impressions. Here goes :
1st DIVE
Can hardly hold the pipe straight with hands that won’t keep still and a heart that forgets a beat here and there; the videocamera’s rolling, the spice is loaded and I have steeled myself to calmness with a bath, some ambient aphex and some weak attempts at breathing control – all in vain clearly, as I prepare for my first launch after a spice hunt that lasted close to fifteen years (not very connected, evidently... ! much thanks to the www and nexus) A quick « what the hell » prayer that usually precedes a dive into some chemical or other, I light the butane torch and hold it under the pipe I bought earlier and that looks a little too eerily like meth gear…
A white veil erupts and cottons around inside the small bowl and I take a haul. The lighter dies, and somehow prescient I have a bic laying on the counter that I grab and flame to the pipe again. It occurs to me now that I am holding the flame directly below the small mound of spice (now more a golden puddle), in unwitting defiance of all I have read – but it’s too late… I am aware I have probably burned and wasted a good deal of my precious find, but I take a second large hopeful haul nevertheless. What a unique, pleasant, strong and oddly familiar taste this stuff has, I think, as thinking recedes.
Geometric patterns fill my field of view and I crash down into the pillows on the sofa just in time to still be aware that I am crashing. Gyrating circles extend to the periphery of my closed eyes and a spinning bird-like thing in the middle seems to be struggling in the web of spheres – no, not struggling, but working, manipulating something so it seems; it’s indistinct and as difficult to describe in words as any truly altered state. Then it slowly fades and I am back to dwell in mild euphoria until the mood strikes me to lean over, scribble some notes and get on with my day with a little more to think about.
Clearly no breakthrough, but an encouraging introduction at around 40mg (minus the amount burned off….) A feeling of being almost pulled in deep, but mostly nice visuals and a deep sense of awe.
2nd DIVE
Similar preparations to the 1st one before hauling the wisp in one fell gulp. Held it in for around 30 seconds, till the room snaked its tendrils upward and I exhaled, falling to the sofa and pulling a pillow over my eyes to block out any stray light : a mandala-like inward procession of circles comprised of close and turning, interlocking, multicoloured keys in layers, receding and changing hue, leads to a centre point . Each key (the circles each have hundreds (thousands ?) of them) swirls along the axis of the circle it is part of and the along its own axis in each of their layers at different speeds, never slow but never too fast to be indiscernible. These « keys » are all cartoon-like solid reds, yellows and oranges, have different shapes, and their spinning locks, unlocks and interlocks them with their adjacent layers, which turn alternately clock and anti-clockwise. Is this a version of what is refered to as the chrysanthemum ?
Its hard not to feel the pull : something is endeavouring to drag me deeper in, and I keep telling myself - yes, I am ready…
When I look away from the center I see distinctly in my peripheral vision, something (someone?) manipulating the keys from the inner circle, but each time I direct my attention inwards whatever it is dissipates into the form of the keys themselves. My mind is probably grasping to make sense of the form and to assign to it a recognizable shape, because when I look away I discern what is not entirely unlike a smurf with a red cap with speedy hands shifting and turning the keys like levers !
Eventually I look back, and the center flits in and out like some distant broadcast : the primary coloured and cartoon-form keys are replaced by a life-like shoulder up image of a blond haired 6 year old girl with bangs, who stares out at me smiling, unblinking… I don’t recognize her and am in no contact at all with children of that age in my life. I really don’t know what to make of this. I have done many entheogens/psychedelics at many different dose levels, but have never had a clear vision of someone or something that was not there. The «broadcast » flits in and out, alternating with the keys, before it fades out, followed soon after by the key/mandala. I open my eyes.
Back to my living room for a pleasant afterglow and a reflective couple of hours. Who was she, what were the keys and the little gnome guy running the mandala thing ? No breakthrough ( i am guessing from what I have read), but pretty out there nevertheless…
TBC
Thanks nexus,
JBArk
