First DMT Breakthrough was a helltrip

[tomtom]

Hey guy's, how are we, I would like to post about my first breakthrough and would like some advice from more experienced DMT users as this experience has left me quite traumatized and am considering doing DMT again to see where I went wrong, a quick bit of background information, I'm semi not in a good place or wasn't as I was planning on killing myself a few weeks prior and had purchased a rope from bunnings which since then I have discarded, I thought DMT could help me, also 1 day before this trip I had found out my dad had probably been dead for about 18 months as the police had concluded on the basis he hadn't used his bank in 18 months and no one has seen or heard from him, he went down horrible too, he was homeless and losing his mind and we suspect he had either killed himself or fell off a cliff as he was living in the blue mountains Australia.

I made the DMT out of Acacia Acuminata, it was mainly crystals with a small amount of oil that made the crystals stick together in a ball.

So a mate and I drove to a quiet park at the end of a dirt road where there were no people, I told my friend to jump in the driver's seat so I could sit in the passenger seat in case the cops came and I was off my head, I don't have a milligram scale so I just scooped some of the yellow DMT crystals out of my little container, my guess was about 50mg but I'm not sure( I use to do meth so that's where I am getting the approximate estimate from), I placed it in the glass pipe, I was a little bit in a panic in case some people came driving up the dirt road wich we were facing, so I hit the pipe with a jet flame and I know how to hit a pipe I use to smoke meth and I saw a lot of smoke going through that pipe lol, I held the smoke in for about five second's thinking, "Did I make this right? is this going to do anything to me?", I had never smoked the crystal stuff only some oil that I made last time, anyway after about five seconds "BOOOM".

It hit me like a freight train, really really hard, my immediate thought was, "OH NO I'VE REALLY FUCKED UP NOW!!", Instant regret, the last conscious thing I remember doing before it really kicked in was looking at my hands, they were glowing like a fluorescent bulb, I think I sort of remember them looking a bit like the static on old tv's, the black and white scrambling, I think anyway.

I then sat back in my seat and my first thoughts were, "You had to know the answers didn't you", or something like that, it was horrific, words can't describe how terrifying this was, but to try and explain I felt infinitely terrified, invaded, uncomfortable, weird, multidimensional, and these other feelings I have never felt before, I just sat there paralyzed for about 5 minutes with all this multidimensional horror and eternity and infinity's, I thought I was never going to be allowed back to earth and I would be stuck like this forever, the last thing I can remember and the absolute climax of this trip was there was some great force that I had been in its presence, and I had heard "you must find the balance".

so I remember coming to and my mate said, "You ok?" and was driving back down the dirt road because some people came, I was still terrified, I just put my hands over my chest and said " I will have respect" and tried to explain to my friend that I returned from hell, whilst driving down the road I looked at the trees and they were waving and glowing, it was so so weird.

anyway I had a really hard look at myself after that and came to the conclusion I am thinking way too many negative thoughts since then I have taken strides to recondition my thinking, I had an ego death, and there is a little bit more to the trip than that, but I am just trying to get to the point.

so a few questions if anyone has the time, I would be very thankful.

1 - I am terrified of death, is there any way to reconcile this? I don't want to go back to hell
2 - did my having to much DMT have anything to do with this experience
3 - what steps can I take to prepare myself and have a better trip in the future

 

[Voidmatrix]

1. Nope. Other than losing your fear of death, but we all have some sort of fear about it. It would be biologically and evolutionarily irresponsible for us not to. Surrender.

2. Possibly. In the pic, both vials are exactly a gram on DMT.

3. Set, setting, and skill. Don't do it where there are subconscious worries of things like getting caught. That just gets in the way and can tinge the flavor of the experience. Meditate before hand, really getting in touch with your body, while acknowledging whatever your thoughts are while gently correcting them. Lower your dose, and be ready to play around a bit while you find your sweet spot.

DMT can be extremely helpful. It helps me regularly and I consider it my sacrament. But, it's not all sunshine, daisies, and rainbows. Some real work can come up for you to take part in. You just have to be ready for that. But, generally, each and every time you smoalk it it'll be a crapshoot. You never know what you're going to get. In your case, you have a lot of internal obstacles that can impact your experience and I think they played a big role in this rough one you've had. Get closer to yourself. Low dose DMT and changa are great for this.

Mental health impacts will generally always impact your journeys in one way or another especially depending on how receptive you are to the experience. While I've been deep, and am working my way towards the depths again, I tend to stay lighter or mellowed partly because of my own mental health struggles.

I must say, after reading that, I'm glad you're here to share your experience.


One love

 

[tomtom]

1. Nope. Other than losing your fear of death, but we all have some sort of fear about it. It would be biologically and evolutionarily irresponsible for us not to. Surrender.

2. Possibly. In the pic, both vials are exactly a gram on DMT.

3. Set, setting, and skill. Don't do it where there are subconscious worries of things like getting caught. That just gets in the way and can tinge the flavor of the experience. Meditate before hand, really getting in touch with your body, while acknowledging whatever your thoughts are while gently correcting them. Lower your dose, and be ready to play around a bit while you find your sweet spot.

DMT can be extremely helpful. It helps me regularly and I consider it my sacrament. But, it's not all sunshine, daisies, and rainbows. Some real work can come up for you to take part in. You just have to be ready for that. But, generally, each and every time you smoalk it it'll be a crapshoot. You never know what you're going to get. In your case, you have a lot of internal obstacles that can impact your experience and I think they played a big role in this rough one you've had. Get closer to yourself. Low dose DMT and changa are great for this.

Mental health impacts will generally always impact your journeys in one way or another especially depending on how receptive you are to the experience. While I've been deep, and am working my way towards the depths again, I tend to stay lighter or mellowed partly because of my own mental health struggles.

I must say, after reading that, I'm glad you're here to share your experience.


One loveView attachment 99702

Thanks a lot, i am going to make another batch, but I'm going to do smaller doses, and see how that go's.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Thanks a lot, i am going to make another batch, but I'm going to do smaller doses, and see how that go's.

Of course. Take your time with it. It has so much to offer at pretty much every level of experience, including the non-visual ones. The lighter ones are nice because you can actually think instead of just being along for the ride, so if there's something you're working through you can actually do big work and not just get thrown around and feel good afterwards.

And I say this often, but respect and reverence will take you a very long way.

One love

 

[Varallo]

Hé Tom,

Wow that sounds like a really rough ride. First of all I’m so sorry to hear about your father, I can imagine that that must be very painful, losing a parent to mental health problems homelessness and then his disappearance is devastating. I would say that this might not have been the best state of mind for a first trip to the other side. On the other hand I would completely understand the desire for a change of scenery so to speak.

The trip as you described is actually something that is somewhat common with using dmt, you where in that sense unlucky. But there are some things that you could have done differently that would have at least minimized the chances of getting such an difficult trip.

First thing you need to do is WEIGH YOUR DOSAGE. The chances of difficult trips increase with the dose.

The second would be to find a safe place to trip, some place where you can be undisturbed and feel safe and comfortable.

The third is to slow down and take some time to get to know the effects. Maybe make some changa or infuse some leaves and slowly smoke it to understand the effects.

Anyway take care and maybe take a little break before you go in again. Trips like these need some processing and tripping before integrating your experience does not help.

 

[Panpsychic]

Hey guy's, how are we, I would like to post about my first breakthrough and would like some advice from more experienced DMT users as this experience has left me quite traumatized and am considering doing DMT again to see where I went wrong, a quick bit of background information, I'm semi not in a good place or wasn't as I was planning on killing myself a few weeks prior and had purchased a rope from bunnings which since then I have discarded, I thought DMT could help me, also 1 day before this trip I had found out my dad had probably been dead for about 18 months as the police had concluded on the basis he hadn't used his bank in 18 months and no one has seen or heard from him, he went down horrible too, he was homeless and losing his mind and we suspect he had either killed himself or fell off a cliff as he was living in the blue mountains Australia.

I made the DMT out of Acacia Acuminata, it was mainly crystals with a small amount of oil that made the crystals stick together in a ball.

So a mate and I drove to a quiet park at the end of a dirt road where there were no people, I told my friend to jump in the driver's seat so I could sit in the passenger seat in case the cops came and I was off my head, I don't have a milligram scale so I just scooped some of the yellow DMT crystals out of my little container, my guess was about 50mg but I'm not sure( I use to do meth so that's where I am getting the approximate estimate from), I placed it in the glass pipe, I was a little bit in a panic in case some people came driving up the dirt road wich we were facing, so I hit the pipe with a jet flame and I know how to hit a pipe I use to smoke meth and I saw a lot of smoke going through that pipe lol, I held the smoke in for about five second's thinking, "Did I make this right? is this going to do anything to me?", I had never smoked the crystal stuff only some oil that I made last time, anyway after about five seconds "BOOOM".

It hit me like a freight train, really really hard, my immediate thought was, "OH NO I'VE REALLY FUCKED UP NOW!!", Instant regret, the last conscious thing I remember doing before it really kicked in was looking at my hands, they were glowing like a fluorescent bulb, I think I sort of remember them looking a bit like the static on old tv's, the black and white scrambling, I think anyway.

I then sat back in my seat and my first thoughts were, "You had to know the answers didn't you", or something like that, it was horrific, words can't describe how terrifying this was, but to try and explain I felt infinitely terrified, invaded, uncomfortable, weird, multidimensional, and these other feelings I have never felt before, I just sat there paralyzed for about 5 minutes with all this multidimensional horror and eternity and infinity's, I thought I was never going to be allowed back to earth and I would be stuck like this forever, the last thing I can remember and the absolute climax of this trip was there was some great force that I had been in its presence, and I had heard "you must find the balance".

so I remember coming to and my mate said, "You ok?" and was driving back down the dirt road because some people came, I was still terrified, I just put my hands over my chest and said " I will have respect" and tried to explain to my friend that I returned from hell, whilst driving down the road I looked at the trees and they were waving and glowing, it was so so weird.

anyway I had a really hard look at myself after that and came to the conclusion I am thinking way too many negative thoughts since then I have taken strides to recondition my thinking, I had an ego death, and there is a little bit more to the trip than that, but I am just trying to get to the point.

so a few questions if anyone has the time, I would be very thankful.

1 - I am terrified of death, is there any way to reconcile this? I don't want to go back to hell
2 - did my having to much DMT have anything to do with this experience
3 - what steps can I take to prepare myself and have a better trip in the future

Sounds like a rough ride. As has been mentioned, the setting was not ideal and also the set had recently been bad so it was probably a combination of this.

Find a nice quiet place you won't be distrubed.
Have a peacful and reflective week before in anticipation of the trip.
I would also recommend to add oral harmalas an hour before, such as making a Peganum Harmala tea and drinking first.

From my experience this really adds a cohesiveness to the experience that helps integration rather than simply 'blasting off' and then coming back rapidly without knowing what happened.

A few things to be aware of:
If you go the harmalas + smokes route, you need way less DMT. Weigh it out first and start with maybe 10-20mg, you can easily top it up gradually.
You aren't trying to 'breakthrough'. Just have the experience and see what it brings.

From my experience, there is a consistency with this combo that is lacking with the straight freebase. I almost without fail, get a consistent communion with the Eternal Timeless beyond Consciousness ("God"), that, if I strive to live in accordance with in daily life, has set out the best course of action for me in this life and in the long range view (over many lives) and helps address what needs to be addressed In the psyche.
The Universe cares about you deeply and you are an important and necessarily part of it, but you need to care about yourself also. Treat this with the respect it deserves, it will help your life to unfold as it should.

 

[CosmicRiver]

Hey tomtom
You have a great pic.

I'm sorry for what happened. Please now take the time to accept what happened and come to terms with it. Your experience has been frightening, and rightly so. Don't take what I'm about to say as if I wanted to tell the opposite.

Think about the force you felt during the peak, who told you that you must find the balance. Did it feel like menacing or loving? or neither?
And before you felt that force, was the multidimensional horror you described full of disturbing/scary content or the horrific side of that was its multidimensionality?

What I mean is: you did have a scary and traumatic experience, you didn't do anything wrong, try to take what's good from it. Consider the hypothesis that maybe DMT didn't "want" to show you anything scary (I'm personifying DMT here), but it was the multidimensionality and vastness of the experience that scared you. And this is totally normal, none of us is prepared for that. Or maybe you did see some scary stuff (I hope you didn't). But as it happens during nightmares, one can find meaning even behind that. But don't obsess over it, try to accept what happened.

Maybe that was hell for you in that moment but it wasn't eternal. An eternal hell doesn't exist. The final message was to find balance. That was advice, from the force or your deeper self or whatever, but it was advice from someone who cares, not from a demon or something like that. And if hell were to exist, I'm sure you wouldn't be the kind of person who would be sent there.