NOTHINGtobeafraidof
Rising Star
Hi everyone, it is sometimes a good way to wrap up a big experience by putting it into words. This is my first post in here btw.
My first DMT experience(ayahuasca).
I came to this drug from a serious point of view, and with the intention of getting answers to some questions. I had actually made a list of questions before hand. These question were of a very personal nature, and so was the journey that brought me here. I have been experiencing alot of disease in my life(im young(22)), which have brought me down a pretty dark path. I could go into more detail about this, but thats not what this is about. But just so you know the background. So my questions were of the nature "What is the point to my life, and what am I here to do", but I dont think that I got any concrete answers from my experience, but more of a generel change of perspective. I guess I had hoped there would come some great mother spirit down and tell me all the answers straight up
I have in the past had experiences with mushrooms and ibogain one time. I started the brew as the first thing when I woke up, I drank or ate nothing but water. After 2½ hours the brew was ready, I actually dont know how much it was, I had just bought a "package" online. The brew tasted extremely bad, I drank as much of it as I could if I wasnt gonna puke, which was most of it but not all. I had read up on DMT on this forum and other places, and I was very nervous about was what about to happen. I was afraid it was gonna get to extreme. I shut all the light and laid in my bed with a bucket next to it. I laid there for an hour or something before I started to fell the drug kick in. I was very nauseas and felt a little sick in my body which annoyed me a bit. I was starting to trip but it was not extreme in any way, and it stayed like that for some time, so I concluded that it was not gonna get more intense, which I was relieved about. So i turned on my computer and sat there for a while, until I felt tired in my body and had to lay down, which I did and closed my eyes. And it was at this point the real experience started. It was not a visual trip in any way which I was happy about, It was like a trip of thought. My thoughts just started to spiral faster and faster, till the point where I couldnt control them or hold on to them in any way. So I just let go. It felt like I was in this no space, where my mind was everything, its hard to describe but I felt i was beyond this world, and my mind was all there was, like I was deep inside myself. At this point I had no relation to the physical world, I was just a mind or a spirit spiraling down these amazing thought forms which reminded me of dna spirals. At the end of some of the spirals I felt I couldnt go any longer, or hold on to them any longer, because I would have to leave this world in order to do. It is really difficult to try and describe the nature of these thoughts, but alot of it was about who I was, and I think the main feeling was that I felt like I was EVERYTHING. It is so difficult to put into words and I dont even remember it all clearly, but I remember thinking that I would love some company in there to confirm that I was not the only thing existing. But the only thing that came to me again and again throughout this experience was the words "There is NOTHING to be afraid of", and i felt really good and save because nothing could ever hurt me at this level. And I really felt that this was what it was like to die. And it wasnt bad in any way. And I felt like i knew that my consciousness could never stop to exist, because it was the only thing that existed, it was at this point I missed some company, to know that I was not the only thing that was. But then I realized there was no difference between being "me" and being "someone else", and I didnt even know what it meant to be "anyone" at this stage, and then I just started to spiral round and round. It was very bizarre.
When I finally started to come back, I felt like i had been in deep sleep for 40 hours or something. And I didnt know if I had actually been asleep or not. I had no idea how long it had been since I drank the brew but my guess would have been something like 12 hours, but it turned out it had only been 5. When I first came out of it I thought that I was done with this drug, even though it was a good experience it was just to intense. But now that its been two days and my mind is fresh again, I feel like I got a new perspective on life, and I know that what I do now, is not what I wanna do with my life. I wanna work with people who are having a hard time like drug addicts and stuff. I also realized that the things that have been a curse in my own life, is a gift on the level that it has made me extremely humble, and there is no way I can ever feel "smart" og better than anyone no more and I wanna work with people who have gone through the same and kissed the bottom in whatever aspect. So at this point I dont feel like im done with dmt, but the next time I probably wont drink it, since that taste is terrible and the heavy feeling in the body is not nice either.
My first DMT experience(ayahuasca).
I came to this drug from a serious point of view, and with the intention of getting answers to some questions. I had actually made a list of questions before hand. These question were of a very personal nature, and so was the journey that brought me here. I have been experiencing alot of disease in my life(im young(22)), which have brought me down a pretty dark path. I could go into more detail about this, but thats not what this is about. But just so you know the background. So my questions were of the nature "What is the point to my life, and what am I here to do", but I dont think that I got any concrete answers from my experience, but more of a generel change of perspective. I guess I had hoped there would come some great mother spirit down and tell me all the answers straight up
I have in the past had experiences with mushrooms and ibogain one time. I started the brew as the first thing when I woke up, I drank or ate nothing but water. After 2½ hours the brew was ready, I actually dont know how much it was, I had just bought a "package" online. The brew tasted extremely bad, I drank as much of it as I could if I wasnt gonna puke, which was most of it but not all. I had read up on DMT on this forum and other places, and I was very nervous about was what about to happen. I was afraid it was gonna get to extreme. I shut all the light and laid in my bed with a bucket next to it. I laid there for an hour or something before I started to fell the drug kick in. I was very nauseas and felt a little sick in my body which annoyed me a bit. I was starting to trip but it was not extreme in any way, and it stayed like that for some time, so I concluded that it was not gonna get more intense, which I was relieved about. So i turned on my computer and sat there for a while, until I felt tired in my body and had to lay down, which I did and closed my eyes. And it was at this point the real experience started. It was not a visual trip in any way which I was happy about, It was like a trip of thought. My thoughts just started to spiral faster and faster, till the point where I couldnt control them or hold on to them in any way. So I just let go. It felt like I was in this no space, where my mind was everything, its hard to describe but I felt i was beyond this world, and my mind was all there was, like I was deep inside myself. At this point I had no relation to the physical world, I was just a mind or a spirit spiraling down these amazing thought forms which reminded me of dna spirals. At the end of some of the spirals I felt I couldnt go any longer, or hold on to them any longer, because I would have to leave this world in order to do. It is really difficult to try and describe the nature of these thoughts, but alot of it was about who I was, and I think the main feeling was that I felt like I was EVERYTHING. It is so difficult to put into words and I dont even remember it all clearly, but I remember thinking that I would love some company in there to confirm that I was not the only thing existing. But the only thing that came to me again and again throughout this experience was the words "There is NOTHING to be afraid of", and i felt really good and save because nothing could ever hurt me at this level. And I really felt that this was what it was like to die. And it wasnt bad in any way. And I felt like i knew that my consciousness could never stop to exist, because it was the only thing that existed, it was at this point I missed some company, to know that I was not the only thing that was. But then I realized there was no difference between being "me" and being "someone else", and I didnt even know what it meant to be "anyone" at this stage, and then I just started to spiral round and round. It was very bizarre.
When I finally started to come back, I felt like i had been in deep sleep for 40 hours or something. And I didnt know if I had actually been asleep or not. I had no idea how long it had been since I drank the brew but my guess would have been something like 12 hours, but it turned out it had only been 5. When I first came out of it I thought that I was done with this drug, even though it was a good experience it was just to intense. But now that its been two days and my mind is fresh again, I feel like I got a new perspective on life, and I know that what I do now, is not what I wanna do with my life. I wanna work with people who are having a hard time like drug addicts and stuff. I also realized that the things that have been a curse in my own life, is a gift on the level that it has made me extremely humble, and there is no way I can ever feel "smart" og better than anyone no more and I wanna work with people who have gone through the same and kissed the bottom in whatever aspect. So at this point I dont feel like im done with dmt, but the next time I probably wont drink it, since that taste is terrible and the heavy feeling in the body is not nice either.
