Greetings to all travelers out there!
First a few words about myself: I am a freshman university student of chemistry, and science in general has been a source of inspiration and wonder since my childhood. Literature and music are my primary interests along with science, and recently I have also discovered astanga yoga
How I ended up in nexus is a long story, but I'll try not to make it overly so. I also included a trip story I felt worth sharing. At this point I will apologize for my English, as it is not my native language.
I have been a spiritual seeker since I can remember. In my teens I found out that science isn't all there is, and that I might have to re-evaluate my worldview comprised of mainly atheism, logic and a degree of existentialism. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley was the best book I had ever read at that point, and soon I found out that Huxley had been using LSD. First I was somewhat disappointed that this amazing writer has used drugs, but since I had my own experiences with marijuana, The Doors of Perception was a must-read. And it rocked my world. It describes Huxleys first psychedelic experience with mescaline.
After The Doors I managed to find The Perennial Philosophy, a book in which Huxley describes the philosophy underlying all major world religions. What I found to be even more amazing was the connection of these two books: that the visionary state induced by psychedelics is the state that mystics would call "mystical experience", or merging with the Godhead, or ego loss etc. So, a chance of experiencing it personally? An offer I could not refuse 8)
During a timespan of roughly two years I gathered information about psychedelics. Then I decided it was time for my personal experience. The following is written by SWIM: I had taken mushrooms (semilanceata) once before, and that had been an positive but mild experience. Now it was the time for something more...deep? I had taken 2g of (cubensis) mushrooms with lemon juice (citric acid) few hours earlier, and the comedown had just started. My trip had been great and I felt almost reborn. Happy, confident and renewed. I decided that I had the perfect mindset for a really meaningful experience and took 3g more of the same mushrooms with citric acid. Words cannot describe what followed. At all.
I felt the effects really fast, it had been only half an hour since dosing but already I was in a condition I would have not believed possible. I was literally staring with my jaws open the paintings on the walls, those same paintings that had been there my whole life but I had never actually LOOKED at them...
At every step, meaningful and/or repressed memories flooded my consciousness.
I just couldn't believe what I was seeing, and what I was seeing was this moment. Such a treasure hidden in plain sight.
Half an hour later, the "I" that was at that point pure amazement stopped being an issue. It just melted away.
What remained was indescribable, so I'll call it the center. Soul, God, or Conscience are not bad words either.
As "my" thoughts were totally silent, I started receiving thoughts from my center. It was like thinking without the "I" involved. I saw such dephts of unconditioned love towards everything that I couldn't believe it was possible. Not only did I see these depths in "me", but outside too, in literally everything. Of course, such concepts like "in" or "out" didn't mean anything. It was all One.
After an hour or two (does time matter for someone immersed in eternity) of the most intense self-reflection period of my life it all ended very suddenly. The switch between ego-death and normal reality seemed almost instantaneous.
I listened to some of my favorite music and cried. I have never cried out of sheer happiness, but I couldn't help it. The beauty of what I saw just tore me apart and all I could do was cry. As I reflect on the experience, almost a full year later, I can't help but smile. This experience is still easily the most important in my life, its afterglow shines somewhere deep in me to this day.
This was my second experience with psychedelics, and all I can say is that all the reading and preparing was not in vain, as I got everything I could ask for and more. It seems that intent really is everything
I hope you enjoyed reading SWIM's story, and I want to thank this great community for being there. Nexus has been a source of information for me already a year or so, but I decided it was the time to finally join in.
Much Love & Understanding
First a few words about myself: I am a freshman university student of chemistry, and science in general has been a source of inspiration and wonder since my childhood. Literature and music are my primary interests along with science, and recently I have also discovered astanga yoga
How I ended up in nexus is a long story, but I'll try not to make it overly so. I also included a trip story I felt worth sharing. At this point I will apologize for my English, as it is not my native language.
I have been a spiritual seeker since I can remember. In my teens I found out that science isn't all there is, and that I might have to re-evaluate my worldview comprised of mainly atheism, logic and a degree of existentialism. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley was the best book I had ever read at that point, and soon I found out that Huxley had been using LSD. First I was somewhat disappointed that this amazing writer has used drugs, but since I had my own experiences with marijuana, The Doors of Perception was a must-read. And it rocked my world. It describes Huxleys first psychedelic experience with mescaline.
After The Doors I managed to find The Perennial Philosophy, a book in which Huxley describes the philosophy underlying all major world religions. What I found to be even more amazing was the connection of these two books: that the visionary state induced by psychedelics is the state that mystics would call "mystical experience", or merging with the Godhead, or ego loss etc. So, a chance of experiencing it personally? An offer I could not refuse 8)
During a timespan of roughly two years I gathered information about psychedelics. Then I decided it was time for my personal experience. The following is written by SWIM: I had taken mushrooms (semilanceata) once before, and that had been an positive but mild experience. Now it was the time for something more...deep? I had taken 2g of (cubensis) mushrooms with lemon juice (citric acid) few hours earlier, and the comedown had just started. My trip had been great and I felt almost reborn. Happy, confident and renewed. I decided that I had the perfect mindset for a really meaningful experience and took 3g more of the same mushrooms with citric acid. Words cannot describe what followed. At all.
I felt the effects really fast, it had been only half an hour since dosing but already I was in a condition I would have not believed possible. I was literally staring with my jaws open the paintings on the walls, those same paintings that had been there my whole life but I had never actually LOOKED at them...
At every step, meaningful and/or repressed memories flooded my consciousness.
I just couldn't believe what I was seeing, and what I was seeing was this moment. Such a treasure hidden in plain sight.
Half an hour later, the "I" that was at that point pure amazement stopped being an issue. It just melted away.
What remained was indescribable, so I'll call it the center. Soul, God, or Conscience are not bad words either.
As "my" thoughts were totally silent, I started receiving thoughts from my center. It was like thinking without the "I" involved. I saw such dephts of unconditioned love towards everything that I couldn't believe it was possible. Not only did I see these depths in "me", but outside too, in literally everything. Of course, such concepts like "in" or "out" didn't mean anything. It was all One.
After an hour or two (does time matter for someone immersed in eternity) of the most intense self-reflection period of my life it all ended very suddenly. The switch between ego-death and normal reality seemed almost instantaneous.
I listened to some of my favorite music and cried. I have never cried out of sheer happiness, but I couldn't help it. The beauty of what I saw just tore me apart and all I could do was cry. As I reflect on the experience, almost a full year later, I can't help but smile. This experience is still easily the most important in my life, its afterglow shines somewhere deep in me to this day.
This was my second experience with psychedelics, and all I can say is that all the reading and preparing was not in vain, as I got everything I could ask for and more. It seems that intent really is everything
I hope you enjoyed reading SWIM's story, and I want to thank this great community for being there. Nexus has been a source of information for me already a year or so, but I decided it was the time to finally join in.
Much Love & Understanding
