blacklist666
imagined clarity
What better way I thought to introduce myself than to give you a chance to see if how I introspectively journal-ed my first experience shows to any extent my potential to be a caring, helpful member some day. =) Part of me feels this is all you need, but to elaborate more about myself, I have a life spent researching everything your forum touches upon, and would invest the time to help the forum. I don't know where to start. I thought this would be a good way to get inside my head, and see how I think.
I take a toke for 5-10 seconds. Within 15 seconds I begin to feel my ears, back of my head, spine, and middle of my head disconnect. I hear a snap noise like a faint “crack” noise like a candy wrapper being thrown away. At that point I saw a chrysanthemum like arrangement of ghosting “poof” of light. Kind of looked like dots white which turned into circles. Once the dots became circles, the whole hallucination resembled the cheese grater we go through upon birth referred to by some circles as the “flower of life”. I feel myself beginning to feel like I am going up, like how it feels to fly upwards in a dream. Like when you take off in a dream to begin to fly. I feel I am flying away like a balloon kind of going left and right as I drift upwards. I feel pulled back like my vision and hearing are left behind as my mind is being pulled away and behind my head. Backwards and upwards My consciousness goes about as far as you can as if you are drifting away into a dream right before you meet unconsciousness.
I feel like I am now fully immersed in deep space. I feel like I’m floating in no particular direction in the back of my mind almost. All is dark but I feel a peculiar familiarity of self peering steadily around me at me. I feel these rips in the darkness like slits opening up. The slits can see me. It’s my sub conscious trying to figure out what I’m doing there, and trying to put me back in where I belong. There was a moment where it was almost like my subconscious wanted to know what to do with me almost like a cat that had come across a lost mouse. It almost felt like it wasn’t sure whether or not it had something of importance to show me or not.
It almost was as if it had been pondering something of great importance while asleep, and my presence was a distraction from its great work. It seemed it had something to show me, but it had a peculiar air of “you aren’t suppose to be here yet” behind it, and I’ll show you the door out. At the same time, it couldn’t help but bring me through allot of layers in order for me to find psycho integration so to speak, or reintegration with the conscious mind. It began to show me its strength, its muscle, and its vibration all at once by vibrating my consciousness in concordance within itself. I felt like it was vibrating, and I was going along for the ride; multiple overlapping vibrations in different ranges all overlapping in different sections of deep vibration. My single point of light of consciousness was being ripped through this gargantuan intellect.
I could feel the places it knew itself to be from, and saw several different parts of myself that came from strength I had once acquired. I had the righteous access to borrow from those strength ponds of dark matter as I was being propelled through the darkest rift of my mind towards the more integrative consciousness. I was able to throughout the entire sequence grasp onto access points of vibration in order to have frequencies of consciousness I could use later for total recall of self. It was like I was able to hold onto strands or lines toward my subconscious self; kind of like holding onto harp strings as I passed on through. I felt the deepest recesses of myself bringing meaning too through my reason for being shown what I was experiencing as I was traveling through it. As I passed through the chasms of my sub consciousness, I remember being shown the different aspects of my meta-selves as I passed through from the very beginning of my birth into the current now.
The darker and more tightly integrative the parts of me were, the closer they were towards my childhood, and the more articulated and refined the splits were, the more interrelated they had become. Almost every extrapolation of thought I had used cognitively as archetypical understandings were there. The more reflexive knowingness of my self seemed to have more a weight on the rest of my selves knowing of it self. I saw the recesses of my sub consciousness like a nautilus. That was the one hallucination I remember clearly. It didn’t go in towards the center like a nautilus shell does; rather it was just starting with the outer larger sections, and went forth linearly with a slight slant into a forwards rectangular kind of direction. I remember the whole visualization was to the left of me, so I can only imagine it was my right hand side of my brain. I was more being shown the expansiveness to which I could remember, or to which I could recall information if I wanted to. It was so expansive it seemed all I could do was to remember the deep tones of vibration that were access points toward the information contained there in. As I pushed through this phase of the experience I was compelled towards a meeting of minds.
I was able to see the contour of the face so to speak of my subconscious. It seemed to have a face so to speak. I was still a point of light at this phase, but at this point the sub consciousness wanted to know what I wanted it to accept as me for the next time I returned. It was peering into my intent very clearly. At this point I had to perceive myself as becoming its reply. It was almost as if my sub consciousness was asking what are you, and what do you want? At this point I said “I am here in order to become a mega me, to grow and to become better integrated with you.” To which the reply was Oh really? Then the sub consciousness opened up, retracted back away from my perception, and all the reins toward the different parts of my mind I had held onto previously became bungee cords that retracted the inner walls of my higher self at my conscious mind. At first, it was the question of how many directions do you want to go and for what reasons, then it was like a thousand worker bees asking me which way now.
It became a rapid fire multi directional simultaneous task of sorter for each part of my self and each part of my mind hungry wanting to be tasked from its source with new curriculum from which to study. I gave orders to each part of myself to study how to psycho integrate better within my conscious self in order that I might attain elevation of self. At this point my sub conscious came back and asked “What have you done? Are you sure you know what you have ordered to be done? I nodded yes, but ceded back humbly more for what the subconscious could better handle, and for what it had to show me next. It seemed the sub consciousness had to go away now to integrate my wishes and to see that any one part of my mind did not take the orders out of sorts within my highest purpose. It then returned to me with how my wishes might be integrated within my highest purpose, and it showed me a way a blueprint for conscious integration within my sub conscious mind.
Now the purpose of the experience shifted as I began to go into a place where I could see the growing aspects of my mind. I could see the mega-construct of the active portions of my mind where all the frontal lobe of inter-connectivity of my mind was being handled. I was given a glimpse at the circuitry behind where my mind could up or lower nervous system output with conscious control over stimulation of thought. I was in control of the output of electrical activity within my frontal lobe. I at first felt through it, and could feel the whole perimeter of my mind reacting to all the electrical activity, but I was still behind it. It was almost as if my sub consciousness said “See there? You’re going there, but you’re in control now.” At that point I decided to up the output of my minds electrical output a little bit, and then the sub conscious said “That’s enough” and I recognized it could be an overload of my neural net, so I stopped.
Then my subconscious decided it would stimulate my whole mind’s mega construct in pulses and waves. It tickled a little bit as it felt like arcing between cortical pathways sweeping over the frontal lobe, but this time I could see the interconnectedness of my whole conscious construct, and I could see how much of a trap it had become. I was stricken for a moment, and awed because at this point I had the ability to up the voltage output somehow consciously, and I felt an almost break through moment. It was as if almost my subconscious (which is 10,000 times larger, and more powerful) was behind my self – construct, and it was pulsing every time I pulsed upward the output of my nervous system, and I had to pulse it to where my subconscious would react appropriately, and I was working with it. I almost achieved a breakthrough point where I almost got the godhead to bind with the self construct, or at least it felt like it. It was frightening almost as if after I awake would I be able to handle this?
I hesitated, and I regret that however I believe this would have (If it had been successful) altered my character at some base level for which I could never explain. I remember at this point what I saw of my self construct resembled a leaf pressing. Inversely it was like looking at the tree of life vision from kundalini experience I had, but from the stem looking up to the tip of the trees top. I had the thought of when I would return to consciousness, and at that point it was too late as I was in the process of coming back. Coming back into conscious awareness was a bothersome thing. It felt like pushing in between a bunch of rubber balloons, and the longer I sat there and contemplated which one felt like the best way to go, the longer it took to go upwards. I remember a zigzag however where I felt I was being pressed left, then right. I just remember knowing it was like holding your breath, and swimming upwards towards the surface of water while knowing / believing in yourself that you would intrinsically know the best way by believing in yourself / being yourself, and allowing the moment to pass. At this point a part of me went asleep, and I was pissed.
I believe if I could have taken more of my consciousness with me from this place I would have had more access to my subconscious mind, but since that was not something I had consciously planned before going into the trip, it was not part of my intuition, or intention upon the duration of the journey, and probably for the best. Somewhere inside myself I know if I was aware of my subconscious mind all the time that I would probably be a vegetable, insane, or the most intelligent people in the world like an idiot savant unable to integrate with the outside world, so best left alone for now. I remember asking myself if I wanted to integrate different portions of my sub consciousness into my conscious self kind of like a man in a men’s department store being propositioned different suits and being asked if he liked the look of one or another, but in this case it was like being asked if I wanted a Swiss-army knife full of these facets of consciousness, these tools, or those.
I accepted everything I was offered. It was after this place that I remember a sensation of knowing what the meaning was of my conscious evolution more so than a profound reason for life. I came out of the situation with a clearer understanding of how the sub conscious aids and embeds the conscious mind, and how willing each are in part cooperatively within each other, and how they permit the pursuit of communication without direct involvement or disruption of each other. The subconscious intentionally behooves itself to be your equal and opposite half without your conscious mind acknowledging or knowing it is doing so; quite an interesting keeper.
I believe the profoundness of traveling within my self made any ego centric worldly emotional turmoil feel frivolous in comparison toward the meaning of what can be achieved within the confines of a lifetime given the proper mindfulness / intention. Throughout the experience I had the preconceived notion that the internal observations I would make going through this would be in direct contact with the collected information of my brain, and that by slowing down the experience enough to reason with my subconscious as well as breathe in as much as I could of the atmosphere and vibrations I absorbed that I would be collecting and condensing information in it’s rawest form as well as basking myself within this warmth of knowing-ness and certainty that “I know” or the great “I am I”.
The one thing I take from this in retrospect is that since DMT is secreted when you have those “Ah-Ha” moments that it is relational for a profound concept to set off several reactions within the brain. This time however one thing is sure, that is that this time my consciousness was the “Ah-Ha” being integrated, and my subconscious mind was like how do we handle this? What relevancy is this? What the %^&*? It didn’t know how / where to sort me into all this knowledge it has stored; definitely a one time unique experience for a first timer.
Day after:
Dreams are more mandala like lucid everything in bi meaning two halves playing out opposites symbolic meaningful communication with the subconscious pure meaningful communication. Ever since music is more vivid in dreams, themes are more loosely setting orientated and more themed on content, and breathing of awareness whole dreaming. Lucid dreamscapes lend themselves to more contemporary places I have visited before, and I have less inhibitions dreaming about more recent places I have visited in my life. Repeating music is a theme in my dreams more often, and lucid dreaming feels more restful. I am picking and pulling way more information back with me.
On a note ever since my experience it feels the path through which I went into myself inversely is a path through which like an electrical wire I could use again to contact my subconscious mind. It seems the path down into my self through which I traveled feels like an electrical line through which I can climb back down into the recesses of my mind in order to seek truth, understanding, wisdom, and connectedness in consciousness with my subconscious mind.
My dreams were of subdividing, contracting, and expanding designs, feelings, thoughts, and actions as shapes and colors. The meaning of a very repetitious music seems to be linked in the listening to the dialogue or information that travels along the sound waves / vibrations of the tones. It seems my subconscious wants me to listen to tones that unlock access to within my self in order that I might strengthen my connection through it towards myself. I am beginning to see that the subconscious is the real you, and your conscious is the illusion. Now only how to become your subconscious while you’re awake. My feeble conscious mind’s reaction’s “scary”; however I know that’s a bad thought, and better more it would be awesome to achieve.
It seems my pineal gland which had an iris, lens; etc is alive like an eye. The less I seek, the wider it becomes. It’s like an eye into my self where only by my subconscious looking out can I see it open up. Focusing on it makes it close. Allowing creativity to stimulate my mind opens it up. Your subconscious mind was tricking you all along. It was god.
I keep remembering the DMT hum. It was several different octaves of low pitched hum. Each octave had sub octaves of sound like strands. The hum was like a chorus ringing from lowest pitch to highest pitch, although the whole array of sounds of vibrating bass were differential, clearly audible, yet not interfering with each other at the same time. It sounded like somebody took their hands across a harp that emitted low pitched sound opposed to the normal high pitched sounds a harp will produce.
This whole sequence happened almost immediately after I felt like I was zooming backwards. Somehow I knew it was like I was going to blow my brains out, and after I took that toke, I felt like my brains were blown out. Like I held a pistol to my head and pulled the trigger right at my third eye as my head flew back. I remember even after being told to “hold it in” that after about 2-3 seconds of tingly ness I had to breathe out for I was so aware I was loosing track of time (counting in my head) that I had no other choice but to exhale for fear of holding it in too long.
Another recounting of the experience was the part where I was pushing through back into my senses and I described it as moving between balloons. I’m not sure it that was motor control returning, or something different, but I felt at that point I was re entering the human organism and by that I mean the normal nervous system control we all come to expect. It was more sensory nerves, however it really seemed contorted. It was like I was climbing up the spinal column snake back into my head or something. I’m just not sure to this day whether or not that was me re entering my pre conceived notions about sensory cognitive motor function, or what but it felt uncomfortable because reintegration seemed like such a natural and necessary thing, yet so contorted as though it was almost constipated.
Also I forgot to express another stage in my recounting of the experience. After that last experience the next part was where I was (to the best of my understanding) seeing I guess mandalas but to me they weren’t that. It was me perceiving through my optical nerve a kind of cross eyes blurry vision crazy colorful hallucinatory visual double eyed kaleidoscope of spatial depth distorted imagery like a bunch of rainbow glitter suspended in water, but with a definite retinal geometric imprint to it. Almost organic fractal snowflake shaped. All layers moving. Closest would move clockwise, the next counter clockwise, etc.
At this point, my breathing was starting to deepen, and with every exhale I was having a profound drawing in of the air (and information) around me in this space. It was almost like I was taking in the experiences, and memories, and lessons learned with every deep breath. This went on for about 7 breaths. Each breath was followed by a “Ok..”, “Ookayy..”, “Uh Huh..”, “Okay?” like a different word of oh my god holly #$%^ what the %^&* alright, right, and no choice but to accept this all in one “Ok” each time I exhaled.
I remember after coming out of the experience I definitely felt my subconscious mind looking over me. My shadow self was there and listening to my recounting of the experience, so I did recount it. Unfortunately nobody recorded it. I recall most of what I was going on about was advancing my consciousness; a mega integrative being; a super self, A mega construct of the over self.
_____
~Fin
=) Any questions or directions in how I should proceed with explaining myself would be welcome. ( I expect criticism for posting in the wrong section, but I thought this would be a fitting introduction since it was my first experience which lead me to this forum in the first place. )
I take a toke for 5-10 seconds. Within 15 seconds I begin to feel my ears, back of my head, spine, and middle of my head disconnect. I hear a snap noise like a faint “crack” noise like a candy wrapper being thrown away. At that point I saw a chrysanthemum like arrangement of ghosting “poof” of light. Kind of looked like dots white which turned into circles. Once the dots became circles, the whole hallucination resembled the cheese grater we go through upon birth referred to by some circles as the “flower of life”. I feel myself beginning to feel like I am going up, like how it feels to fly upwards in a dream. Like when you take off in a dream to begin to fly. I feel I am flying away like a balloon kind of going left and right as I drift upwards. I feel pulled back like my vision and hearing are left behind as my mind is being pulled away and behind my head. Backwards and upwards My consciousness goes about as far as you can as if you are drifting away into a dream right before you meet unconsciousness.
I feel like I am now fully immersed in deep space. I feel like I’m floating in no particular direction in the back of my mind almost. All is dark but I feel a peculiar familiarity of self peering steadily around me at me. I feel these rips in the darkness like slits opening up. The slits can see me. It’s my sub conscious trying to figure out what I’m doing there, and trying to put me back in where I belong. There was a moment where it was almost like my subconscious wanted to know what to do with me almost like a cat that had come across a lost mouse. It almost felt like it wasn’t sure whether or not it had something of importance to show me or not.
It almost was as if it had been pondering something of great importance while asleep, and my presence was a distraction from its great work. It seemed it had something to show me, but it had a peculiar air of “you aren’t suppose to be here yet” behind it, and I’ll show you the door out. At the same time, it couldn’t help but bring me through allot of layers in order for me to find psycho integration so to speak, or reintegration with the conscious mind. It began to show me its strength, its muscle, and its vibration all at once by vibrating my consciousness in concordance within itself. I felt like it was vibrating, and I was going along for the ride; multiple overlapping vibrations in different ranges all overlapping in different sections of deep vibration. My single point of light of consciousness was being ripped through this gargantuan intellect.
I could feel the places it knew itself to be from, and saw several different parts of myself that came from strength I had once acquired. I had the righteous access to borrow from those strength ponds of dark matter as I was being propelled through the darkest rift of my mind towards the more integrative consciousness. I was able to throughout the entire sequence grasp onto access points of vibration in order to have frequencies of consciousness I could use later for total recall of self. It was like I was able to hold onto strands or lines toward my subconscious self; kind of like holding onto harp strings as I passed on through. I felt the deepest recesses of myself bringing meaning too through my reason for being shown what I was experiencing as I was traveling through it. As I passed through the chasms of my sub consciousness, I remember being shown the different aspects of my meta-selves as I passed through from the very beginning of my birth into the current now.
The darker and more tightly integrative the parts of me were, the closer they were towards my childhood, and the more articulated and refined the splits were, the more interrelated they had become. Almost every extrapolation of thought I had used cognitively as archetypical understandings were there. The more reflexive knowingness of my self seemed to have more a weight on the rest of my selves knowing of it self. I saw the recesses of my sub consciousness like a nautilus. That was the one hallucination I remember clearly. It didn’t go in towards the center like a nautilus shell does; rather it was just starting with the outer larger sections, and went forth linearly with a slight slant into a forwards rectangular kind of direction. I remember the whole visualization was to the left of me, so I can only imagine it was my right hand side of my brain. I was more being shown the expansiveness to which I could remember, or to which I could recall information if I wanted to. It was so expansive it seemed all I could do was to remember the deep tones of vibration that were access points toward the information contained there in. As I pushed through this phase of the experience I was compelled towards a meeting of minds.
I was able to see the contour of the face so to speak of my subconscious. It seemed to have a face so to speak. I was still a point of light at this phase, but at this point the sub consciousness wanted to know what I wanted it to accept as me for the next time I returned. It was peering into my intent very clearly. At this point I had to perceive myself as becoming its reply. It was almost as if my sub consciousness was asking what are you, and what do you want? At this point I said “I am here in order to become a mega me, to grow and to become better integrated with you.” To which the reply was Oh really? Then the sub consciousness opened up, retracted back away from my perception, and all the reins toward the different parts of my mind I had held onto previously became bungee cords that retracted the inner walls of my higher self at my conscious mind. At first, it was the question of how many directions do you want to go and for what reasons, then it was like a thousand worker bees asking me which way now.
It became a rapid fire multi directional simultaneous task of sorter for each part of my self and each part of my mind hungry wanting to be tasked from its source with new curriculum from which to study. I gave orders to each part of myself to study how to psycho integrate better within my conscious self in order that I might attain elevation of self. At this point my sub conscious came back and asked “What have you done? Are you sure you know what you have ordered to be done? I nodded yes, but ceded back humbly more for what the subconscious could better handle, and for what it had to show me next. It seemed the sub consciousness had to go away now to integrate my wishes and to see that any one part of my mind did not take the orders out of sorts within my highest purpose. It then returned to me with how my wishes might be integrated within my highest purpose, and it showed me a way a blueprint for conscious integration within my sub conscious mind.
Now the purpose of the experience shifted as I began to go into a place where I could see the growing aspects of my mind. I could see the mega-construct of the active portions of my mind where all the frontal lobe of inter-connectivity of my mind was being handled. I was given a glimpse at the circuitry behind where my mind could up or lower nervous system output with conscious control over stimulation of thought. I was in control of the output of electrical activity within my frontal lobe. I at first felt through it, and could feel the whole perimeter of my mind reacting to all the electrical activity, but I was still behind it. It was almost as if my sub consciousness said “See there? You’re going there, but you’re in control now.” At that point I decided to up the output of my minds electrical output a little bit, and then the sub conscious said “That’s enough” and I recognized it could be an overload of my neural net, so I stopped.
Then my subconscious decided it would stimulate my whole mind’s mega construct in pulses and waves. It tickled a little bit as it felt like arcing between cortical pathways sweeping over the frontal lobe, but this time I could see the interconnectedness of my whole conscious construct, and I could see how much of a trap it had become. I was stricken for a moment, and awed because at this point I had the ability to up the voltage output somehow consciously, and I felt an almost break through moment. It was as if almost my subconscious (which is 10,000 times larger, and more powerful) was behind my self – construct, and it was pulsing every time I pulsed upward the output of my nervous system, and I had to pulse it to where my subconscious would react appropriately, and I was working with it. I almost achieved a breakthrough point where I almost got the godhead to bind with the self construct, or at least it felt like it. It was frightening almost as if after I awake would I be able to handle this?
I hesitated, and I regret that however I believe this would have (If it had been successful) altered my character at some base level for which I could never explain. I remember at this point what I saw of my self construct resembled a leaf pressing. Inversely it was like looking at the tree of life vision from kundalini experience I had, but from the stem looking up to the tip of the trees top. I had the thought of when I would return to consciousness, and at that point it was too late as I was in the process of coming back. Coming back into conscious awareness was a bothersome thing. It felt like pushing in between a bunch of rubber balloons, and the longer I sat there and contemplated which one felt like the best way to go, the longer it took to go upwards. I remember a zigzag however where I felt I was being pressed left, then right. I just remember knowing it was like holding your breath, and swimming upwards towards the surface of water while knowing / believing in yourself that you would intrinsically know the best way by believing in yourself / being yourself, and allowing the moment to pass. At this point a part of me went asleep, and I was pissed.
I believe if I could have taken more of my consciousness with me from this place I would have had more access to my subconscious mind, but since that was not something I had consciously planned before going into the trip, it was not part of my intuition, or intention upon the duration of the journey, and probably for the best. Somewhere inside myself I know if I was aware of my subconscious mind all the time that I would probably be a vegetable, insane, or the most intelligent people in the world like an idiot savant unable to integrate with the outside world, so best left alone for now. I remember asking myself if I wanted to integrate different portions of my sub consciousness into my conscious self kind of like a man in a men’s department store being propositioned different suits and being asked if he liked the look of one or another, but in this case it was like being asked if I wanted a Swiss-army knife full of these facets of consciousness, these tools, or those.
I accepted everything I was offered. It was after this place that I remember a sensation of knowing what the meaning was of my conscious evolution more so than a profound reason for life. I came out of the situation with a clearer understanding of how the sub conscious aids and embeds the conscious mind, and how willing each are in part cooperatively within each other, and how they permit the pursuit of communication without direct involvement or disruption of each other. The subconscious intentionally behooves itself to be your equal and opposite half without your conscious mind acknowledging or knowing it is doing so; quite an interesting keeper.
I believe the profoundness of traveling within my self made any ego centric worldly emotional turmoil feel frivolous in comparison toward the meaning of what can be achieved within the confines of a lifetime given the proper mindfulness / intention. Throughout the experience I had the preconceived notion that the internal observations I would make going through this would be in direct contact with the collected information of my brain, and that by slowing down the experience enough to reason with my subconscious as well as breathe in as much as I could of the atmosphere and vibrations I absorbed that I would be collecting and condensing information in it’s rawest form as well as basking myself within this warmth of knowing-ness and certainty that “I know” or the great “I am I”.
The one thing I take from this in retrospect is that since DMT is secreted when you have those “Ah-Ha” moments that it is relational for a profound concept to set off several reactions within the brain. This time however one thing is sure, that is that this time my consciousness was the “Ah-Ha” being integrated, and my subconscious mind was like how do we handle this? What relevancy is this? What the %^&*? It didn’t know how / where to sort me into all this knowledge it has stored; definitely a one time unique experience for a first timer.
Day after:
Dreams are more mandala like lucid everything in bi meaning two halves playing out opposites symbolic meaningful communication with the subconscious pure meaningful communication. Ever since music is more vivid in dreams, themes are more loosely setting orientated and more themed on content, and breathing of awareness whole dreaming. Lucid dreamscapes lend themselves to more contemporary places I have visited before, and I have less inhibitions dreaming about more recent places I have visited in my life. Repeating music is a theme in my dreams more often, and lucid dreaming feels more restful. I am picking and pulling way more information back with me.
On a note ever since my experience it feels the path through which I went into myself inversely is a path through which like an electrical wire I could use again to contact my subconscious mind. It seems the path down into my self through which I traveled feels like an electrical line through which I can climb back down into the recesses of my mind in order to seek truth, understanding, wisdom, and connectedness in consciousness with my subconscious mind.
My dreams were of subdividing, contracting, and expanding designs, feelings, thoughts, and actions as shapes and colors. The meaning of a very repetitious music seems to be linked in the listening to the dialogue or information that travels along the sound waves / vibrations of the tones. It seems my subconscious wants me to listen to tones that unlock access to within my self in order that I might strengthen my connection through it towards myself. I am beginning to see that the subconscious is the real you, and your conscious is the illusion. Now only how to become your subconscious while you’re awake. My feeble conscious mind’s reaction’s “scary”; however I know that’s a bad thought, and better more it would be awesome to achieve.
It seems my pineal gland which had an iris, lens; etc is alive like an eye. The less I seek, the wider it becomes. It’s like an eye into my self where only by my subconscious looking out can I see it open up. Focusing on it makes it close. Allowing creativity to stimulate my mind opens it up. Your subconscious mind was tricking you all along. It was god.
I keep remembering the DMT hum. It was several different octaves of low pitched hum. Each octave had sub octaves of sound like strands. The hum was like a chorus ringing from lowest pitch to highest pitch, although the whole array of sounds of vibrating bass were differential, clearly audible, yet not interfering with each other at the same time. It sounded like somebody took their hands across a harp that emitted low pitched sound opposed to the normal high pitched sounds a harp will produce.
This whole sequence happened almost immediately after I felt like I was zooming backwards. Somehow I knew it was like I was going to blow my brains out, and after I took that toke, I felt like my brains were blown out. Like I held a pistol to my head and pulled the trigger right at my third eye as my head flew back. I remember even after being told to “hold it in” that after about 2-3 seconds of tingly ness I had to breathe out for I was so aware I was loosing track of time (counting in my head) that I had no other choice but to exhale for fear of holding it in too long.
Another recounting of the experience was the part where I was pushing through back into my senses and I described it as moving between balloons. I’m not sure it that was motor control returning, or something different, but I felt at that point I was re entering the human organism and by that I mean the normal nervous system control we all come to expect. It was more sensory nerves, however it really seemed contorted. It was like I was climbing up the spinal column snake back into my head or something. I’m just not sure to this day whether or not that was me re entering my pre conceived notions about sensory cognitive motor function, or what but it felt uncomfortable because reintegration seemed like such a natural and necessary thing, yet so contorted as though it was almost constipated.
Also I forgot to express another stage in my recounting of the experience. After that last experience the next part was where I was (to the best of my understanding) seeing I guess mandalas but to me they weren’t that. It was me perceiving through my optical nerve a kind of cross eyes blurry vision crazy colorful hallucinatory visual double eyed kaleidoscope of spatial depth distorted imagery like a bunch of rainbow glitter suspended in water, but with a definite retinal geometric imprint to it. Almost organic fractal snowflake shaped. All layers moving. Closest would move clockwise, the next counter clockwise, etc.
At this point, my breathing was starting to deepen, and with every exhale I was having a profound drawing in of the air (and information) around me in this space. It was almost like I was taking in the experiences, and memories, and lessons learned with every deep breath. This went on for about 7 breaths. Each breath was followed by a “Ok..”, “Ookayy..”, “Uh Huh..”, “Okay?” like a different word of oh my god holly #$%^ what the %^&* alright, right, and no choice but to accept this all in one “Ok” each time I exhaled.
I remember after coming out of the experience I definitely felt my subconscious mind looking over me. My shadow self was there and listening to my recounting of the experience, so I did recount it. Unfortunately nobody recorded it. I recall most of what I was going on about was advancing my consciousness; a mega integrative being; a super self, A mega construct of the over self.
_____
~Fin
=) Any questions or directions in how I should proceed with explaining myself would be welcome. ( I expect criticism for posting in the wrong section, but I thought this would be a fitting introduction since it was my first experience which lead me to this forum in the first place. )
...may i ask how long ago and in what set & setting your 1st experience was?
