Angel_Above
Rising Star
Odd bunch of party animals, they are.
This will probably be long.
I smoked .2 grams of some plain leaf, followed by some of my DMT residue that's been sittin' in my pipe for a while.
I've smoked salvia about 6 times, and each time was very pleasantly weird (best way I can describe it) and I wanted to see how deep simple plain leaf could take me, without trying to overdo it.
After I finished the bowl of salvia I felt at ease. I kept saying "I'm here to learn. I come with love. I'm here to learn" and then I remembered that I have my DMT pipe in my drawer. It has been on my to-do list to combine these fine chemicals together so I guess that is what made me do what I did next.
I pulled it out. Without hesitation, I began lighting it. I looked at the bulb on my oil burner the same exact way I looked at it before my third hit on my breakthrough DMT trip, as if the smoke were knowledge and I was only doing it to learn, beyond normal perception, about the universe, the Self, the collective consciousness; whatever the spirits of these decided to show me.
I took a decent 4-5 hits out of my pipe, which was definitely more in comparison to the amount of salvia I smoked and the effects.
All of this is done alone. There was something about that moment, I really don't know, but when I stared at that pipe it was as if I wasn't afraid of anything. I didn't plan on smoking DMT for a while until I felt I could handle it, because my last attempt at hyperspace left me in my room feeling very "blank," it seemed as if instead of hyperspace travel I went to a place of nothingness, like limbo would be.
And there I was... Sitting on my bed in pure silence because I respect the spirits enough to give them my full attention when I embark on these journeys through consciousness or whatever "really" happens on these substances.
I started seeing the usual "salvia people" as I call them. Everytime I see them, they're doing normal human things. Until I say something in my head that either angers them or encourages them to teach me things.
I felt like I was being pulled down for some reason. Then I thought that specific thought, and for some reason, with my eyes closed I saw a black man turn his head to me and say "going down!" like he were an elevator man.
I kind of chuckled because it seemed like sarcasm. Then I felt the need to analyze the situation to better gain from the experience, but I guess this was wrong to do because the more I tried to analyze the situation, the more I saw things that were completely normal and seemed to have no value in terms of "learning from the experience."
Then I started getting frustrated. I felt like "well maybe there is nothing to learn from these plants, and people are talking out of their asses" then something responded with a "oh yeah? Think THIS!" and the normal human salvia person just thought up this impossible building or room or something. I don't know what it was, but it was so odd... I saw the structure moving up and down within itself.
Then I began to think that since some see the psychedelic experience as a projection of the subconscious, that I was the one behind all the super-intelligent thinking the whole time I've been on any substance.
The more and more I saw those salvia people, or humans or whatever, I began to get really frustrated so I started focusing on something else so I could try to travel further.
Another thought I remember happened when I saw this tunnel with my eyes closed. I went through it and arrived at some guys house, near a corner. And he wanted me to follow him around the corner. And since I was facing straight and I had to turn left, I was faced with a dilemma.
"Well if I'm here, how can I travel there?" and I ended up doing it anyway... maybe some weird form of astral travel?
Then I saw a man and a woman, who were fighting in their living room, then they held hands as I said something about "I won't be able to learn from this" Once they held hands I kind of felt a good feeling. Even if I did control the situation with my mind because it was merely a projection of my mind, I liked the fact that in the end, in a "fantasy" of mine, it all worked out.
I think I'm too focused on specific things and that's the problem. I feel like these trips have metaphors that are useful, and it's not always the feeling you have on it or the thought you have on it, but the sober analyzation of WHY you had the thought that has the most meaning.
It's all a projection of my worries about spirituality. There is some deep, deep part of me that wants to not believe in God, but the best part of me does. As much as I do these to learn about consciousness, I also want to learn about God.
I ended up letting the spiritual side take over and I recited a Hail Mary. After that, I stopped seeing the salvia people and just began to see beautiful artwork. Escher-like things.
This trip has a lot to teach me about my intentions for what I'm doing. There's something magnificent in the psychedelic experience by itself. I am going to start meditating more, and doing more research on the experience brought on by DMT because this trip had salvia like qualities, but was mostly a DMT trip.
The weird thing is, usually I'm a very spiritual person who believes in God wholeheartedly. Maybe it's that "science" part of my mind that I've been working to destroy; the one that can only believe based on experimental data.
But do you guys ever think we put too much into these experiences? I've had great experiences, and some horrible ones, but no matter how deep I go, I always seem to have some effect on the experience with a simple thought. I spend a lot of time "arguing with myself" as I call it... It's usually about stuff that can never be answered. As humans we always chase the "truth;" there's something about trying to find the truth that is a part of our being. But occasionally I'll think "is it possible that there is no spirituality in the world? No God, nothing to gain from psychedelics, no eternity after death" etc. And since faith is the only thing keeping the other side of the argument alive, I feel it can be possible. And since there is no "truth" for us, (each person will think of God and death separately, no matter what religion) what we are doing to find the truth through direct-experience could be dead-wrong.
Maybe I'm going about using entheogens the wrong way? Should I change my mindset about it?
I kind of rambled here, but I'm just wondering. I spend a lot of my time reading into psychedelics, spirituality, physics, consciousness, happiness, etc, so it's not like I'm against these things at all. But there's always that negative side of me that wants me to feel wrong doing what I'm doing because we can NEVER get to a point where we are like "I'm doing the RIGHT thing" for the definition of right differs for every one of us, we will just feel that what we're doing is right.
This will probably be long.
I smoked .2 grams of some plain leaf, followed by some of my DMT residue that's been sittin' in my pipe for a while.
I've smoked salvia about 6 times, and each time was very pleasantly weird (best way I can describe it) and I wanted to see how deep simple plain leaf could take me, without trying to overdo it.
After I finished the bowl of salvia I felt at ease. I kept saying "I'm here to learn. I come with love. I'm here to learn" and then I remembered that I have my DMT pipe in my drawer. It has been on my to-do list to combine these fine chemicals together so I guess that is what made me do what I did next.
I pulled it out. Without hesitation, I began lighting it. I looked at the bulb on my oil burner the same exact way I looked at it before my third hit on my breakthrough DMT trip, as if the smoke were knowledge and I was only doing it to learn, beyond normal perception, about the universe, the Self, the collective consciousness; whatever the spirits of these decided to show me.
I took a decent 4-5 hits out of my pipe, which was definitely more in comparison to the amount of salvia I smoked and the effects.
All of this is done alone. There was something about that moment, I really don't know, but when I stared at that pipe it was as if I wasn't afraid of anything. I didn't plan on smoking DMT for a while until I felt I could handle it, because my last attempt at hyperspace left me in my room feeling very "blank," it seemed as if instead of hyperspace travel I went to a place of nothingness, like limbo would be.
And there I was... Sitting on my bed in pure silence because I respect the spirits enough to give them my full attention when I embark on these journeys through consciousness or whatever "really" happens on these substances.
I started seeing the usual "salvia people" as I call them. Everytime I see them, they're doing normal human things. Until I say something in my head that either angers them or encourages them to teach me things.
I felt like I was being pulled down for some reason. Then I thought that specific thought, and for some reason, with my eyes closed I saw a black man turn his head to me and say "going down!" like he were an elevator man.
I kind of chuckled because it seemed like sarcasm. Then I felt the need to analyze the situation to better gain from the experience, but I guess this was wrong to do because the more I tried to analyze the situation, the more I saw things that were completely normal and seemed to have no value in terms of "learning from the experience."
Then I started getting frustrated. I felt like "well maybe there is nothing to learn from these plants, and people are talking out of their asses" then something responded with a "oh yeah? Think THIS!" and the normal human salvia person just thought up this impossible building or room or something. I don't know what it was, but it was so odd... I saw the structure moving up and down within itself.
Then I began to think that since some see the psychedelic experience as a projection of the subconscious, that I was the one behind all the super-intelligent thinking the whole time I've been on any substance.
The more and more I saw those salvia people, or humans or whatever, I began to get really frustrated so I started focusing on something else so I could try to travel further.
Another thought I remember happened when I saw this tunnel with my eyes closed. I went through it and arrived at some guys house, near a corner. And he wanted me to follow him around the corner. And since I was facing straight and I had to turn left, I was faced with a dilemma.
"Well if I'm here, how can I travel there?" and I ended up doing it anyway... maybe some weird form of astral travel?
Then I saw a man and a woman, who were fighting in their living room, then they held hands as I said something about "I won't be able to learn from this" Once they held hands I kind of felt a good feeling. Even if I did control the situation with my mind because it was merely a projection of my mind, I liked the fact that in the end, in a "fantasy" of mine, it all worked out.
I think I'm too focused on specific things and that's the problem. I feel like these trips have metaphors that are useful, and it's not always the feeling you have on it or the thought you have on it, but the sober analyzation of WHY you had the thought that has the most meaning.
It's all a projection of my worries about spirituality. There is some deep, deep part of me that wants to not believe in God, but the best part of me does. As much as I do these to learn about consciousness, I also want to learn about God.
I ended up letting the spiritual side take over and I recited a Hail Mary. After that, I stopped seeing the salvia people and just began to see beautiful artwork. Escher-like things.
This trip has a lot to teach me about my intentions for what I'm doing. There's something magnificent in the psychedelic experience by itself. I am going to start meditating more, and doing more research on the experience brought on by DMT because this trip had salvia like qualities, but was mostly a DMT trip.
The weird thing is, usually I'm a very spiritual person who believes in God wholeheartedly. Maybe it's that "science" part of my mind that I've been working to destroy; the one that can only believe based on experimental data.
But do you guys ever think we put too much into these experiences? I've had great experiences, and some horrible ones, but no matter how deep I go, I always seem to have some effect on the experience with a simple thought. I spend a lot of time "arguing with myself" as I call it... It's usually about stuff that can never be answered. As humans we always chase the "truth;" there's something about trying to find the truth that is a part of our being. But occasionally I'll think "is it possible that there is no spirituality in the world? No God, nothing to gain from psychedelics, no eternity after death" etc. And since faith is the only thing keeping the other side of the argument alive, I feel it can be possible. And since there is no "truth" for us, (each person will think of God and death separately, no matter what religion) what we are doing to find the truth through direct-experience could be dead-wrong.
Maybe I'm going about using entheogens the wrong way? Should I change my mindset about it?
I kind of rambled here, but I'm just wondering. I spend a lot of my time reading into psychedelics, spirituality, physics, consciousness, happiness, etc, so it's not like I'm against these things at all. But there's always that negative side of me that wants me to feel wrong doing what I'm doing because we can NEVER get to a point where we are like "I'm doing the RIGHT thing" for the definition of right differs for every one of us, we will just feel that what we're doing is right.
