Forgiveness ?

[Karlugato(lol)]

Hi I just wanted to start this thread and ask about the one love that I've seen talked about a lot.
I understand the concept and what it means, but how do you forgive and love those who hurt you? (or do I understand this wrongly)
(my bad if this has already been asked before or if it seems stupid I just want to understand)

 

[DMT Lexus]

It depends on what you mean.
Forgive what exactly? To whom? What are the actions? To love for what and why?

There are a lot of questions here that you should clarify. If someone has done an outright evil, then such a person should be punished.
You can't react to evil with good, otherwise how do you react to good? This devalues good and multiplies evil, because if evil is not nipped at the root, then evil multiplies, and good weakens.

As the saying goes, for evil to triumph, all that is needed is that good does nothing. And in order not to have to forgive, do not be offended. Forgiving and loving those who have caused pain is obvious masachism and is similar to schizophrenia. It doesn't make any sense. You can mentally thank them for the lesson. But any evil must be punished immediately.

Which other living being would love and forgive someone who intentionally hurt them? Yes, even the most loyal dog would turn away from such a "friend". This "schizophrenia" to love and forgive maniacs is peculiar only to man, and this was instilled by brainwashing artificially.
Tit for tat, measure for measure. The rule works on Sicilia and in any self-respecting society.

 

[Voidmatrix]

This thread may be of interest to you.

I think it depends on a variety of things, including your personal beliefs. There are people that believe like DMT Lexus and don't feel that some transgressions should be forgiven. There are others that believe everything should be forgiven (evidenced by the thread shared above).

Do you feel that this person should be forgiven? Are you operating on this idea based on what others say about "the power of forgiveness." Are there reciprocal benefits or personal benefits by you doing this work?

I personally try to forgive through an aspect of my understanding that we all make mistakes and no one knows everything, and sometimes some of these mistakes whether an actual mistake or due to having a poor mentality, are more drastic and catastrophic than others. It also helps me to let go and move on with my life. Granted, some things I haven't forgiven and it doesn't bother me.

One thing that can help you learn to forgive is by beginning to do what is called shadow work, where you deeply and honestly assess yourself, particularly in interpersonal interactions, especially ones involving conflict. Even if you are guilt-free (whether actually or just in your own mind) analyze the ways in which you contributed to the escalation of a given situation. Even if at the time you thought you were doing the best you could, see where you may have fell short, done or said something differently, and or could have completely diffused the situation. It takes practice, but after a time you can use this to forgive, accept, understand or overlook a situation by inverting the process and realizing that there may be somethings that the other participating party may not be aware of, with themselves or something else.

There's also a difference between forgiveness and acceptance. Sometimes the latter will do.

One love

Edit: And to be unbiased, you may be interested in this one as well. :twisted:

 

[ephedra]

So that we update ourselves with the principles of justice that normally govern.. What is legal and illegal in the normative context of each community of individuals is one thing, and what seems to be right or wrong for each one is quite another. But as luckily we no longer live in the times of the law of retaliation, also luckily or (at least I) no longer live under the justice preferences of any mafia sect. So it depends from what type of ethics you see the issue, the matter changes. But I think that constitutionally in all modern societies/states things are quite similar and rational.
As for forgiving relative things, or that kind of thing that at least is not under the law in a subjunctive and direct way, it is quite complicated. Sometimes not everything can turn out the way you want it, sometimes people are not what we think is right for them to be or in the future you may see that the majority will almost never act in the way that seems most consistent with your referential system of beliefs. Sometimes it's hard to pass off these different actions or forms because they're things our inner consciousness of fairness has to deal with, especially if your personality tends to be sensitive, dreamy, or idealistic. Reality very rarely has to do with those, inner fantasies. You can't even be exempt from people lying to you, even if you are the most honest person in the world. You will always be exposed to being cheated, lied to, and almost all the "evils" in the world. It is up to one to be carried away by these social traps or not. To forgive, well, for me, to give an example, at one time it was very difficult for me to forgive certain relatives who criticized me in some way and said that I was crazy. What a big thing that was in my adolescence, making me so much deep noise. The truth is that I couldn't do much to change them, I couldn't understand them either, and what did I have to forgive them for? what were different? Over time you learn to ignore things you don't like. That's what I learned. And I also learned that there is no law that says that being crazy should be punished (which I am, come on, I always was) or that criticizing someone who is crazy should also be punished. Taking things to the extreme of due ethical limits if it is out of place, for example. Such a, killing a crazy person, stealing, or that kind of thing that almost everyone knows about. But in general one has to learn to tolerate the difference and let it go.

 

[ShadedSelf]

In my experience forgiveness can be a very long process and not particularly pretty, sometimes we are just not willing to forgive deep down, wanting to forgive to "get the benefits" might not work in that case.
It can also be a quick one, it depends on the hurt usually.

I would start with acceptance, acceptance of the hurt, acceptance of the blame, the resentment, acceptance of every feeling, thought or outcome involved, and, possibly, acceptance of the lack of forgiveness.
Perhaps even acceptance of a lack of acceptance, it all depends on where you are.

You are basically giving the other person a pass, you are letting go of a sense of control of the situation.
We hold on to resentment because the mind thinks its usefull, you will have to sacrifice that usefullness and let the hurt be.

Sometimes forgiveness is never complete without forgiveness of the self, Id explore whether you blame yourself on some level.

There seems to be a hierarchy as far as I can tell:
Acceptance -> Forgiveness -> Love

 

[MAGMA17]

In my opinion these are considerations not to be done in absolute terms, otherwise it simply becomes an idealistic point of view and not very compliant with what really happens around us. What I think, then, is that it simply depends...as in so many things.
There are mistakes made unconsciously by people who do not realize what they are doing: in that case forgiveness is important, and the main fault should not be given to the individual but to society that does not put every human being in a position to develop a full awareness of the consequences of his actions. Every human being is also the result of the environment in which he has lived.

Then, of course, what our minds tells us and what we feel inside of us doesn't always match. In fact, we must not put too much pressure on this and understand that (as ShadedSelf said) we must know how to forgive ourselves in not being able to forgive. If you are in front of a serious thing and can't forgive, it's normal and no one can tell you anything. If you can, you're doing that extra something that it’s just beautiful for everyone involved.

Let's say that those who can forgive must be rewarded, rather than blaming those who can’t!

Tit for tat, measure for measure. The rule works on Sicilia and in any self-respecting society.

Sorry, but as an italian, that’s just cringe.
Maybe you don't know what you're talking about. Let’s leave aside the fact that from there the most powerful mafia in the world was born (perhaps not at this precise historical moment, but for several decades yes), but let's talk about this culture of respect you're talking about. I ask you a simple question: do you think it's right for a husband to kill his wife because she has cheated on him or just wants a divorce? Until recently it was considered normal in those places, in fact, you would have been removed from society if you didn't kill her.

 

[brokedownpalace10]

Everything should be forgiven. Not for the transgressor, for yourself.
However, some people are toxic and you are allowed to decide not to be around them.
The difficult question is how or if to forgive while transgressions are still occurring, while you are still being attacked.

 

[Loveall]

I think it depends. Generally, hurting others is a dysfunction from an underlying issue.

Forgiveness can be useful to help heal. It can be a part of an important process.

Addressing the root causes of why people hurt others and/or feel hurt is good energy. Forgiveness may help us get there and avoid dysfunctional spirals.

Also, if there is no free will (I don't know if there is or not), forgiveness makes a lot of sense.

As we grow and change, forgiving oneself for not knowing better is also very important. Truly forgiving oneself may not come easy, and it is important to sit with that I think.

So how to forgive? I think by making it a part of a creative healing process. Other parts of this can be adding health and nature and community to ones life.

 

[thymamai]

god, m8.

havent you been through enough to know yet?

ppl on the net are all ego and batshit starving narc af insane. dont even ask.

ask yourself

 

[thymamai]

that is the only person anybody need share with. guarantee you

 

[thymamai]

duplicate. not allowed to delete

 

[ABe©eDarian]

I came to realize that the people I depended on the most were the source of most of my hurt and trauma. It came to the decision that I wanted to forgive and share the information that would help us not have so many misunderstandings.