Freebase DMT and the feeling of pure terror

[anonsurfer]

Every single time I have broken through on DMT (about 5-6 times) I have gotten an extremely similar experience. It went something like, "You have messed up, why do you keep coming back here, we told you last time to stay back and now you have lost your chance and stuck here forever" I do not hear these voices but it is more like a feeling I have gotten pretty much every time. It kind of loops again and again while in there, I kind of forget it and it surfaces seconds later, reminding me. I really want to get past this and feel the true beauty of the molecule that everybody explains. I am kind of scared to do Ayahuasca even though I hear that it is a lot easier to handle and usually won't put you in such a bad state for the whole 4 hour trip. People have told me it has something to do with not being able to let go of the ego, and I kind of think it might be the reason because I keep wanting to be able to go back to the physical world rather than sitting back and watching. But I remember in atleast one trip I kept trying to tell myself that I am on DMT and that there is nothing to worry about yet I was still hit pretty hard with the feeling of being stuck which overwhelmed me to believing I was once again stuck. I am thinking about getting some Changa and seeing how that goes for me because I am positive freebasing will just keep giving me this same effect. I keep getting urges to do more of it but I get scared and end up not touching it. The smell of it is also unsettling. What do you guys recommend I do? I do not want to take a break because I really do want to experience the pure beauty of this molecule. Even with these experiences, I have changed from who I was before by realizing what I want to become, what I am doing wrong in life and getting into spirituality and slowly improving my life. I am also a very positive and compassionate person so I don't see why I get punished Thanks!

 

[DreaMTripper]

Hmm well the ego does like to be on terrafirma or it cant survive.
Its not punishment you will get to experience the pure freedom a breakthrough can give you but you.need to face your fears first.
Often I think it is societal conditioning and the old "some never come back" myth but Ive never read of anyone losing all touch with the material world permanently after vapourising dmt.

You could try upping the dose gradually start with 10mg and experience that a few times its very pleasant and theraupetic, then maybe go to 20 (or 15 if using a GVG) . Then +10mg again..

Or, just go straight for gold and load a sure fire breakthrough dose as after a few seconds youre ego wont have a choice but to dissolve then its all about submitting. You dont realy have a choice at that point fighting it will create a very rough ride leading to a jarred loopy experience.
I take it this voice (your deep rooted fear imo) interrupts after a few seconds?
Seems like a subbreakthrough thing where you are half in half out.
" “The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn 'em all away. But they're not punishing you,' he said. 'They're freeing your soul. If your frightened of dying, and your holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.
Bruce Joel Rubin" Same applies to ego death/rebirth..

 

[3rdI]

well, the Magic can be a harsh mistress that's for sure. What is your dosage/smoking method for these experiences?

it might be worth dropping your dose and becoming comfortable with the lower end effects of the Magic(if you haven't already) and then working your way back up.

or look at it a different way, why would the experience tell you this? is there anything in your life that needs sorting out? I think that if you are not able to let go in these extreme experiences then it makes a massive difference, maybe look into some thing like meditation to calm the mind before you partake.

CHANGA IN THE BONGA!

:thumb_up:

 

[Spirit Mandala]

Having used both dmt and ayahuasca, I have found aya to be much more navigable, in a way gentler, allows you to "find your feet" in both realms and to integrate insights more easily. I always find ceremonial use of aya to be beneficial, even enjoyable. It might be useful to explore this block / negative thought pattern within aya over a number of ceremonies and then explore further with any new insights within the pure dmt space! Peace.

 

[Felnik]

I don't think going with a higher dose is the answer right now .
Get some caapi leaf and either make a changa or smoke a lot of
Caapi before you hit the spice . Go easy and work your way up
Take your time what's the rush right ? It takes time to adjust
To the weirdness . Try to be strong within yourself and just witness
What's happening don't judge or project anything into it .
It's weirder than anything you can imagine so just dig on it .
Also don't take it so seriously , lighten up it can be funny .
It can be a house of mirrors as well and tricky at times you just need to hold
Your ground and deep breathe through it . Don't let it push you around
And try to scare you either and remember that no matter how crazy it gets
You always return to normal this is true.

There are times within the experience to let go and flow. There are also
times when you need to hold steady and be strong like a rock . It takes
Time to learn .

 

[richard_hole]

You sound more or less exactly the same as me when I first started smoking it ha.

As others have said, there are probably other aspects of your life you should try to change or acknowledge before moving on.

That being said, changa is a good way to go. I've found that you can take it more gradually and work with it, you get drunk off it, you play around with it, and before you know it you got mother nature caressing you letting you and showing you all kinds of weird stuff.

But yeah for real don't take anything too seriously. You should try to treat all experiences equally; let them do what they've gotta do, move towards the fear, you might find it's not as scary when you simply go with it.

Meditation is a good starting point. Even just being more mindful of your experience in the present moment will let things come and go with greater ease.

 

[Atlas_]

Hey anonsurfer, there's not much I can add to this conversation othe than to say that you are not alone! What you described is exactly where I am at with this stuff. And I too agree that the smell is unsettling! lol. Try to realize that the whole experience of DMT doesn't entirely have to do with the actual tripping itself. Part of the experience to me, is what I do when I am back here after a trip. How I interpret and integrate it, and how I can learn from it in a positive and constructive way so that I might have a clearer vision of the correct path to take back here in consensual reality. No one knows what it is, but I say follow and trust your intuition with these things. Taking breaks or long periods in between smoalking isn't bad. Integration is key IMO.