SWIM's account of his somewhat accidental full breakthrough with pharma. It was to test to potency of oral vs sublingual, though SWIM was unfamiliar with the graph of dose vs effect, seems (at least to SWIM) that it is exponential, or quadratic or something. I previously tried 120mg sublinguall with harmalas and expected something slightly more with the increase of dose, He's still not sure whether it was the oral route or dose that was the route of his misjudgment,
Nonetheless, here is the account
Pardon the odd spacing, notepad doesn't copy-paste well....
Nonetheless, here is the account
24th feb 2010
oral test for full-spec pharma underway. 160mg harmalas + vinegar mixed with 150mg full spec acetates.
9:27am
I can't believe I've been taking this sublingually and I never taste how wretched it is. It is bitter and nasty and gross and lingery.
9:30am
I already feel like purging...
9:33am
Stomach seems to have settled........ odd.
1:07pm
Well I left this world. I was one, I was eternity, I was infinity, I WAS EVERYHING.
Nothing made sense, nothing worked, nothing would let it pass but TIME.
TIME, TIME, TIME.
Intensity and overflow were taken to a whole new level.
I'd experienced psychedics before. Broke through on Salvia and DMT helped me connect.
BUT NOT, NOTHING NOTHING can compare to a full breakthrough with pharma.
Whether I died or not had no meaning at all.
I just sat there drifting, trying to figure out these 4-5 different experiences. They didn't make sense at all but that was all I had.
As I tried to cling onto something from the "real" world they seemed to just drift off.
I clung on for a long while, It was cycling through these odd dimensions that took up the most of it.
Even when I gave up trying to cling onto visials, Lucky, Aila, Yareni.
It was still intense beyond anything I could imagine.
I remember trying to think like I would be now, I knew that I would be down in an hour or so, I knew what I would be thinking, but that pharma kept holding me.
I thnk I need some pondering into what it all meant, but it was amazing.
lets try and get as much of it down as I can, I am FULL of endorphens and pretty upbeat right now, though signifacantly higher than and sublingual test.
I made my way to the park when it started to get strong, I really expected something similar to 3-4 grams of cubensis shrooms but man it was WAY WAY MORE.
I sat in a swing, it was cool, actually quite cold an damp, I didn't mind at the time.
It was as I looked at that tree, I tried to see it fractalize and I was like "whoa. it's kicking in!" I closed my eyes and had 3 different DMT breakthoughs with 180+ vision and mostly shape, several full-bodied female entities. I was getting pretty cold and damp though.
As I felt the need to return home it was imensely difficult.
I found a tree and tried to purge, there was nothing though, it was however really awkward forcing a purge in the middle of a park, though I was far to forgone, nonetheless i retreated without a purge.
As I looked around everything was stretching, it seemed like I was getting no headway although I assured myself that was impossible.
I was immese how insense jsut walking could be, the OEVs were ALL OVER, everything seen in CEVs on mescaline were seen as OEVS!!!!!!
As I came home I knew that slowing down as sitting would likely make it worse, so I figured since time was so confusing I had to pace it with a tv-episode. I chose a grey-s anatomy episode I had prevously watched.
Although I had the episode I simply could not watch It, I could however acurated predict what everyone would say, haha.
I am so glowing with afterglow it is RIDICULOUS. Much terror at the peak = so happy to be sober (I REALLY REALLY enjoy sober life anyway)
Anyawy I just kept having these crazy chatter that would not stop. But steadily the words just kept from making sense.
Everything was a OEV-tracing mess I closed my eyes and everything was DMT, there wasn't a whole lot of difference of open eyes and closed eyes, As I opened my eyes the visuals would extend, my vision extending beyond 180 degrees, it was CRAZY. The intensity and feeling of impending doom was far to much to enjoy at all. I was wretchly terrified.
as soon as the episode stopped I feared putting on a new episode because of how I couldn't read the screen of my computer like when I put the episode on.
I got up and tried to purge, I got a little out, probably most of it.
I paced around my small room stating "why doesn't anything work, nothing makes sense! Nothing works... nothing WORKS!"
As I sat down in the silence I heared music in my ears immense auditory halucinations that in fact coasted me through the trip, If it wasn't for them I surely would have been MUCH more terrified.
As the words dissapears so did me ego, I knew that i should exist, but there was no way that I felt it.
Even since the moment I entered my house I was rambling "NEVER. NEVER again!"
as this point I pretty much accepted that I had taken the dose I had, there was a lot of visuals and chatter of DMT.
The whole thing did have a salvia-like flavor this may have been since I had only had one breakthough which was a ridiculously high 175mg of 10x. I was craving to have a ridiculous experience and it ripped me apart. I fought the ego-dissolving which ended up in 45 minutes of terror followed by 2 days of fearing the feeling would come back.
Nonetheless as an athlete I have to tendency of needing to be broken down a few pegs before getting to cocky.
Anyway on several psychedelics I had random "flashback" which are not forced but odd abilities to connect with memories that were forgot.
On this breakthough I was remembering a lot of the aspects of it.
Anyway I got locked into this cycle of going through this seemingly meaningless array of I really can't describe them in a better term as "experiences" I think it was really was my ego still trying to hold one, one of them I think was when I re-discovered my tounge.
Now that I think about it... it seems that all of the experiences have a body part attached to it. IT seems that each experience is just a re-discovery of diffrent bodyparts, my connection to reality...
I really knew that on psychedelics you have to "let go" at this dose but I was really un-familiar with the lenght and IMMENSE INTENSITY of this full breakthough. I really was scared I might never return. It was really long so I never did.
The reason for this trip I believe I forgot to mention was a test of comparison between sublingual pharma and oral pharma.
I was not familiar with the seemingly exponetial growth of intensity. I still think though that sublingual is almost equal, possibly a bit less that the oral, nonetheless I KNOW my next test will be sublingual, the "sickly" feeling could have been done withough.
Anyway, back to the trip ,forgive me I am still very high, like the afterglow after smoking dmt but it just keeps on going!
Anyway the trip cycled through vast arrays of nonesense, at several moments chatter consisted of things like this
"I am one, am I one, how do you know, what it infinity.... If I am one, is everyone one. OH MY GOD THIS IS INTESE, UGGGGGGHHHHHH. *relaxes*
Whoa it's still going.... why do these words make no sense, ego.... ego loss, Is my ego lost? Oh... there is my nose. "
Although i never had any success in forcing open-eyed halucination, I've never gotten that kind of stuff anyway, there was nothing i could not visualize with closed eyes, though still open or closed eyes were just a cycling between these "experiences"
Yep, that kind of stuff went on for at least an hour, maybe 2, it fell longer than anything ever imagine....
Slow, VERY slowly it started to slow, it was all feeling I felt that I needed the same movie that I watched on a very intense accidental sub-breakthough with pharma. Ratatoille. Although my high was still very intense I felt my ego taking hold and the afterglow was making me smile.
About 20 minute into the film I felt the NEED to write. as i started though I was shaken trying to remember so I opened my roomies door, he didn't know because I didn't think I would be 1/4 as high as I was.
I walked in and I said.... "I... I need a hug!"
He very confusingly (since I am not a big guy-hugger) was like, "OH BUDDY!"
I just took a breath and told him "pharma is ROUGH, pharma is FUCKING ROUGH" I tried to reccount a bit but we agreed (he's a tripper too) that I should right it because I was positively in the correct state to do so. (he may have been looking at porn... lol. Maybe that was the odd respone I got.)
Anyway I sat down an wrote all this shit. I hope somebody reads all of it and maybe learns a bit about other's experiences and maybe it convinces some people to better measure their doses
Cheers, love and one-ness to all!
Pardon the odd spacing, notepad doesn't copy-paste well....
