So here's a 6-7 month old trip from earlier in the year. I don't post a lot of trip reports but I figure this could be a nice exercise to work towards some growth and reintegrate from the summer.
Some background. I was working with low doses of mushrooms and some day hikes in a big park. The mushrooms were Psilocybe Ovoideocystidiata locally harvested. I decided to drink the tea at home this day.
The dosage was weighed, it was ~0.4g(if memory serves). This is a small dose, generally only providing mood-lift and perhaps some mild CEV's, and the cognitive space. Was expecting to relax to some music and talk on-line with some friends. Tea was brewed for about a half an hour, then chilled with ice-cubes, honey was added. Drank cold over the course of maybe 30 minutes.
Effects took hold, some basic head sensations and the classical tryptamine grin. A cigarette sounded delightful, so one was smoked. About 2/3 the way through this cigarette my awareness of breathe was massive. I would take a large inhale then on the exhale close my eyes. On exhaling I realized that my mind was sort of tunneling outwards into a different visual field. A mind's eye visual field.
I was witnessing a little version or avatar of myself fly out of my mouth. This version had wings, a characteristic I often find of myself in an 'astral' plane type vision. Quickly the ideas of getting comfortable came to mind, so I headed back to my bedroom and laid down with a talking heads album playing on repeat.
After laying down I realized I was surprisingly in for a bit of a ride. Pleasant surprise it is to trip harder then anticipated and have no distractions or worries or even any solid intentions, so the eyes were closed and the visions came right along.
In a blue-ish white 'haze' with a slightly bright and punchy ultra sharply lit and realistic view, I had become only an observer. As an observer I was sitting beneath a mushroom near tall-grass. A human came by, myself, and a big hand scooped it up. I felt as though I was the mushroom and not so much the person in this vision. "I" was a small mushroom.
Then I was a human body laying in the tall-grass right next to where the mushroom had been picked. I was the human again. The perspective was looking down at the feet and abruptly snakes ripped open the chest. Flying and biting in mid-air from the chest and out. At this moment I knew I had died.
The death was calm, no pain was associated with this body. The awareness of this body was not dead, only the body was. Like a strong whack on the head rings a bell, I began to hear voices. They were commenting on how unsightly the scene was. How gruesome the death was, but the awareness held no bias. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't even second nature, it was first nature. Gentle feminine eyes and asian floating faces would come in and look and comment or just float on by uninterested. Then one feminine voice said something along the lines of "Don't you see how special you are, no one else dies like this not this soft, not like this". It was a voice of seemingly pure kindness, as if a great gift was given along with it.
Then a collaboration of thoughts or voices, or thought-voices; but more like facts that are intuited not quiet audible but rather a consciousness or awareness accompaniment came to a conclusion that was along the lines of "well aren't we going to pull him out?"
The awareness of the body was gone and the voices were essentially gone as well. Either I had blinked or a flash of light had sputtered a change of scenery. An arm of this body was pulled out from the ground like a flower growing into a new life. This new awareness realized it was in a 'garden of light'. The look wasn't so much of a groomed soil filled garden it was of a beautiful forest floor.
I realized I was in a lucid state in this vision and felt some loneliness. It was as if a separation had occurred between myself and the rest of the natural world. All of my friends and acquaintances were on the other side of this garden. The body went and pulled a friend up from the ground, she was infantile and unappealing. She wasn't meant for this place so she was put back into the ground. Then the normal mind had taken it's place again.
My eyes were open I remember typing to Mattimus online something to the tune of "It's so beautiful! So many souls" or something of that nature.
I had closed my eyes again to go back in. The strong loss of self and transferring of awareness had grown more shallow. Instead I was observing myself(winged again) flying with David Byrne(lead singer of talking heads) fly through the blue-white sound-scapes of the music. It felt as if he spoke directly too me, our conversation wasn't all that important. It was just an existence of pure inner bliss. Completely consumed and appeased with these visions and sounds of the music, I knew this was the most comfortable and possibly the most beautiful in it's subtlety experience I have ever had.
The ego-death may not have been classical ego-death. Although it's layering and wholeness was supremely satisfying, and the re-birth connotations were definitely present. Definitely not skull ripped open by aliens and having sex with the elves material much more human.
I believe this was the last time I took an entheogen. I do plan too, but there's a lot of life to live on the other-side right now. Hopefully someone get's a kick out of this, I know I did.
Some background. I was working with low doses of mushrooms and some day hikes in a big park. The mushrooms were Psilocybe Ovoideocystidiata locally harvested. I decided to drink the tea at home this day.
The dosage was weighed, it was ~0.4g(if memory serves). This is a small dose, generally only providing mood-lift and perhaps some mild CEV's, and the cognitive space. Was expecting to relax to some music and talk on-line with some friends. Tea was brewed for about a half an hour, then chilled with ice-cubes, honey was added. Drank cold over the course of maybe 30 minutes.
Effects took hold, some basic head sensations and the classical tryptamine grin. A cigarette sounded delightful, so one was smoked. About 2/3 the way through this cigarette my awareness of breathe was massive. I would take a large inhale then on the exhale close my eyes. On exhaling I realized that my mind was sort of tunneling outwards into a different visual field. A mind's eye visual field.
I was witnessing a little version or avatar of myself fly out of my mouth. This version had wings, a characteristic I often find of myself in an 'astral' plane type vision. Quickly the ideas of getting comfortable came to mind, so I headed back to my bedroom and laid down with a talking heads album playing on repeat.
After laying down I realized I was surprisingly in for a bit of a ride. Pleasant surprise it is to trip harder then anticipated and have no distractions or worries or even any solid intentions, so the eyes were closed and the visions came right along.
In a blue-ish white 'haze' with a slightly bright and punchy ultra sharply lit and realistic view, I had become only an observer. As an observer I was sitting beneath a mushroom near tall-grass. A human came by, myself, and a big hand scooped it up. I felt as though I was the mushroom and not so much the person in this vision. "I" was a small mushroom.
Then I was a human body laying in the tall-grass right next to where the mushroom had been picked. I was the human again. The perspective was looking down at the feet and abruptly snakes ripped open the chest. Flying and biting in mid-air from the chest and out. At this moment I knew I had died.
The death was calm, no pain was associated with this body. The awareness of this body was not dead, only the body was. Like a strong whack on the head rings a bell, I began to hear voices. They were commenting on how unsightly the scene was. How gruesome the death was, but the awareness held no bias. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't even second nature, it was first nature. Gentle feminine eyes and asian floating faces would come in and look and comment or just float on by uninterested. Then one feminine voice said something along the lines of "Don't you see how special you are, no one else dies like this not this soft, not like this". It was a voice of seemingly pure kindness, as if a great gift was given along with it.
Then a collaboration of thoughts or voices, or thought-voices; but more like facts that are intuited not quiet audible but rather a consciousness or awareness accompaniment came to a conclusion that was along the lines of "well aren't we going to pull him out?"
The awareness of the body was gone and the voices were essentially gone as well. Either I had blinked or a flash of light had sputtered a change of scenery. An arm of this body was pulled out from the ground like a flower growing into a new life. This new awareness realized it was in a 'garden of light'. The look wasn't so much of a groomed soil filled garden it was of a beautiful forest floor.
I realized I was in a lucid state in this vision and felt some loneliness. It was as if a separation had occurred between myself and the rest of the natural world. All of my friends and acquaintances were on the other side of this garden. The body went and pulled a friend up from the ground, she was infantile and unappealing. She wasn't meant for this place so she was put back into the ground. Then the normal mind had taken it's place again.
My eyes were open I remember typing to Mattimus online something to the tune of "It's so beautiful! So many souls" or something of that nature.
I had closed my eyes again to go back in. The strong loss of self and transferring of awareness had grown more shallow. Instead I was observing myself(winged again) flying with David Byrne(lead singer of talking heads) fly through the blue-white sound-scapes of the music. It felt as if he spoke directly too me, our conversation wasn't all that important. It was just an existence of pure inner bliss. Completely consumed and appeased with these visions and sounds of the music, I knew this was the most comfortable and possibly the most beautiful in it's subtlety experience I have ever had.
The ego-death may not have been classical ego-death. Although it's layering and wholeness was supremely satisfying, and the re-birth connotations were definitely present. Definitely not skull ripped open by aliens and having sex with the elves material much more human.
I believe this was the last time I took an entheogen. I do plan too, but there's a lot of life to live on the other-side right now. Hopefully someone get's a kick out of this, I know I did.
