I had dreams of happily making some progress tonight, so I thought I would share. 8)
I was getting slightly frustrated with my lack of being able to make sense of the experiences, blacking out, losing the inner dialogue, having intense visions but with no aim or structure...
So, I prayed for guidance, after Aya let me out of class, and fired up The Vase of Souls with Sexy Changa (rosebuds... are... DELICIOUS!!!).
The first time, I hit the same wall again: geometry. Geometry is like a swirling event horizon. I was getting stuck in the geometry. No direction, just consciousness ripped around at the non-mercy of cosmic winds.
Came down... amazed how long the visions linger. Sometimes, when they seem to be gone, a thought pops up in the mind that triggers all kinds of slippy, slimey, oozy presences.
Lit the rose quartz candle for love: light was the missing element. When mind and body were in agreement, I took the first second launch ever. :shock:
Multiple launches are TOTALLY what I was missing!! I was in the space of geometry again, but had enough rocket power to go beyond it.
A flood of GREAT WHITE LIGHT fanned out and blinded me. Inside the light was a very (apologies) ugly, rugged, jagged, fierce, pre-planetary, extraterrestrial spider-like insectoid entity, parked beneath some mysterious terrain of sharp, blue, glowing space rocks. I didn't see his eyes, or his body; but he knew I was there, and there was a mutual awareness of each other.
(My Ayahuasca visions are so much more colorful, glowing, cute fuzzy mice with big eyes scuttering through fields of beautiful, twisting flowers.)
I dropped back to the Earth plane, but consciousness was expanded beyond my body. I saw my body from above, and heard the vibration of my breath. Buzzing through a miscalibrated sack of water, basically. I felt all the flaws, quirks, and imperfections in my body as a machine; I felt its fragility, and thought, "Wow! I inhabit this doomed imperfection that fights with such determination to live and perceive clearly." It felt something like watching a really old car putter down the street; the very act of taking a body rigged The Equation against me from the start, at least in a quest to perceive clearly. Eventually the observer was reunited with somatic consciousness. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE and CHERISH and am SO GRATEFUL for my body; but my awareness detected just how many flaws I am full of, really.)
Anyway, I could have gone for a third launch, but decided to end things tonight on the note of a "good first date." Once I am comfortable with the depth of second launches, I can move beyond--there is no point getting in over my head and scaring myself stupid. So far, all the fear I really experience comes before I smoke; smoking with deep breaths and staying calm seems to set the tone for the whole experience.
So far, so far, anyway.
Edit: The two experiences combined were probably ~30mgs of jungle... pretty strong! :shock:
I was getting slightly frustrated with my lack of being able to make sense of the experiences, blacking out, losing the inner dialogue, having intense visions but with no aim or structure...
So, I prayed for guidance, after Aya let me out of class, and fired up The Vase of Souls with Sexy Changa (rosebuds... are... DELICIOUS!!!).
The first time, I hit the same wall again: geometry. Geometry is like a swirling event horizon. I was getting stuck in the geometry. No direction, just consciousness ripped around at the non-mercy of cosmic winds.
Came down... amazed how long the visions linger. Sometimes, when they seem to be gone, a thought pops up in the mind that triggers all kinds of slippy, slimey, oozy presences.
Lit the rose quartz candle for love: light was the missing element. When mind and body were in agreement, I took the first second launch ever. :shock:
Multiple launches are TOTALLY what I was missing!! I was in the space of geometry again, but had enough rocket power to go beyond it.
A flood of GREAT WHITE LIGHT fanned out and blinded me. Inside the light was a very (apologies) ugly, rugged, jagged, fierce, pre-planetary, extraterrestrial spider-like insectoid entity, parked beneath some mysterious terrain of sharp, blue, glowing space rocks. I didn't see his eyes, or his body; but he knew I was there, and there was a mutual awareness of each other.
(My Ayahuasca visions are so much more colorful, glowing, cute fuzzy mice with big eyes scuttering through fields of beautiful, twisting flowers.)
I dropped back to the Earth plane, but consciousness was expanded beyond my body. I saw my body from above, and heard the vibration of my breath. Buzzing through a miscalibrated sack of water, basically. I felt all the flaws, quirks, and imperfections in my body as a machine; I felt its fragility, and thought, "Wow! I inhabit this doomed imperfection that fights with such determination to live and perceive clearly." It felt something like watching a really old car putter down the street; the very act of taking a body rigged The Equation against me from the start, at least in a quest to perceive clearly. Eventually the observer was reunited with somatic consciousness. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE and CHERISH and am SO GRATEFUL for my body; but my awareness detected just how many flaws I am full of, really.)
Anyway, I could have gone for a third launch, but decided to end things tonight on the note of a "good first date." Once I am comfortable with the depth of second launches, I can move beyond--there is no point getting in over my head and scaring myself stupid. So far, all the fear I really experience comes before I smoke; smoking with deep breaths and staying calm seems to set the tone for the whole experience.
So far, so far, anyway.
Edit: The two experiences combined were probably ~30mgs of jungle... pretty strong! :shock:
