Shiva H. Vishnu
Rising Star
i have been interested in altered states for as long as i can remember. being raised in a christian cult/commune, where people would fall into trances and speak in tongues, the idea of ecstatic experience has been in my hard drive for the duration of my life.
unfortunately, the environment in which i was raised was quite "spiritually" abusive. i'll mercifully spare you the details. in any case, the programming i received as a child led me to join a christian cult in my early adulthood. the narrow box of christianity was what seemed comfortable to me when i decided to begin seeking the eternal in earnest. this experience proved unsatisfying, and ultimately embittering.
many years of reading and rational contemplation "cured" me of my religion, and i slowly became an atheist. but the last 2-3 years (i'm 37) i have had several experiences on large doses of mushrooms that have caused me to re-examine some cases i had thought were closed for me. i felt the tickle of the divine, and the eternal oneness, and i began to truly wonder, again, for the first time, about the unfathomable mystery that is existence.
mushrooms tickled me.
three days ago dmt changed my life.
i had been reading for years about dmt and other tryptamines/phenethylamines, my only experience being with lsd/psilocyben/mdma/mda/salvia(the last of which i didn't find beneficial and perhaps was not ready for at the time). of all the chems i read about, dmt was the one that most intrigued me, but i had never had the opportunity to buy it, and was too lazy/complacent/preoccupied to extract it myself.
last wednesday my girlfriend called me at work to tell me she had found some and i nearly shit myself with glee. i couldn't wait to get home and when i did i discovered that she had bought 200mg of light amber/yellow solid chrystals, which were sitting in a bag on the table, almost beckoning to me. i had had a long night at work, and i wasn't in the proper headspace, giddy though i was, so i decided to wait until the next day, my day off, to experiment.
when my gf got home from work the next day i had so prepared myself for the experience all day that i was practically chomping at the bit to go, but i forced myself to relax, carefully crushed the chrystals into little chunks, and divided the substance into four approximately equal piles. i have no scale, and can only take the guy's word for the actual weight of the dmt, but i estimated that each pile was between 45-55 mg dmt (not taking into account the obvious impurities betrayed by the color of the chrystals), and i loaded up the first bowl for my gf.
she took 3 solid hits and seemed to vaporise every bit of the chrystals, and she had a nice cev trip with patterns and such, but no beakthrough. about 3 or 4 mins into her trip when i saw she wasn't quite where i wanted to go, i loaded up my bowl with the same dose i had given her, intrepid, but respectful of the power of the drug, and knowing my smoking technique will probably allow me to smoke more, faster and more efficiently.
i was right. on the 3rd hit i remember saying "baby, wherever it is, i'm going there" and my skin flushed and the room seemed to fill with smoke and then WHAM! I am sitting in a room with a distinctly egyptian/alien theme, where everything in the room is made of differently sized, pulsing, incandescent gold/brilliant yellow bricks, each brick decorated with bright red alien like heiroglyphics that are morphing before my very eyes. there were several sounds. one a constant drone of indeterminate pitch. another a song that sounded alternately like digital bleeps and articulated words. the last was the deep pulsing sound from the throbbing golden bricks that made up the room. this sound felt like the sound of a planet's engine or perhaps the sound of the sun. it seemed to vibrate me and everything else i was seeing.
i felt two distinct presences in the room with me. both were female and were on either side of me. the one on my left side stayed only on the furthest edge of my periphery, the one on my right would extend herself into my field of vision only in order to gesture for me to look at what i was being shown. i also felt a great love and acceptance from this entity. i know there was more to what i was shown than the egyptian room, but from this journey that's the only visual i can really describe.
when i came out of the heaviest part i was laughing and weeping at the same time. i just could.not.believe what had just happened to me. as it slowly faded and i reeled internally with bliss at finally having seen some proof of what i had suspected for awhile, and to see that it was so much more than i could have ever expected, all i could think about was that i wanted my gf to have the same experience, so i loaded up about 80 mgs and let her go again. again she only went to the first level, with geometric patterns and such. i smoked the last 15-20 mgs and had slight visuals, but i wasn't disappointed. nothing could shake me from the bliss of what i had just seen.
still, i wanted my gf to have this experience so badly, so we called our guy and he brought us another 10th. again i loaded about 80% of the yellow chrystals into the bowl, but this time was very careful to keep encouraging her to take the biggest hits possible, hold them, then continue even after the effects begin to make you want to put the bowl down. she took several hits and handed me the bowl. again she closed her eyes and again she only had a mild level 1.
4-5 minutes after she's smoked, and i see she's still in the room, no hyperspace for her, slightly disappointed, i loaded up the last -15-20 mgs in the bowl and decided to smoke it, even if it would only take me so far. maybe there was a lot of residual dmt in the bowl (i didn't change the substrate, just added more dmt to the top of the ash and gunk). maybe i'm just better at getting huge concentrated hits. in any case, this meager little trifle blasted me even further than my first dose.
i remember wondering why my gf didn't seem to be having the same level of experince i did, just before i hit the bowl.
i took three massive hits, during the third i could already tell it was gonna be big and i said "holy shit, i'm going there again", and a voice said to me "it's different for everyone". then the world split in 2 and it was 2 voices, then 4 then 8 exponentially until i felt as though every voice of every human that ever lived was gently telling me "it's different for everyone".
instantly i was blasted into a realm of blue green fractal fire and writhing coils of energy on 2 dimensional pannels spinning in 3 dimensional space. and again there was a strong female entity on my right side. this time she was more bold, and more clearly defined, seemingly made of liquid blue fire flowing behind her and pure love emanating from her. i could see she was gesturing again for me to behold what was in front of me, and this time, almost insistantly she swooped down closely beside me, almost touching and gestured out in front of me with her hand just inches from my face, and as i shifted my gaze from her hand to the vista, i saw something that i will never be able to describe. i reached out my hand into the sea of bliss and it split open exposing a dark chasm with an even deeper mystery swirling in the distance, but i was not allowed to go any further.
again, when the world resolved i found myself weeping, sobbing with joy. my gf was sitting at my feet, stroking my leg.
these days i'm not a fan of faith. i need evidence. a few days ago i was given a precious gift from something i'm not even going to pretend to understand. i no longer have any need for faith. i know all will be well. i know this is just the beginning. and while i still strongly disbelieve in the world's religions and their gods, i know there is an intelligent force in this universe other than the life we know. i am positively elated at the prospect of delving a little further to see what more i can gain from this.
again, and at long last, my mind is open to the infinite.
i could not be more grateful.
namaste, fellow travellers.
unfortunately, the environment in which i was raised was quite "spiritually" abusive. i'll mercifully spare you the details. in any case, the programming i received as a child led me to join a christian cult in my early adulthood. the narrow box of christianity was what seemed comfortable to me when i decided to begin seeking the eternal in earnest. this experience proved unsatisfying, and ultimately embittering.
many years of reading and rational contemplation "cured" me of my religion, and i slowly became an atheist. but the last 2-3 years (i'm 37) i have had several experiences on large doses of mushrooms that have caused me to re-examine some cases i had thought were closed for me. i felt the tickle of the divine, and the eternal oneness, and i began to truly wonder, again, for the first time, about the unfathomable mystery that is existence.
mushrooms tickled me.
three days ago dmt changed my life.
i had been reading for years about dmt and other tryptamines/phenethylamines, my only experience being with lsd/psilocyben/mdma/mda/salvia(the last of which i didn't find beneficial and perhaps was not ready for at the time). of all the chems i read about, dmt was the one that most intrigued me, but i had never had the opportunity to buy it, and was too lazy/complacent/preoccupied to extract it myself.
last wednesday my girlfriend called me at work to tell me she had found some and i nearly shit myself with glee. i couldn't wait to get home and when i did i discovered that she had bought 200mg of light amber/yellow solid chrystals, which were sitting in a bag on the table, almost beckoning to me. i had had a long night at work, and i wasn't in the proper headspace, giddy though i was, so i decided to wait until the next day, my day off, to experiment.
when my gf got home from work the next day i had so prepared myself for the experience all day that i was practically chomping at the bit to go, but i forced myself to relax, carefully crushed the chrystals into little chunks, and divided the substance into four approximately equal piles. i have no scale, and can only take the guy's word for the actual weight of the dmt, but i estimated that each pile was between 45-55 mg dmt (not taking into account the obvious impurities betrayed by the color of the chrystals), and i loaded up the first bowl for my gf.
she took 3 solid hits and seemed to vaporise every bit of the chrystals, and she had a nice cev trip with patterns and such, but no beakthrough. about 3 or 4 mins into her trip when i saw she wasn't quite where i wanted to go, i loaded up my bowl with the same dose i had given her, intrepid, but respectful of the power of the drug, and knowing my smoking technique will probably allow me to smoke more, faster and more efficiently.
i was right. on the 3rd hit i remember saying "baby, wherever it is, i'm going there" and my skin flushed and the room seemed to fill with smoke and then WHAM! I am sitting in a room with a distinctly egyptian/alien theme, where everything in the room is made of differently sized, pulsing, incandescent gold/brilliant yellow bricks, each brick decorated with bright red alien like heiroglyphics that are morphing before my very eyes. there were several sounds. one a constant drone of indeterminate pitch. another a song that sounded alternately like digital bleeps and articulated words. the last was the deep pulsing sound from the throbbing golden bricks that made up the room. this sound felt like the sound of a planet's engine or perhaps the sound of the sun. it seemed to vibrate me and everything else i was seeing.
i felt two distinct presences in the room with me. both were female and were on either side of me. the one on my left side stayed only on the furthest edge of my periphery, the one on my right would extend herself into my field of vision only in order to gesture for me to look at what i was being shown. i also felt a great love and acceptance from this entity. i know there was more to what i was shown than the egyptian room, but from this journey that's the only visual i can really describe.
when i came out of the heaviest part i was laughing and weeping at the same time. i just could.not.believe what had just happened to me. as it slowly faded and i reeled internally with bliss at finally having seen some proof of what i had suspected for awhile, and to see that it was so much more than i could have ever expected, all i could think about was that i wanted my gf to have the same experience, so i loaded up about 80 mgs and let her go again. again she only went to the first level, with geometric patterns and such. i smoked the last 15-20 mgs and had slight visuals, but i wasn't disappointed. nothing could shake me from the bliss of what i had just seen.
still, i wanted my gf to have this experience so badly, so we called our guy and he brought us another 10th. again i loaded about 80% of the yellow chrystals into the bowl, but this time was very careful to keep encouraging her to take the biggest hits possible, hold them, then continue even after the effects begin to make you want to put the bowl down. she took several hits and handed me the bowl. again she closed her eyes and again she only had a mild level 1.
4-5 minutes after she's smoked, and i see she's still in the room, no hyperspace for her, slightly disappointed, i loaded up the last -15-20 mgs in the bowl and decided to smoke it, even if it would only take me so far. maybe there was a lot of residual dmt in the bowl (i didn't change the substrate, just added more dmt to the top of the ash and gunk). maybe i'm just better at getting huge concentrated hits. in any case, this meager little trifle blasted me even further than my first dose.
i remember wondering why my gf didn't seem to be having the same level of experince i did, just before i hit the bowl.
i took three massive hits, during the third i could already tell it was gonna be big and i said "holy shit, i'm going there again", and a voice said to me "it's different for everyone". then the world split in 2 and it was 2 voices, then 4 then 8 exponentially until i felt as though every voice of every human that ever lived was gently telling me "it's different for everyone".
instantly i was blasted into a realm of blue green fractal fire and writhing coils of energy on 2 dimensional pannels spinning in 3 dimensional space. and again there was a strong female entity on my right side. this time she was more bold, and more clearly defined, seemingly made of liquid blue fire flowing behind her and pure love emanating from her. i could see she was gesturing again for me to behold what was in front of me, and this time, almost insistantly she swooped down closely beside me, almost touching and gestured out in front of me with her hand just inches from my face, and as i shifted my gaze from her hand to the vista, i saw something that i will never be able to describe. i reached out my hand into the sea of bliss and it split open exposing a dark chasm with an even deeper mystery swirling in the distance, but i was not allowed to go any further.
again, when the world resolved i found myself weeping, sobbing with joy. my gf was sitting at my feet, stroking my leg.
these days i'm not a fan of faith. i need evidence. a few days ago i was given a precious gift from something i'm not even going to pretend to understand. i no longer have any need for faith. i know all will be well. i know this is just the beginning. and while i still strongly disbelieve in the world's religions and their gods, i know there is an intelligent force in this universe other than the life we know. i am positively elated at the prospect of delving a little further to see what more i can gain from this.
again, and at long last, my mind is open to the infinite.
i could not be more grateful.
namaste, fellow travellers.
No faith, no religion, by definition, can offer you that and I believe you have stumbled upon the one thing that can. If you plan on continuing, I strongly encourage you to start extracting your own. It's really not that complicated, and beyond the clear ethics of not supporting a corrupt and damaging underground industry, extracting spice makes the experience more intimate and much more personal (and safe, given that you know what went in and what comes out...!)
