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Golden Teacher 4.2g goes badly...

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PsiLulu

PsiLulu

Rising Star
Hi guys!

I recently had a bad experience with my GTs and I wanted to give you an insight into it. I analyzed a lot of this trip so the report is lenghty, sorry for that.

If you have the courage to read until the end and give me your opinion, I will be very grateful.

Preparation of the trip:
- Setting: comfortable bed, warm blanket, night darkness (some light peeking through a roof window), one big mirror in my room I didn’t cover, cold day
- I had my headphones handy cause I supposed at some point I would put some music on
- Shrooms: 4.2g dry Golden Teacher shrooms sitting in my freezer since about one month. In the mix there was a “yellow” shroom that had aborted in my box just before the veil cracked but I harvested it after days, it had become all dry and yellow (see pictures in my post)
- Set: I was in a super bright mood after a great day outside, excited to trip and absolutely certain that it would be a great one!
- I set my intentions on interactions with entities (or “souls”) and a link with meditation that I just recently started to use

Ingestion:
- Ate the shrooms all together, first trying to meditate on the taste and take them “pure” but after a few swallows, I could not bear the taste and added some chocolate + water. It was around 19h30. The taste was very bad and nearly made me nauseous
- Went to bathroom as usual after taking shrooms
- Meditated for 20min, using a chanting bowl, setting my intent towards meeting entities and learning where I could go from there
- I tried to use a meditation technique for compassion development: focusing the meditation on a person you don’t like, breathe all the negative vibes in and breathe all the love and positive feelings out towards the subject of the meditation
- At that point, I felt a weird vibe already, like a gloomy veil coming in the room
- Watched Youtube crap for a few minutes and around 20h10 the shroom started its thing

First waves:
- Nice psychedelic visuals, more intense than older shrooms
- Lots of DMT-like visuals
- Carnival atmosphere but much noisier than usual
- Several small scenes with people discussing in different settings, but always back to the noisy caravan of small entities
- The small entities acted a bit rough
- I had a few short flashes of dark scary spiky entities coming to me and trying to divert my thoughts to negative/gory stuff but I declined. They backed off but I could feel them telling me “we will see you later anyway” like a foreshadowing
- I had a flash with a man dressed like an explorer with a huge hood where I could not see his face and I could feel sheer terror and absolute loneliness coming from him. He spooked me somehow and then disappeared
- After a few waves like that, I said “ok now I had enough noise, I would like to go in a calm place and talk about deeper things (as it usually happens in a trip) but the shroom answered “hey but they are here for you, that’s what you asked for! Will you abandon them like this?”
- After thinking for a while, I decided to stay since I did not want to turn my back on anyone. It would feel like me saying “you’re not worthy of my time” and I wanted to treat every entity equally, following my readings about compassion. I think that’s where I messed up…

Gate into the dark:
- The wave after that, I had psychedelic visuals - mandala-like - but I could see small black tentacles going through the shape everywhere. It was not aggressive so I thought “well that’s odd… but hey, I will just ignore it and move on to the next step of the trip”
- And then it started: the next wave, I felt a huge presence that tried to crush me under fear and despair. I tried the usual things to manage myself:
- First refuse the interaction and turn my back on it, but it would come back immediately
- I tried to radiate love and positive feelings towards it but I could feel that I had no light left, inside of me was like a dead lightbulb
- I tried thinking positive and hopeful ideas, but the entity would immediately turn them into horrible dark stuff
- I had the feeling that whatever I would do, it was just toying with me and immensely more powerful than me. I could just do nothing
- I heard two messages from the shroom around that point:
- First one was: “if you have big problems, it’s because you perceive them as big. The truth is, they are never that big”.
- Second one was: “you tried too much for your level”, I assume it referred to the meditation I did where I inhaled all the bad stuff around me
- I tried to change my perspective in order to use the first message but it just didn’t work
- The entity was trying to push me into a fetal position but I resisted this strongly since I remembered my past experiences and knew that fetal position can generate lots of anxiety and bad stuff. I remained on my back
- The entity said to me “put some music on, I promise I will calm down”
- I hesitated a lot but in the end it was becoming unbearable so I put my headset on and played some minimal techno as usual (which worked great in my other trips).
- All the sounds sounded off, the bass was making it stronger, the leads were making it stronger… at some point I understood that it had tricked me and just threw the headset away

And shit hits the fan…
- Now I had several dark visuals looping in every wave:
- A swarm of insects skittering around and a huge entity in the shape of a spider on top of them looking at me like a prey
- A demonic DJ reminding me of the gloomy sounds I had just experienced in my headset
- A dry dead body-like visuals of a yellow shroom (“the” yellow shroom I ate??) and dry dead hands digging into my plexus
- Goopy and disgusting visuals that tried to make me throw up
- Other subtle things I don’t remember, including some feeling being underwater in the dark
- At some point I asked “why is this happening? I had a super spirit going into this, what are you doing here??” the answer was very clear “well YOU invited us, we came…”
- I resisted throwing up for several waves but the more I was resisting, the stronger the despair
- At a point, I realized that maybe throwing up would improve the situation and I spent the next 20 minutes on my toilet puking. I didn’t puke much. Some tiny mushroom bits, that’s it.
- New visuals of me in an ambulance and thoughts of “shit I ate some bad shroom, I will probably die of poisoning, I should call the hospital”. I resisted that since I figured out that I was on shrooms and it would soon be over and it was highly likely that anything would happen to me besides throwing up and feeling bad for a few hours
- Again I had tons of visuals with the “yellow” shroom
- This was the peek of despair and I never felt that bad in my life before. I really thought that there was no hope left for me

The light at the end of the tunnel:
- After a while, I gathered enough strength to get back to my bed and drink a bit
- I tried to completely close myself off from the entity but it didn’t work.
- I then managed to convince myself that the trip was going to end soon (it was around 23h)
- Anyway, somehow, I felt a little better and was able to scan through what had happened during the trip to see if I could understand something.
- That’s when it dawned on me: it was not one huge and impossibly strong entity, but rather it was several dark dudes. It was pretty clear since the different visuals were very unique. From that point, I could identify many of them:
- The man in the explorer hood
- The spider
- The demonic DJ
- A kind of goopy slime that hid in the disgusting visuals
- Two noisy children running around a huge manor (and probably a third one hiding from his siblings - but did not see him/her)
- A non visual entity that would transform my positive thoughts into dark stuff
- The dry dead entity that was clearly attached to the yellow shroom (but was it the shroom or was it something dark attached to it??)
- Other that I was not able to single out
- Still one very strong one that evaded my investigations
- After that, I decided to take them one by one and manage them separately and it worked like a charm:
- The man in the hood: I reassured him, told him he was not alone, I was here with him. He went to sleep
- The demonic DJ: I complimented him on his music and told him that now I had enough beats. He went away
- The children: I sensed a huge lack of parental love and gave them whatever I was able to, which calmed them as well
- The goopy slime: I told him that he was not as ugly as he thought he was
- The dry entity: I apologized for abandoning the shroom that long in the shoebox
- I was not able to manage the spider but the trip was going weaker at that point and it just faded out on its own
- After I did this, I saw the extent of the actual problem I was facing and, visually, it was really like small black insects - echoing the first message from the shroom
- I rested for some time, thinking about what had happened, then fell asleep until next day

The aftermath
- Surprisingly, I managed to keep my hydration high and I nearly did not have any headache after the trip
- I had felt despair like I never felt and, in retrospective, it was an amazing experience that I greatly value and that taught me a crap ton of things
- My analysis of this whole sequence is:
- The yellow shroom has definitely something to do with what happened even though before eating it I smelled it and checked it closely and I could not see anything wrong with it besides its color
- Then, when I meditated, since I am very inexperienced, it drew some more negative entities to me
- They attacked me in the very beginning of the trip without me noticing and I did not understand the real extent of what was going on until way too late in the trip
- I asked the shroom to meet entities, he complied, but the negative entities took the opportunity to bring even more friends with them
- The mix was so strong that I mistook it for a single super strong dark entity

One question remains for me: what is this yellow mushroom? Is it actually bad or is it just the subconscious fear of it being bad that started this whole thing?

Any of you guys had an experience with such shrooms (see in the attached image, on the right side, another "yellow" shroom on its top half. On the left side, a normal dried shroom)?

Thanks for reading!
 

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Well, you entered a state of heightened suggestibility and it worked according to the preparations that you made. "Bad"/challenging/unsettling trips are always a possibility. Understanding these depths of despair through directly experiencing them will only increase your compassion, wouldn't you say? 😉

One question remains for me: what is this yellow mushroom? Is it actually bad or is it just the subconscious fear of it being bad that started this whole thing?
Click to expand...
Another possibility is that it looked sufficiently distinctive that, in your struggle to understand this unexpectedly dark trip, it was a 'logical' choice to cast your suspicions upon after the fact.


And I wouldn't get too hung up on the veracity, or otherwise, of the 'entities'. They are phenomena of the mind. As a hopefully instructive tangent, I once manifested a giant teacup; ergo - be careful what you wish for.
 
You and I had a similar experience this week (mine was on Wednesday, but more on that in a bit).

As for that yellow mushroom, the yellowing may be metabolites from fighting off some kind of contamination.

Also, both of those shrooms are more potent because the veil never broke. I tend to pick mine early for this reason.

I never deny whether some of what we encounter is external to us as beings, but I am wondering if the entities you came across were manifestations of different facets and aspects of the prism of your own mind.

The little thoughts that often occur prior to a journey (often the ones of a more negative or worrying nature) can crop back up in a more intense manner later on. I don't find it uncommon.

I am also wondering if you felt some effects from the fact that your mushrooms have been in the freezer. I can't find the thread but there was one talking about it not being the best option to store them in the freezer (there's an itchy feeling though that the effect was a loss of potency).

Where you and I have some parallels is in the realm of meditation. That's when my journey Wednesday got rough, but like yours, well worth it and therapeutic. For me it revolved around a traumatic situation last summer that I clearly needed further processing and healing from. My strategy when things get rough is to "just be." Let go of trying to guide and control anything that may be seen or experienced. A great deal is garnered from such an act. Granted, I have some pretty clear and well-established masochistic tendencies, so that could also be a factor as to why this works well for me. And it takes practice. Definitely a lot of despair, sadness, gloom, and melancholy. Mushrooms are nuts, but I love them nonetheless.

In some circles, the compassion meditation you attempted could be equated to what's called shadow-work. An example would be envisioning an individual you do not like, does not get along with, has been offended by, etc and try to see how you may have contributed to the current standing of the situation between you two as well as what you have done to influence your present thoughts and feelings about them. This is something that I have been doing for years, even prior to hearing the term "shadow-work" just through a more philosophical vein by asking myself "how could I be wrong?" It's a challenging but fruitful practice.

Do you eat at all during your trips? I find that being low on caloric energy tends to make my trips harder to manage. The brain needs calories to process everything that's going on otherwise we can get pretty uncomfortable unless accustomed to it. I tend to keep mango around (my psychedelic fruit; it's great after DMT journeys too) and other fresh fruits, as well as some chips and maybe some candy.

On purging, my vote is to always let it out. Occurred for me twice two nights ago, and it was a necessary release. Sure, you'll probably start tripping harder immediately after, but I personally usually feel better. :)

Thank you for sharing. A good read.

One love
 
downwardsfromzero: thank you for your insight. Definitely, experiencing what I experienced was really immensely helpful and I would place this rough trip easily in my top2 or top3 most useful trips.

I already experienced distressing times during trips but it was the first time I was in such a terrible state.

Definitely an experience I will remember and cherish.

I don't have a definite answer on the veracity of entities :) but I find it really odd that I was in such a good mood and the trip resulted in such a bad experience. Furthermore, in previous trips, I could trace a direct link between the gloomy part and my own life. In this one, the dark stuff was kind of alien and disconnected.

But again, I don't have a definite opinion on whether it's all in my head or not :).

Voidmatrix: thanks for the extensive experience sharing! I trip on an empty stomach, as Terence advises. Sometimes I have some chocolate lying around but not this time. I had water though.

I read in places that freezer is all right but I'll do some research on that, thanks for pointing that out.

I have shrooms harvested from last September in there and when I take them, I can clearly feel that the potency isn't the same. The colors are less bright at least.

Thanks for reading!

So both of you think the yellow shroom is all right?
 
To add in on to the coloring, I don't believe it's anything to be worried about and I would generally agree with what Void said about the metabolites.

As for how to prevent it, I would question why is the freezer necessary in the first place. Dried mushrooms should be put in a cool, dry location and have the ability to breathe (like in paper bags), not to discourage your current setup. When you put them in plastic bags, or the fridge/freezer, if they have any trace amounts of liquid in them it will not have a chance to escape. What this does is it can partially re-hydrate the mushroom and cause it to continue digesting the psychoactive compounds as well as provide an environment in which contamination can flourish, hence the discoloration as the mushroom tried to fight against it.

Sounds like you had a rough time. It's always hard to say what leads you down that rabbit hole, but the only thing you can truly do is learn and move forward.

I hope you're doing well.
 
Hi breathingneon,

Thanks for your insight. The shroom was colored before I picked it up from my shoebox. I left it on its own for many many days before I harvested it. It had stopped growing before the veil shred and then it turned yellow with time. I harvested it once it was nearly entirely yellow.

The picture I posted is another "yellow" shroom I harvested at the same time.

As to storage, I read that keeping the shrooms in air tight containers prevents a loss of potency.

I can remove them from my freezer but I don't know if it's good to have them in a breathing environment. As I said, I keep my shrooms for months before I use them in general (I trip about once to twice per month tops). Next time I trip will be in 1 to 3 weeks and I'll take shrooms I harvested in last September ;). But I can experiment with different storage methods and see what happens :).

I had a rough time but it was full of learnings and I'm doing great now! I had a few bad visuals coming back in flashes these days but it does not bother me at all.

After all, maybe I also have a masochistic side :D...

Thanks for caring!
 
You gave so much power to those entities by inviting them and trying to interact with them and trying to feel compassion for them. Its impossible to know what the entities actually are. Are they generated by your own mind? Are they intelligent beings from another dimension or from a different part of this universe? Are they a manifestation of the intelligence of the universe? Are they spiritual beings? Since these questions are unanswerable I have always taken the role of being an impassive observer when I encounter them. And they have never been able to scare me or affect me negatively. Dont try to understand what they are or what it is that they want from you. Just be in awe of what you are seeing and realize that later on, when you are more sober, then you will be better able to understand what it meant, if it even meant anything at all. But talking with them and being open emotionally to their responses, this leaves all kinds of room for your psyche to project intention and acceptance and rejection and threat and other power onto the entities while you are in a very vulnerable and unprotected state.

So my suggestion would be that if you encounter them again just be a calm observer. They cant physically affect you. Even if their appearance is sinister or scary, they are beings of energy, not physical entities that can touch and harm you. Just relax and observe, and realize that later on when you are more sober then you can reflect back on what the significance was. And if for some reason the entities are too gory or frightening to look at then open your eyes and turn on the lights and listen to some calming classical music. You are the captian of the ship. So steer the ship through safe waters if thats what it takes.

All the best and be safe.
 
Thanks for your clear and useful insight Grey Fox :). I appreciate and I will definitely use it.
 
thank you for sharing.
when i find a suspicious fruit (or anything i am about to trip on) i dispose of it and completely remove it from my mind. i have heard and read a lot of stories of a funny looking mushroom (or similar) causing a bad trip, not because the mushroom is a problem, but because it plays on our minds even when we think we are not concerned. we don't realise the thought is in our subconscious mind until the trip sets in.
the nature of a productive trip is that it will strip your mind down into parts for you to analyse and present specific parts to you that need a closer look. in my opinion the suspicious mushroom was highlighted and presented to you to analyse how you really felt about it. not only should you learn to not eat the funny looking ones, but i think there is a lesson to be learnt about being honest with yourself. how comfortable were you really about that mushroom and how much of it was you just telling yourself to 'get on with it' or something like that? just some food for thought.
 
Your yellow fruit looks dry, really dry. One solid suggestion is for storage I would dehydrate rather than freeze. Freezing fresh mush bursts the cells and freezing dry mush reintroduces moisture leading to oxidization.
 
Hey PedroSanchez and Dirty T!

Thanks for your feedback!

PedroSanchez: I really appreciate your opinion and you might be right about the yellow shroom. Overall, the trip was about way more than just this yellow fruit, which, in my opinion, was only a small part of what made the whole thing.
To be honest, now that I have a good number of feedback and people globally tell me that the yellow shroom is just fine, I would be inclined to eat another one for my next trip, just to see what happens ;).

Dirty T: when I pick my shrooms, I try them with epsom salt and once they are very dry (but apparently not dry enough since they are not cracker-dry), I freeze them. The yellow one dried on its own in the shoebox left unattended for several days. People suggest that the yellow color is the shroom fighting off some kind of contam.
Anyway, now that I've dig deeper in the conservation topic, I bought a dehydrator and I will use it to make them cracker-dry and abandon the use of the freezer.

Thanks again!
 
PsiLulu said:
PedroSanchez: I really appreciate your opinion and you might be right about the yellow shroom. Overall, the trip was about way more than just this yellow fruit, which, in my opinion, was only a small part of what made the whole thing.
To be honest, now that I have a good number of feedback and people globally tell me that the yellow shroom is just fine, I would be inclined to eat another one for my next trip, just to see what happens ;).
Click to expand...
i guess i misunderstood the focus of the yellow mushroom. every individual trip is so unique and built from such a complex combination of experiences, preperation and timing that it is currently impossible to analyse the reasoning behind a trip (if there even is a reason). the best we can do is integrate what we understand about it and awe at the rest.
 
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