NOTE: This story is fictional, but is written from the first person perspective.... Yea right 
I had open wounds. Wounds that hurt. Pain from my past. We all do though don't we? I don't tell you this for sympathy, but I tell you this because I want you to know what I have been set free from.
At the age of 14, I watched my father die. He was playing basketball with my younger brother, he collapsed. I saw, I rose to the occasion. Had my brother get the phone and call 911. I did CPR. They came, they shocked him, and he did not come back to life.
These wounds were small, but set me off down a path of self destruction, and not in the sense that you would not think was self destructive. I was quite through school. Busy learning about math and science. I achieved. My mother was in a state of pain, and she lashed out at us. I forgive her now. Home was hell for us.
I sought love. I fell for a girl with a man. I pursued her hard, and won her love, well some of it. I became one with her, she was my first. I had the puppy love. She kept her boyfriend until he left for college, then she was all mine!!!! Not what I thought it was. I never trusted her (weird huh?) I left school dejected.
I remember my first day of college, so vividly. Thinking back on how little I was in school, when I say little, that means I was the nice, smart kid, that helped you with your homework, worked at the grocery store, treated his girlfriend well, and wasn't mean (sounds backwards eh?). Either way I remember sitting there, in my chair, in my dorm room, door was open, I was flipping a butterfly knife, thinking to myself, I can be whoever I want to be. Right now, I can be anyone. I no longer have to be the boring kid.
My EGO was born. World meet my ego, ego meet the world. I slept with a girl that night, a cute red head. I was the first man she ever gave herself to, and in the morning I threw her away. I became a leader. I had twenty guys on my floor following me. I was elected their leader. We pulled pranks. I slept with countless women. I drank too much, and abused Mary Jane.
That summer I went to BASIC. And as became a tool of US foreign policy. Now a weapon, my ego matured. Arrogance! I was now immune to the physical world around me. I was never cold, even on the brink of shivering.
More school. More girls, and a lot of one girl. She took away my ability to go to college for some time. I was dismissed for a year. It made the upcoming deployment to Afghanistan seem like a good idea. It was no longer a coincidence, but FATE.
I was charged with the lives of a few men, and wanted to bring them all home in one piece. I didn't make a single mistake the entire time I was there. I went to school full time (online), while going out on missions everyday. 20 hour days were common. I was running like an engine, red lined, pushed to the max, rings bright orange red. I had a few car accidents while I was there. I shot a few people that were not there to bring us good tidings. None of that really left a mark the way all the times nothing happened did. Like all the times we would come up to a speed bump, and a white Toyota corolla was there, parked directly over it. Of course white Toyota corollas were the cars we were told were carrying the bombs. As we drove by slow, I remember thinking "Please don't blow up, please don't blow up" Thankfully the car never blew up.
Upon return, I had proven my value, I was a man through and through, for I had survived war. My EGO was raging. I had a few girlfriends upon my return. Then I met her. I called her my hippie. I remember seeing her there, sitting there in a pair of green briefs, blowing MJ smoke out the window, I knew I was in love. She was patient, and sensitive. I was hard. I was arrogant. I was mean. For months she tried to soften me, to make me whole. I was too stubborn, and by stubborn I mean I had a death grip on my ego, or maybe my ego had a death grip on me?
I heard of a molecule, one that would change me. It was the Spirit Molecule. I had never tried any psychedelics, so in my most arrogant form, I went for the most intense as my first. I read the books. I read the journal articles. I ordered MHRB. I did the extractions. During this time I was preparing myself for what lie ahead of me. I knew in my heart of hearts that it would set me free. The extractions were rituals, spiritual rituals. I did them with respect.
I loaded a lightbulb and away I went. On my first trip I met all of the matter under my control, and it made me sad, because most of it I did not need. Then I spoke to the universe, in the the universal language of emotion. Thats when it told me that the universe was made of love, and if I listened for it, I could be wrapped in this love too. I was. I am.
I no longer value the things I used to. Confidence is but a game, a game that I no longer want to play (And I find by no longer playing the game, I am in turn truly confident). I no longer play a lot of the games that I used to. I realize now that in the vastness of what is the universe, I am so insignificant. And that is a good thing. None of us are important, as far as the universe is concerned. But what is important, what matters is how we behave in the universe. Our actions allow us to have an impact greater than ourselves. I no longer try to have a self serving impact, full of negativity and anger, and arrogance. I want to leave this world a better place than I found it. I pay it forward. I am positive. I no longer have wounds, but now scars, and scars don't hurt.
I can say now, that for the first time in my life I am finally free. I am clear. My mind is clear. I no longer have the burden of carrying any of this anymore (And the universe knows there is so much more I don't remember and will never confess). And thats why I wrote this, so those of you that are lost no it is possible to find yourself. If you meet the right molecule in the right state of mind.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for allowing me into your community. Thanks for the positive vibes, and the never ending support. If the world was more like this community, I think the we all know it would be a better place.
I had open wounds. Wounds that hurt. Pain from my past. We all do though don't we? I don't tell you this for sympathy, but I tell you this because I want you to know what I have been set free from.
At the age of 14, I watched my father die. He was playing basketball with my younger brother, he collapsed. I saw, I rose to the occasion. Had my brother get the phone and call 911. I did CPR. They came, they shocked him, and he did not come back to life.
These wounds were small, but set me off down a path of self destruction, and not in the sense that you would not think was self destructive. I was quite through school. Busy learning about math and science. I achieved. My mother was in a state of pain, and she lashed out at us. I forgive her now. Home was hell for us.
I sought love. I fell for a girl with a man. I pursued her hard, and won her love, well some of it. I became one with her, she was my first. I had the puppy love. She kept her boyfriend until he left for college, then she was all mine!!!! Not what I thought it was. I never trusted her (weird huh?) I left school dejected.
I remember my first day of college, so vividly. Thinking back on how little I was in school, when I say little, that means I was the nice, smart kid, that helped you with your homework, worked at the grocery store, treated his girlfriend well, and wasn't mean (sounds backwards eh?). Either way I remember sitting there, in my chair, in my dorm room, door was open, I was flipping a butterfly knife, thinking to myself, I can be whoever I want to be. Right now, I can be anyone. I no longer have to be the boring kid.
My EGO was born. World meet my ego, ego meet the world. I slept with a girl that night, a cute red head. I was the first man she ever gave herself to, and in the morning I threw her away. I became a leader. I had twenty guys on my floor following me. I was elected their leader. We pulled pranks. I slept with countless women. I drank too much, and abused Mary Jane.
That summer I went to BASIC. And as became a tool of US foreign policy. Now a weapon, my ego matured. Arrogance! I was now immune to the physical world around me. I was never cold, even on the brink of shivering.
More school. More girls, and a lot of one girl. She took away my ability to go to college for some time. I was dismissed for a year. It made the upcoming deployment to Afghanistan seem like a good idea. It was no longer a coincidence, but FATE.
I was charged with the lives of a few men, and wanted to bring them all home in one piece. I didn't make a single mistake the entire time I was there. I went to school full time (online), while going out on missions everyday. 20 hour days were common. I was running like an engine, red lined, pushed to the max, rings bright orange red. I had a few car accidents while I was there. I shot a few people that were not there to bring us good tidings. None of that really left a mark the way all the times nothing happened did. Like all the times we would come up to a speed bump, and a white Toyota corolla was there, parked directly over it. Of course white Toyota corollas were the cars we were told were carrying the bombs. As we drove by slow, I remember thinking "Please don't blow up, please don't blow up" Thankfully the car never blew up.
Upon return, I had proven my value, I was a man through and through, for I had survived war. My EGO was raging. I had a few girlfriends upon my return. Then I met her. I called her my hippie. I remember seeing her there, sitting there in a pair of green briefs, blowing MJ smoke out the window, I knew I was in love. She was patient, and sensitive. I was hard. I was arrogant. I was mean. For months she tried to soften me, to make me whole. I was too stubborn, and by stubborn I mean I had a death grip on my ego, or maybe my ego had a death grip on me?
I heard of a molecule, one that would change me. It was the Spirit Molecule. I had never tried any psychedelics, so in my most arrogant form, I went for the most intense as my first. I read the books. I read the journal articles. I ordered MHRB. I did the extractions. During this time I was preparing myself for what lie ahead of me. I knew in my heart of hearts that it would set me free. The extractions were rituals, spiritual rituals. I did them with respect.
I loaded a lightbulb and away I went. On my first trip I met all of the matter under my control, and it made me sad, because most of it I did not need. Then I spoke to the universe, in the the universal language of emotion. Thats when it told me that the universe was made of love, and if I listened for it, I could be wrapped in this love too. I was. I am.
I no longer value the things I used to. Confidence is but a game, a game that I no longer want to play (And I find by no longer playing the game, I am in turn truly confident). I no longer play a lot of the games that I used to. I realize now that in the vastness of what is the universe, I am so insignificant. And that is a good thing. None of us are important, as far as the universe is concerned. But what is important, what matters is how we behave in the universe. Our actions allow us to have an impact greater than ourselves. I no longer try to have a self serving impact, full of negativity and anger, and arrogance. I want to leave this world a better place than I found it. I pay it forward. I am positive. I no longer have wounds, but now scars, and scars don't hurt.
I can say now, that for the first time in my life I am finally free. I am clear. My mind is clear. I no longer have the burden of carrying any of this anymore (And the universe knows there is so much more I don't remember and will never confess). And thats why I wrote this, so those of you that are lost no it is possible to find yourself. If you meet the right molecule in the right state of mind.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for allowing me into your community. Thanks for the positive vibes, and the never ending support. If the world was more like this community, I think the we all know it would be a better place.
