Admittedly it has been difficult for me to find things to be grateful for as of late. I don't need to elucidate about the state of things, nobody can deny that it isn't good. I wish I could say that it is any better in my personal life, this year has been one of loss, grief, sadness and anger that just does not seem to want to let up despite my best efforts to make it better.

That said, just yesterday I was posting on another (mental health) forum about this, and how I am just beginning to see all of it not as an evil force bent on destroying me but rather as a gift from the universe designed to force me into aligninment with my ethics, values and worldview. I feel like I have never been a truly authentic version of myself, and my desire to present myself as something other than in order to please other people who I never see or talk to, and most of whom aren't even alive, but whose voices ring in my head nevertheless has annihilated my freedom and smothered my creativity.

So... I am grateful for this incredibly painful gift, and to at last catch a glimpse through my self-delusion of the true version of myself, and to be alive to reach for him. And hopefully to be of service to others suffering through the wisdom of this experience once I do, indeed survive it.

Because (