Welcome to the Nexus, DosileFlynn!  Your post touched me, as it so brings back memories of the past.  It is so heartening to hear that you have realized some of the ways you have negatively affected the people around you.  I genuinely feel that our social structures have created these behaviors in us, and it is only by waking up to them and coming together to support each other in behaving like real human beings that we can change the collective path we walk.  Be cool, be well.