This is because all of these express ideas better than I can. What's in my mind right now is mostly confusion. It'd be more interesting if you'd asked me three years ago, when it was all fresh. I didn't go into detail because, as it seems your response confirms, most people are already familiar with the people and books I mentioned.

I see it as a problem for me to use past experiences as platform for future growth, it feels like regression, it takes me out of the moment.

In fact the very idea you address about what is in MY mind as opposed to the minds of others is what I've been thinking about lately. It is of course, up to the individual to make sense of reality. But new information is always coming in, worldview is continually shifted between polarities. My inner sense of things is anti-existentialist, I prefer to view the universe as an ever-complexifying ascent into higher awareness, but my own consciousness is quite grounded in physical reality. I am firmly an empiricist and I don't like to make assertions beyond what I have evidence for.

If there is any specific concept I mentioned that you wish for me to elaborate on, I would be glad to.

Thanks for the welcome! I've already greatly enjoyed my conversations here.