Greetings

[Chi847]

Male, 39.

My drug history is minimal, occasional weed, don't really drink, don't like the taste. Always had a fascination with the concept of psychedelics, but have never done any nor any serious attempts to find some.

I've had depression since childhood. It varies and I believe Andy Richter said it best. Living with the suspicion that others find joy in a sunset that I cannot to feeling that my death would be a kindness to others.

Aside from the glitch in the "wiring" so to speak, add in emotional and mental and physical and sexual abuse and PTSD..As my therapist put it I am a broken person.

3 years ago I was diagnosed with leukemia and required a bone marrow transplant. Complications arose afterwards, and they were devastating.

I went from boxing and crossfit and OCR to I have to rest after walking up a flight of stairs. A photographer and now I exist in a room with the lights off because light is uncomfortable. I will never be physically well again. Everything that I was before was taken from me.

I've tried medication, just leaves me numb. I tried ketamine and TMS, it works for like a day maybe two.

I don't know what else to do. My state was supposed to vote on legalizing mushrooms but Covid derailed that. I've attempted to grow some but so far no sigh of success

I'm at my wits end, I can't go on like this. I'm hoping for acceptance, emotional healing inner peace, maybe I'll understand what love is actually like. At the very least chilling with mechanical gnomes doesn't sound so bad. It's a gamble, but one I'm willing to take. I'm on a fair number of meds from oncology but from looking at the list I haven't seen any of mine mentioned

 

[Spirochete]

Vine-only (no DMT) ayahuasca has done great things for people just like you. I would look into that.

 

[Chi847]

Do you still trip without DMT? I'm very new to this. What would the vine only do vs the DMT version?

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Too bad to hear, Chi847

Psychedelics have helped me to realize what makes life worth living for me, but it has required a lot of mental effort. Psilocybin has a profound antidepressant effect, but taking other psychedelics can feel too demanding if not mentally in good shape. On the other hand, sharing the trip with someone you can trust with the issues that often come forth during the experience can be very relieving.

If you decide to try DMT, I strongly recommend trying the oral DMT (ayahuaca or analogue) first and low dose. It is the most powerful psychedelic in the world and can be very demanding mentally. If you have the strength to process the insights and incorporate them in your everyday life it can be a wonderful tool, but it's not the go-to option if you just want to feel better.

Maybe start your journey with positive affirmations meditation? I like this one very much:

It's almost too powerful to listen to after having combined that with some mind-altering substances.

Good luck!

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Do you still trip without DMT? I'm very new to this. What would the vine only do vs the DMT version?

Harmala alkaloids in the vine do change your headspace, but I feel it's more like you become very calm and your thoughts become lot more quiet. It's not a typical trippy feeling, but perfect for meditation, unless you get too much of nausea, that is.

 

[CatFractals]

A vine only brew work great!

I personally haven't tried vine only so I can only vouch so much.

Caapi itself can be psychedelic on its own.(I think big cats in the jungle eat a bunch of vine) Caapi vine contains harmine and THH and a little bit of harmaline.

Your MAOI's here are the Harmine and Harmaline

While the THH acts more so like a SSRI

Again I haven't tried vine only so as far as trip intensity goes or what you would experience visually
I can't really give you a good example.

I've only worked with DMT in combination with Caapi for brews.

If none of your medications cause any problems with MAOI's or SSRI's I'd recommend trying pharmahuasca or pharmachanga.

 

[Spirochete]

Do you still trip without DMT? I'm very new to this. What would the vine only do vs the DMT version?

The vine-only provides mild visuals and only when your eyes are closed. Because of that it is very controllable. It's not on the same level as DMT, shrooms, etc. In my experience the visuals were like a screen saver on a computer. That is, until I wanted to look into some particular issue. I could direct the caapi to anything I wanted to look into and the visuals would help me understand the concept, just as an instructor uses powerpoints to explain what they are teaching. If you've ever heard anyone talk about "energy blockages," I could literally see an energetic grid, how energy flows between people, how between some people energy does not flow etc. When you hug someone you are reinforcing the energy between yourselves, same with taking someone's coat etc. This energy is basically subconscious. I got a lot more out of it than just this, but this was the bulk of the visuals.

Caapi is a powerful tool for looking into yourself in my experience.

 

[Spirochete]

Do you still trip without DMT? I'm very new to this. What would the vine only do vs the DMT version?

Harmala alkaloids in the vine do change your headspace, but I feel it's more like you become very calm and your thoughts become lot more quiet. It's not a typical trippy feeling, but perfect for meditation, unless you get too much of nausea, that is.

We had to take a lot for a vine-only brew to do anything or become visual. I held the brew down for maybe 1 hr before I vomited harder than I ever have before. After that, It was pure bliss. For me and most others I was with, no intense nausea = no experience at all. After about an hour, don't fight your stomach and vomit that shit up 8)

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Do you still trip without DMT? I'm very new to this. What would the vine only do vs the DMT version?

The vine-only provides mild visuals and only when your eyes are closed. Because of that it is very controllable. It's not on the same level as DMT, shrooms, etc. In my experience the visuals were like a screen saver on a computer. That is, until I wanted to look into some particular issue. I could direct the caapi to anything I wanted to look into and the visuals would help me understand the concept, just as an instructor uses powerpoints to explain what they are teaching.

I actually just experienced this while under heavy influence of Syrian rue! I couldn't make my vaporizer work, so I just sat on the couch cross-legged and realized that if I follow the faint images that arise, they become stronger and I can enter the visionary world. I had (unintentionally) fasted all the day, so I had practically no nausea. I realized that if I was able to set time aside for fasting and meditation this could be the most sustainable method for discovering the inner realms.

 

[Spirochete]

Do you still trip without DMT? I'm very new to this. What would the vine only do vs the DMT version?

The vine-only provides mild visuals and only when your eyes are closed. Because of that it is very controllable. It's not on the same level as DMT, shrooms, etc. In my experience the visuals were like a screen saver on a computer. That is, until I wanted to look into some particular issue. I could direct the caapi to anything I wanted to look into and the visuals would help me understand the concept, just as an instructor uses powerpoints to explain what they are teaching.

I actually just experienced this while under heavy influence of Syrian rue! I couldn't make my vaporizer work, so I just sat on the couch cross-legged and realized that if I follow the faint images that arise, they become stronger and I can enter the visionary world. I had (unintentionally) fasted all the day, so I had practically no nausea. I realized that if I was able to set time aside for fasting and meditation this could be the most sustainable method for discovering the inner realms.

I bet it would be even better with caapi since it has THH.