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Hell of a lesson - real trauma

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zubidlo

zubidlo

Rising Star
Hi travelers,

Oh my! This is something I have to share!
I made mistake!

...till today, I had fearful, respectful relationship with my ' ancient jurema GOD'. I only bothered him once a week, always scared but decided to nicely ask him to show me beauty of his realm. And he did. He was kind to me. He freed my consciousness from my body and mind, than showed me eternity in his dimension. Just for a short while, safely, cool...till today...till few minutes ago...

I mistreated him. I bothered him when I was drunk and high on other drugs. I treated him like 'a drug', no respect. I actually thought that I wouldn't get into his realm because I'm dull from alcohol and stuff. So I wasn't scared to bother him for first time. Oh my, what a mistake!

I just went through real hell! As I entered his realm, he was there again, as usual. GOD. His dimension was same as usual - gorgeous, but this time he was angry. Really angry. He decided to trapped me into the endless loop of bad trips. This experience was made of about 20 bad trips : breakthrough -> hell -> back to body ... breakthrough -> hell -> back to body ... breakthrough -> hell -> back to body ... FEAR that it will never end -> breakthrough -> HELL -> back to body... FEAR that I'm crazy -> breakthrough -> HELL -> back to body ... and again and again with bigger fear every time when I entered my body! I was begging that I understand the lesson, that I'm sorry (in his realm) and repeating to myself that it has to end soon (back in body). I swear, it felt like half an hour till I started to noticed weakness in his powers (I have no idea how long it really lasted)... And he showed me his anger as well! He kept him self on the edge of my field of view all the time...but I glanced at him few times...I can't describe his appearance...personalized ANGER different every time!!! And when all this finished I felt like five years old boy, who witnessed some real horror and all I was able to think about was his many angry faces...I remember one of his incarnations looked like that mask from SHPONGLE albums, but really EVIL...eyes everywhere...

I'm really sorry I underestimated this... I'm not sure if I will ever be able to bothered him again. If he puts me through this 'experience' again... I don't know...Maybe I'll never recover next time...actually this was my first 'bad trip' as far as I remember. I hope I will forget this trip.

But maybe he is a kind GOD, maybe he just wanted me to learn a lesson...and I did learn!!!

ALWAYS SOBER, YOU IDIOT!

I wish you have safe travels...safer than this...and if someone came through similar hell, please let me know.
 
Thanks for sharing the experience. Swim smoked spice for the first time, drunk, and ended up regretting it because he couldnt remember anything, but you are right it is dissrespectful and treating it like a 'drug'. Atleast by sharing this other people can learn from your experience and it might help other people avoid making the same mistake.

What were the other substances you had taken? Maybe 'he' doesnt like you using them?
 
this happened to my friend (no seriously my friend) and he was high and super drunk when he smoked up. He said the entity was PISSED at him and told him so due to his inept state. My friend was also disrespectful he said, and as a result this entity "tazed" him with fear, depression, just all the worst feelings one could have. My friend said he went from cocky and wasted to afraid, sober, and crying begged the entity to take him back out of the trip. The entity oblidged and showed him the way out and told my friend to listen to me in the future (the entity actually said my name!). I'm usually drunk myself when i smoke because honestly i'm terrified as hell to what i may see!!! but regardless of my drunken state I always treat the experience with awe, and respect, and tempered fear, perhaps thats why i've never been tormented yet.
 
Hi guys,

I just woke up (into slight hangover) and first thought which poke at my mind was : Oh my, what was that yesterday, check the forum 😉

And there it is : someone else was there too...hmmm...
I fell like I need to study Jurema use in shamanic practices now...Let me explain myself a bit.
After first date with spice I gained impression that Jurema has 'a spirit' and that It is not very happy that It was riped out from It's natural habitat and placed in the freezer somewhere. :x And after each future 'date', I've been reassured that It is really powerful force - plant - spirit. Now I need to know what status Jurema had in native amazonian tribes and learn more about it.

Check this out : Queen Jurema

I just started to read it and it seems that Jurema has a special status among north Brazilian tribes...

“In a first stage of colonization, the indigenous people resistance in the Northeast did not allow Jurema, as sacred tree, to be known in its uses and meanings, then not being documented by settlers and foreigners. On a second historical period, Jurema represents a ritualistic element connected to the armed resistance of the native people or even the war undertaken against enemies from their own alliances. Even at this point in which Jurema is starting to be documented, its significance is not yet understood but its use is already a reason for repression, imprisonment and assassination of Indians. (...)"

This is going to be fascinating reading :roll:

Anyway, about yesterday, thank you guys for replies, skinwalker, your friend experience seems like mine - wtf? :shock: . I felt the same way he did: sober, scared to death, begging for forgiveness. I know I wasn't through 20 breakthroughs, it was 'a trip inside a trip and inside other'...very long and confusing...I've been shown the horror of confusion and anger without stable reality :roll: (?)...don't want that again. I'm starting to be convinced that disrespectful treatment of Jurema is Very Bad Idea. Any inappropriate approach to this fascinating sacred entheogen is a risk leading to real trauma.

Thanks all for your opinions, which help me to understand this 'game' more and help me gain courage to pursue...
Safe travels
 
Yes, I have experienced this as well; not from going in drunk, but just unprepared, without the proper focus. Major spankings. Never undertake this lightly ... glad you survived it; I know how it feels to believe you are never coming back, that you are dead.

safe travels, friend
 
been there myself its absolutely terrifying .
I am still terrified to go back. i have tried a few times since but can't seem to bring myself to go in fully.

i went to a local shamanic healer and she helped me alot. there are shamanic techniques that, with practice,
COULD help to better deal in the moment.

one thing that has interested me is something called soul hiding. This is where you entrust the part of your soul that has specific fear to a good spirit for the duration of your journey. you retrieve it afterwards.

that being said i'm not really sure if there is anything we can really do to prepare for the onslaught of power that comes on. It scares me just thinking about and I've have felt different ever since it happened.

I will eventually go back in but i need to be better prepared . At present there is not a moment in my life that goes by when i'm not referencing this experience in some way. I want to be at a better place with it soon

your not alone in this
 
Ya I been there. I don't think you've really done dmt until you have done too much for your current state of mind. Welcome to the club lol.
 
Hi everyone, thanks for welcomes and replies.

DMT seems to be fun :d Seems that virtually everyone had been through a 'confusing' experience. If we try to put believes, projections of our minds into trip on a side...you know, if we put spiritual part of thing on side...WHAT THE F..K DMT IS? :?:

Let me explain myself. What I go through each attempt is about this:
I take first hit - I feel just heat in my lungs...
I take second hit (sometimes third) - I feel heat spreading (consuming) my whole body for a short moment and than I feel a energy field frequency moving within my spine up to my head. And as it reach my brain I hear it as sharp 'buzzzzzzz' in my ears. Than it stats to manifest in my eyes (inside my visual nerve part of the brain I guess). And as a frequency of reality (???) is changed I see new reality emerge and old is fading and than I close me eyes.......

I'M THERE

.......after nonspecific time I open my eyes and I still hear and feel energy field, but it is fading and I start to fell my body again, see my reality emerging again. I have to mention this part is always confusing (I don't remember who I am and wtf...). And it is always uncomfortable to be back to body for a short period (feeling fragile, heavy body load, feeling of pain in lover back). But I remember this body feeling from other tryptamine-based trips, I think tryptamines do this to body and it is maybe just illusion - you basically feel your body differently.

Now, my point is this... what happened to me (my bad trip) was, that a strong drugs (alcohol) interfered with DMT energy field and I got trapped into loop of jumps from one frequency (reality) to other. Or maybe DMT wasn't able to hold one stable frequency. So I went through that 'coming back confusing period' quite few times and my confusion (not knowing who I am and what is happening) got amplified into FEAR. I have to admit, this was strongest experience with DMT so far. I remember how sure I was that this is 'my Jurema god' doing, he let me to saw his angry incarnation for just a moment and than violently pushed me out his realm back to confusing (uncomfortable) state with just memory of anger and then back again and again. NOT RECOMMENDED and VERY DANGEROUS - POTENTIAL TRAUMA.

Anyway, all I trying to do is process the fear to be able to go back to study this fascinating entheogen more.

Safe travels, friends. 8)
 
I cannot make comment on alcohol being in the mix, as I rarely drink. Something I can say though, is that no matter how much respect and preparation I have before each experience, it will not always assure a positive "fun" adventure.
The most troubling and earth shaking launch I have had came after taking time to meditate and do some deep breathing. I was in a great mood and open hearted.

I was told that I was chosen by the molecule to be a sacrifice. I was about to die. I witnessed visions of my flesh dissolving and skin bursting open.
It was horrifying, making me take several months away from the stuff.

Now I am open to all messages, accepting the ones perceived as negative.
In a way I am actually intrigued to experience a similar death scenario again, so I may have the opportunity to surrender.
Could this become a true dissolution of the ego?

Don't worry, you will get past this.
My lesson learned is to let go of a need for it to be one way or another. I hope you may build some interesting ideas as a result of your own troubling experience.

Thanks for sharing. :)
 
one thing that has interested me is something called soul hiding. This is where you entrust the part of your soul that has specific fear to a good spirit for the duration of your journey. you retrieve it afterwards.
Click to expand...

Christ (a force I identified as Christ) did this to me once. I wanted to hold it together for the entire trip and there was a point where I couldn't any more (I got to the end of my capabilities). I had a chance to give my entire life, totally, into his hands so that he can take care of that which I cannot (yet?). And I did that and it worked. For some seconds it was somebody else who was moving things. I became just a silent witness. And this "somebody" twisted it in such a way that I couldn't get. When I let it out of my hands, it speeded up to such a high frequency where I am not (and possibly cannot be) present and there magic happened, and then it slowed back down on the other side and the thread was put back into my hands so I could take it up and reanimate. It worked. I was really grateful to Christ for helping me out there... :)
 
Oh my, Dreammethodtool...

Be chosen to be a sacrifice...quite powerful way to 'dissolve the ego' through death...
I wish you a courage to explore this path...and I wish I will have such courage one day!
I will overcome my fear soon, I'm just too fascinated by this molecule to leave it just now. I believe in freedom of mind...egoless existence outside 'a prison of my thoughts, complexes and fears', though I lack a will power and devotion to get on 'satori', meditation practice path. That is why I hope to get 'enlightened' through DMT for just a moment. That is what I truthfully ask 'my Jurema spirit' to show me everytime. I always meditate till I have only calm 'I exist' thought in my mind before I take a hit.

There is a theory arising in my mind about DMT as well...I think that the molecule is some kind of brain wave frequency tuner / modulator and somehow it is really able to create a dream inside the visual brain when we sleep or are awake. I've been given a lucid dreaming ability few times after attempt with DMT. Probably other tryptamines work like that as well,but only (?) DMT is processed by brain very well and fast, probably because it is endogenous (I always fell -> hear -> see that frequency shift during the attempts). Therefore it should be legal and researched properly. Who knows what a thorough research could reveal !?! :shock:

I hope I make sense a bit (maybe not) and thanks for replies guys, great help...
Safe travels.
 
Yea i get drunk when i go in as im always anxious beforehand
I think 80% of the times im drunk

Iv only had the one bad trip where there was huge ugly swearling faces on my roof and people getting squashed in stainless steel rollers. I didnt get scared as it was different to what id seen before so I kept watching

It was in a totaly dark room, so maybe that was my mistake

Anyways they really havent minded me being drunk, i find im more releaxed these days and i totaly give my self to them

The problem is thet i dont remember everyting of the journeys but there is so much to take in so who would

Iv been denied access every now and then, maybe they dont like alcoholics :)

Anyways

All the best for you and your freind for your next journey
 
I try to go in with a good mindset and setting but DMT will throw some curve balls. It's definitely the only mind altering chemical I've taken that I WOULDN'T classify as a drug. I was an atheist for a while when I was in a bad place. Now I am agnostic and spiritual. I don't believe in a being named god, but I KNOW that everything is connected. DMT helped me realize that death is not all that bad, then later helped me realize that life is amazing. Definitely be ready to give yourself fully if you decide to give it another go.

*EDIT*


zubidlo said:
There is a theory arising in my mind about DMT as well...I think that the molecule is some kind of brain wave frequency tuner / modulator and somehow it is really able to create a dream inside the visual brain when we sleep or are awake. I've been given a lucid dreaming ability few times after attempt with DMT. Probably other tryptamines work like that as well,but only (?) DMT is processed by brain very well and fast, probably because it is endogenous (I always fell -> hear -> see that frequency shift during the attempts). Therefore it should be legal and researched properly. Who knows what a thorough research could reveal !?! :shock:
Click to expand...

I forgot to mention, After I tried DMT again after awhile I had some very vivid dreams where all the settings were not as trippy as my dreams usually are. It was more realistic and I remember my best friend and I conversing when all the sudden I said "Bro, shut the fuck up, I know this is a dream". He replied, "What are you talking about?" and he laughs. In the dream everyone told me that I was trippin and that It was real life. It was weird but I argued with them about me dreaming.
When I woke up, I thought it was pretty funny but I don't have many lucid dreams, maybe 1 out of 1000. In a documentary called the secrets of sleep, a scientist stated that when we dream our frontal lobe of our brain is switched off. So we do not question if we are dreaming because we are not thinking as well. But, I think DMT has played some significant effects on my dreams. I think it could definitely see DMT shifting around some frequencies.
 
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