joedirt. I think what you have gone through is pretty normal.  It seems to be a mix of things. First of all, mixing with alcohol is not recommended, even if its not being drunk. A lot of people claim to either have bad experiences (hyperspacial lesson?), or affecting the clarity of the experience, or affecting recollection. So I would suggest not drinking before taking DMT, even if it helps with anxiety a bit.  A small hit before taking the full launch might also help remembering the somatic effects and therefore calming anxiety before going for the full dose. A light-moderate dose mushrooms and smoking DMT post-peak can also be great both for diminishing anxiety, as well as for the recollection and integration aspect (not to mention its beautiful beyond words)

The other thing is regarding the dosage. If you at some point get a vaporgenie as your smoking tool, you will see that even 30mg can be plenty for a breakthrough. Smoking it effectively significantly diminishes the dosage needed for breakthrough. So if you did have 30-40mg in it, and for some reason you smoked it more effectively than other times (easier on the lighter, took a stronger puff, held it for longer, whatever), it can easily explain such a strong experience.  Lastly about the dosage, there seems to be a 'random' factor regarding the relation with dosage and the strenght of the experience, so that, even though generally there is a dose-dependent relationship, there are also a few exceptions where even smaller or similar dosages as other times can suddenly bring very intense experiences.  I think most people that have smoked DMT a few times will have this happen to them at one point or another, to get suddenly a very strong experience with a small dosage. It certainly happened to me, I remember once loading same dosage as always which I clear in 3 inhalations, but this time the first inhalation already sent me to an unexpected full force breakthrough.

As for why you had that 'blackout' and later not remembering who you are and that you smoked dmt, I would say that is a mixture of having a normal breakthrough (which indeed makes you forget about yourself and just experience whatever happens like a newborn child), and possibly the bad recolection due to alcohol.

Also, I think the fact that you didnt expect that whole thing to happen made you freak out and not 'let go'.. You were probably struggling for your sanity, for things to make sense, and this made you not pay attention to what was happening, but rather be in this freakout state. So once that passed, you started being able to appreciate the visuals and thoughts and meditative state.  If you set your intentions straight and let go from the beginning, a breakthrough can be undescribably blissful.

Did you read the integration part on our health and safety section? Some things there might help a bit.

I think that the important thing is that you now take your time, dedicate to normal life, be healthy, and do by all means ponder on what happen with DMT but also know that there are no final conclusions, neither about psychedelic experiences and neither about life in general. It is what you make it.  And only do it again once you feel comfortable, dont push yourself unnecessarily.

Good luck, all the best!