hello der..!

[keuse]

Hey guys,

I'm from western Canada and on a path towards spiritual enlightenment. I had a lot of bad luck in life - but better than a lot, I'm sure, and I've been living the happiest life I have ever had over the past year and a half.

I started building my confidence with Brazilian jiu jitsu when I became a stand out in the martial art. Embarrassingly this was the first time that I actually was good at something.. I've been mediocre at things or 'decent' - but never, in my over judging opinion, really good. With this outlet to fixate on - to really express myself in a physical way. I've always been an creative/expressive person (writing, drawing, painting, etc) but the physical expression through martial arts is so much artistic expression that's instant, for display, without any prep or permanent fixation. It's something else - or at least the way I perceive it.

It began the process of identifying my traits that I needed to work on (insecurity, jealousy, poor self esteem) and completely transformed me as a person over the course of 4 1/2 years.

I started to pay attention to global politics, trends and began reading a lot of news during the same time - and realize the matrix that we really do live in.. the way that media, corporations and marketing sway our opinion, make us consume, depressed, fixate on a materialistic, unfulfilled life and basically take the power away from the people under the guise that we have a democracy - when no matter who gets into power doesn't change anything.. That's a whole different can of worms, though.

Being able to really analyze and decipher the crap that we're all fed allowed me, with other areas of self improvement, figure out the reasons behind most of my poor character traits (insecurity, jealousy, ego, etc) and through this I have completely changed who I am. I am really trying to focus on living right now without thinking about or having the future or past have any relevance in my life. I try my best to not let ego ever play a part in my life, and I have forgiven everyone for their wrongs.

I had always experimented with drugs and had a crazy hyperspace experience once on mushrooms, but I was young with no path and it wasn't something I liked.
For most of my life I identified as an atheist.. just a bunch of blackness when we pass on and life being just a dream really.

It actually took me quite a long time to get over the thought of dieing one day, there being nothing but 'black nothingness' and I began letting my morals slip a bit. Not that I was acting on it, but I just didn't go out of my way to be good to people or go above and beyond, feeling powerless on a grand scale, with only blackness waiting for me at death - as if this life is just a dream.

Then I somehow stumbled across the religion of illumination. I heard about DMT before on a joe rogan interview YEARS ago, but never really connected the DMT experience with god or anything - just a 'trip' / not a real experience at the time.

I believe that spiritual illumination is the true spiritual path and I no longer am an atheist. I believe everything is connected and there there is something after this life. Truly believing that is a load off my shoulders.

I have spent the last few months researching illumination, the pineal gland, the history of the all seeing eye/pineal gland in Egyptian society and I am fascinated by how the pineal gland is cited as the one true way to connect with the spirit world/the world around us that we do not see.

I'm wanting to find out how to extract my own DMT and want to experience hyper space with this medium to connect with my inner self and that which is around me that I cannot experience in my current state of being.

I'm having a heck of a time finding anything in canada.. everything is sold out or not available. I'll continue though - I have to.

 

[zombicyckel]

Sounds amazing, martial art seems to be a great way to be create and doing something to let go off all the stess. Thanks for sharing, I hope the best in your future path peace and have a good one

 

[Pandora]

Hello keuse,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you for taking the time to write such a thorough introductory essay - I really enjoyed reading that.

It really sounds like your journey of self-transformation and discovery have been amazingly productive. And I think it's wonderful you have found something you really shine at (martial arts) - your writing about it was borderline poetic, quite an inspiration.

Sadly, you have come to the Nexus just a bit late to ride the mimosa hostillis root bark (MHRB) wave. But do please check the wiki for all the up to date plant source extraction teks.

Please check all those links in your welcome pm and visible in the upper right hand corner of your forum pages. There is invaluable information to be found there.

I found your discussion of atheism to be fascinating, because as I am prone to repeating, I had mine burned out of me after over 40 years, in under 5 minutes using smoked DMT as a catalyst for . . . . well. . . breakthrough, .

For me, though often really sad about death and dying (especially loss of loved ones) atheism brought out a great kindness in me. The idea that this one run for each and every one of us, to be followed by the big yawning black, was to only be assigned meaning that we could create for it. And thus, and particularly, if it was in fact all meaningless, then my goal was to be as kind as I could to folks (pets too) trying to lessen (or at least not cause more) pain with my actions. How to put this more succintly? I used to (& still do) say "I love you," to my loved ones each and every time we separate. The future is uncertain, so best to make love tonight, not forget to say what I mean, go ahead and . . . . kind of like that.

LOL - I didn't mean to rant all over your introduction. Mainly I intended to give you a warm welcome here at the Nexus.

 

[keuse]

No problem! I originally wrote an introduction that was three times that long and thought 'nobody would ever read this' and deleted it, re-writing and realizing I was writing another book.. so I didnt want to delve into a lot of the topics more than I already had as I didn't think anyone would actually read all of it.

Still on the lookout 8)

I'm extremely disappointed to hear that I missed out.. can you recommend an easy alternative?

 

[Pandora]

I, personally cannot. But please do research this site. Research is being done on all kinds of alternative sources, in particular on acacia's and phalaris grass species. Also, there is a big push to acquire seeds - including MHRB seeds - and "grow your own."

 

[phyllode]

I started building my confidence with Brazilian jiu jitsu

Awesome keuse! Welcome. I spent a few years learning about DMT before trying it. Patience is good and discipline.
But it was worth trying! Good journeys to you.