Hello keuse,

Welcome to the Nexus.  Thank you for taking the time to write such a thorough introductory essay - I really enjoyed reading that.

It really sounds like your journey of self-transformation and discovery have been amazingly productive.  And I think it's wonderful you have found something you really shine at (martial arts) - your writing about it was borderline poetic, quite an inspiration.

Sadly, you have come to the Nexus just a bit late to ride the mimosa hostillis root bark (MHRB) wave.  But do please check the wiki for all the up to date plant source extraction teks.

Please check all those links in your welcome pm and visible in the upper right hand corner of your forum pages.  There is invaluable information to be found there.

I found your discussion of atheism to be fascinating, because as I am prone to repeating, I had mine burned out of me after over 40 years, in under 5 minutes using smoked DMT as a catalyst for . . . . well. . . breakthrough,  .

For me, though often really sad about death and dying (especially loss of loved ones) atheism brought out a great kindness in me.  The idea that this one run for each and every one of us, to be followed by the big yawning black, was to only be assigned meaning that we could create for it.  And thus, and particularly, if it was in fact all meaningless, then my goal was to be as kind as I could to folks (pets too) trying to lessen (or at least not cause more) pain with my actions.  How to put this more succintly?  I used to (& still do) say "I love you," to my loved ones each and every time we separate.  The future is uncertain, so best to make love tonight, not forget to say what I mean, go ahead and . . . . kind of like that.

LOL - I didn't mean to rant all over your introduction.  Mainly I intended to give you a warm welcome here at the Nexus.