Hi Tyler, welcome!

I agree with Smoov, Have a read around about mushrooms. It sounds like everything you are wishing to experience or achieve could be done so through a beautiful mushroom experience.

They could help you with coming to terms with things, accepting things, you will also experience ego death on a decent dose of mushrooms and I also think it would be a lot lighter than jumping straight into DMT, but still very intense  Keep us updated with whatever you decide and ask around if your not sure about anything.

Safe travels friend