Hello, I am found yet lost

[Auneface]

I am a senior in college getting my degree in international economics. I've dabbled in Psychedelics since I was a sophomore. This isn't very long but I've tried my hardest to respect the time and space I live in, and to not over-due my desires.

I am an artist. I let these desires go due to my family.
My family has caused many 'distortions'.
But it's a passed on, almost evolutionary hurt.

I felt myself go insane on Lucy as I began to understand that the reality we all live in is just a distortion. I couldn't explain it, and in my attempts to I scared away people I cared about.
I let psychedelics go and tried to just be a loving raver, instead of a space cowboy.
It was at a rave, I met a wise man with a lot of spice. He explained my lucy-enlightened thoughts back at me in such clarity, I had wished he had been with me for all that hurt over unclarity. When we parted he gave me all the spice he had left, and then I went home.

I still to this day have not had a threshold experience. I need buffers, explanations. My mind is too innately curious to let things be at times. This raver-spice-head has not been as responsive- I feel as though he's on a personal mission with something. So please help me dear spice-heads, my dabbling in low doses have helped me understand things immensely better, but my own issues have manifested themselves to be quite frightening. I need tools, wisdom. I feel like I know nothing but see everything. It can be dark and scary and D:

 

[hyperspacing]

Welcome to the nexus!!

Perhaps an aya journey may help you integrate your experiences and the way your life is going. or even the other side of the spectrum would be to take a break from all forms of altered consciousness and work on yourself in the most basic form. You wouldn't believe how focusing on things like eating right, working out, or your art can lead you to better choices in life. Therefore more ideal situations.

Ps. Not a fan of your term "spice-head"

 

[Orion]

It's a shame the term spice-head sounds like a stigma magnet. If people had been open minded about these things in the past, we wouldn't have problems with negative code-words and such nonsense.

Here, I we CAN be open about it.

Welcome from another nursery dweller!

 

[burningmouth]

I am a senior in college getting my degree in international economics. I've dabbled in Psychedelics since I was a sophomore.

That's quite a combination: international economics and psychedelics.
The world economy is getting close to a 'threshold experience'. Gold is rising and the dollar is falling. Pension plans are underwater. Social security is underwater. California is in the pacific ocean. You probably have some novel and enlightening ideas about how we can get our financial act together.

 

[Auneface]

Ps. Not a fan of your term "spice-head"

My apologies, I didn't mean anything underhanded by it, I've just never really met people with any experience in it. I have since having a frightening experience, remained sober and attempt to make confrontation/peace/forgiveness with whatever it is I'm interpreting. I've been doodling like never before as well Also, I have fructose mal-absorption. My diet is as perfect as it can ever be for me, and I'm sick of it and I miss sugar I'm usually the one pushing the nutrition card.

nursery dweller? Cuz I'm a yougin?

As for our whole international system, i've been more attracted to the aspect of trade, international relations, and the third world. But it has drawn out some beautiful concepts for me.

But basically my intentions are far towards understand the third world economics/trading than the upper class nations we love/hate pick at.