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Hello my loved ones

Migrated topic.
B

Baakpon

Rising Star
My dear loved ones.....

I cannot explain my exctacy upon our meeting.
SWIM made a very simple aya tea and imbibed.

Swim has been waiting for the right moment to join you all in hyperspace.
It is now....
Thank you thank you thank you

that is all for now

do not be worried
waiting is......
 
Well I am back.
or as t.s. Elliot said
and now thats done and im glad its over.
But here was my experience ....

swim made a tea with syrian rue, mimosa hostilis , and chacruna
it was made just like a tea is made....

it was something I cannot really describe.
I slowly fell into a void filled by myself.
I had fantasy and reality kept pounding at the door.
I had fantasy about sexual things( i rolled on the bed alot and bit my hand for an hour or so)
I had the feeling of being a cornivore and everything i did become me getting my prey. Which included some silly things like getting earplugs etc. (sensoray deprivation is intense)
At first i was completely lost no ego whatsoever.....
but gradually I began to change the reality around me so that I controlled it completely.
and as I lost my desires and fears I was gradually realised from my handlers( There were many beings watching me helping me and studying me)so that I began to inhabit my body and the reality I submit it to.
Now I am......


Thank you and I love you all
 
I should clarify a little.
It was everything. It was like a complete summation of my own existance and of all existance.
As i said in the beggining I had the thoughts and feelings of innocence....all things were interesting and equal. Pleasure and pain....That was me exploring my desires.
Then my fears came....All my fears....of sociaty, of death, of suicide( at one point it seemed that death itself was the most desirable thing period....I should say that I confronted my misuderstanding of reality which is all that fear and desire is.
Desire becomes fear becomes nothingness. Yet until I gave up on my fears and desires I was not realised.....I had to submit my being to my own control completely.
I will probably not do it again for at least a long time.
It basically reaffirmed my beleif that everything under the sun happens in its proper time and place...everything....being enlightened is no better than being simple
and being a promotor of freedom is the same as being a a tryanical man as one could not exist without the other. When cruelty comes kindness apears, when injustice apears justice comes...etc. In other words I am the sacrifice I offer on the alter of myself for myself.

Anyway I my opininios of aya and all other aspects of reality will probably be flutuating a lot for a long time.
but I am still glad I experienced what I experienced.
It was a cleansing thing like what confession is supposed to be for a catholic but brings even more pleasure and pain because its real.
In regards to your question about what I will do
I will simply continue as I see fit which is what I always do and will always do.
 
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