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Hello. My name is Khronos and I'm Human (All Too Human).

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Khronos

Khronos

\m/
Greetings Nexians,

Thank you (really thank you) for the quality information you have made available here. I can testify that by following it carefully (and by listening to my inner voice), my breaking out and through has been the safest, most profound, most bewildering and most healing experience of my life.

As this is meant to be an introductory post, please allow me to introduce myself briefly. I am just another person, with the same hopes and aspirations as anyone else. I love having this chance to exist and be alive, and I am relishing the experience as authentically as I can. Anything apart from that I'll leave for you to ask and judge over time.

Why am I posting this? Why would I like join the Nexus? Something Terrence McKenna said about the Internet immediately comes to mind. The Internet! What an amazing medium for connecting like minded people. I'm sure everyone here understands how difficult it is to meet people who share this particular interest (and sometimes those you do meet... well... uhm... :? ). Society just isn't ready to let go of its fears yet. But we few are in a tremendous position to help change that. By linking up our nodes on the planetary soul-graph via the Internet, perhaps our combined intelligence will help to wash away societal ignorance and impact positive change? Perhaps it already is?

If you've read this, thank you. I look forward to sharing more as time marches on...
-K
 
Thanks Red Cat. Just read your intro... man I salute your courage.

Interestingly, though our backgrounds are different, my psychedelic journey has been inspired by similar motives: a lot of pain and chaos and an ongoing attempt to heal through meditation and genuine spiritual seeking.

I grew up a white kid in the 80s & 90s in South Africa. Apartheid had just started to crumble culminating in the transition to democracy in '94. Growing up, I found the people and society in general brutal, traumatised and full of hate.

I was a sensitive, caring and inquisitive kid, with a lot of potential. But I couldn't respect authorities who, in my eyes, were clearly just full of shit hypocrite tyrants. So I went off the rails early.

I started smoking dope heavily around 14 and soon developed an addictive mindset. In my school years I became a complete scumbag, drinking and drugging to hide from the growing pain inside. By 19 it got so bad that I had become completely addicted to heroin.

But I'm lucky. God. I'm lucky. I had a good family who cared about me. They basically put the squeeze on me and I was forced to make a choice: hit the hard streets of Gauteng, or harden up and get clean. As a 19 year old white boy, the choice was easy. The streets of SA would've torn me a new one (possibly quite literally), so I went cold turkey.

Thereafter the long haul started. Though I didn't have sufficient school results to get into University, the psychologists saw potential in me and it was arranged that I register conditionally for a year after passing some entrance tests.

The condition was that if I got sufficient results I could carry on with regular University studies. This I did and I went on to get a degree in Philosophy and English. At the time I was not totally clean though. As a complete social outcast, I had developed a tormented hold on my heroin habit, indulging in solitary weekend binges when the pressure and isolation became too much.

Then I met a girl. She stole my soul. With her at my side, my H binges slowly subsided and eventually (after 5 years) stopped altogether. She was a rock to me and gave me the grounding to continue studying further (this time in Computer Science). We moved overseas to the UK where I worked as a programmer while I completed my second degree.

Then I lost her and my heart shattered into ten thousand pieces. After 7 years with this beautiful soul, I got complacent and she found someone else. I was left alone, without friends again, facing a meaningless existence in corporate IT as a developer.

So I did something right for once. I said fuck it and quit my job. I packed up my shit and hit the road. Alone. I learned to expose myself to people and accept vulnerability. I met wonderful people and made real friends. I started to meditate rigorously and found my emotions started to blossom and balance.

Despite the positive, subtle effects of daily meditation, I still struggled emotionally and found myself drinking and drugging occasionally when I really didn't want to. That all changed when, by complete chance, I met up with an old friend who spontaneously reintroduced me to psychedelics with some liquid acid (dude, you know who you are, if you ever read this, I fucking love you for that brother!).

I was surprised at how healing the experience was. In a few hours, I worked through a few very important emotional issues and emerged feeling truly healed. I couldn't believe it! My drug drive had been trying to get me here all along! I was just such a numbskull that I kept using the wrong drugs!

And this is where I am now. On my own, personal, authentic, psychedelic journey. I no longer drink. I no longer drug. Finally I'm living a happy life exploring the world deeply in meditation, music, writing, further study (chemistry this time--I wonder why?). I'm still trying to figure out a more conducive form of earning a living, but I want to start a psychedelic society in my area and have tons of inspired ideas which I'll follow when the opportunity arises.

So Red Cat, I believe you made the right decision to approach psychedelics to move beyond ego and to heal. Mushrooms are perfect. I wish you all the best and hope the mushroom spirit opens you up to the realm of the gods!

I guess that was also a better account of my all too human story. Thank you if you took the time to read it. It's very scary for me to share like this. But that's why I do it.

<3
 
Hello Khronos,

Welcome to the Nexus :)

I really enjoyed reading your introductory essay and also your post about your history and personal journey. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I look forward to reading more of your insightful comments and posts.

Love and Peace,

Tranquil.
 
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