I´m not very well with words but I´ll try my best to describe what brougth me here.
I´m a 24 years old male from Germany, currently without a job and with a condition called Depersonalization and Derealisation... not really an illness, more like symptoms of underlying fear. Though it happens so that I´ve been carrying around these for most of my life. Most, because there have been phases, lastly years, where I´ve been very grounded. The last fear years where a steady declince in my psyches condition, my symptoms rose and rose again, untill I again reached a very disconnected state, disconnected from myself and the world, unable to enjoy or merely perceive anything beyond my own thoughts. Strange how hostile everything can seem though one know it is all an illusion.
And yeah, psychdelics... Weed has done a good bit of holding me together the last few years. Wouldn´t theere have been weed my breakdown would have occured way sooner. I was at a very stressfull enviroment in the last few years, working with mentally handicapped, which was ok, but most of my collegues where utter assholes, acting their ego out like there´s no tommorrow. I think this made the derealisation part worse, seeing these poor handicapped fellas getting treated like shit everyday in such a hopeless enviroment... like I said, what held me together was pot mainly.
Then after a year there, when I already had major dp and dr when I look back now, I had my first psychedelic experience, shrooms in Amstedam with a friend. My dp played a major part in that trip, I never really grasped what was happening to me at the time and I ultimately don´t consider it a trip cause I didn´t really pereive what happened.4
Later I tried LSA, and I never forget that feeling when the drug hit me. I said out loud :" Oh my fucking god, this is IT, WHY DIDN`T I DO THIS SOONER?" I had a friend over who also took the drug and he was not feeling anything from it, could tell he was jealous.
It was not just that I was feeling good, it was this feeling of beeing GROUNDED.
Since then I´ve taken LSA multiple times and it just has this profound effect on me that it grounds me to my most inner core, very obvious for others cause I have a very strong aura when I trip on this substance. This revelation, that I still CAN be grounded is what brought me here. I want to further inform myself, what this grounding is that happened during these trips. I´ve had that happen during other trips aswell of course, DMT, Mescaline,MDMA even felt a little bit of this deeply grounding energy on N2o, but just nonowhere near as strong as on LSA. On LSA it was just like my most inner beautiful core was revealed.
I´ve been trying to purchase Ibogaine recently, 250$ and got scammed, maybe it´s possible to write a review of the vendor on this site so others can be warned?
Otherwise I´d like to gather some information on harvesting and growing Iboga plants, since I came to the conclusion that it´s the most helpful in this whole grounding aspect.
Also some chatting with other members who experience depersonalisation or derealisation would be nice, cause currently there´s not much social contact for me around.
Namaste everyone
I´m a 24 years old male from Germany, currently without a job and with a condition called Depersonalization and Derealisation... not really an illness, more like symptoms of underlying fear. Though it happens so that I´ve been carrying around these for most of my life. Most, because there have been phases, lastly years, where I´ve been very grounded. The last fear years where a steady declince in my psyches condition, my symptoms rose and rose again, untill I again reached a very disconnected state, disconnected from myself and the world, unable to enjoy or merely perceive anything beyond my own thoughts. Strange how hostile everything can seem though one know it is all an illusion.
And yeah, psychdelics... Weed has done a good bit of holding me together the last few years. Wouldn´t theere have been weed my breakdown would have occured way sooner. I was at a very stressfull enviroment in the last few years, working with mentally handicapped, which was ok, but most of my collegues where utter assholes, acting their ego out like there´s no tommorrow. I think this made the derealisation part worse, seeing these poor handicapped fellas getting treated like shit everyday in such a hopeless enviroment... like I said, what held me together was pot mainly.
Then after a year there, when I already had major dp and dr when I look back now, I had my first psychedelic experience, shrooms in Amstedam with a friend. My dp played a major part in that trip, I never really grasped what was happening to me at the time and I ultimately don´t consider it a trip cause I didn´t really pereive what happened.4
Later I tried LSA, and I never forget that feeling when the drug hit me. I said out loud :" Oh my fucking god, this is IT, WHY DIDN`T I DO THIS SOONER?" I had a friend over who also took the drug and he was not feeling anything from it, could tell he was jealous.
It was not just that I was feeling good, it was this feeling of beeing GROUNDED.
Since then I´ve taken LSA multiple times and it just has this profound effect on me that it grounds me to my most inner core, very obvious for others cause I have a very strong aura when I trip on this substance. This revelation, that I still CAN be grounded is what brought me here. I want to further inform myself, what this grounding is that happened during these trips. I´ve had that happen during other trips aswell of course, DMT, Mescaline,MDMA even felt a little bit of this deeply grounding energy on N2o, but just nonowhere near as strong as on LSA. On LSA it was just like my most inner beautiful core was revealed.
I´ve been trying to purchase Ibogaine recently, 250$ and got scammed, maybe it´s possible to write a review of the vendor on this site so others can be warned?
Otherwise I´d like to gather some information on harvesting and growing Iboga plants, since I came to the conclusion that it´s the most helpful in this whole grounding aspect.
Also some chatting with other members who experience depersonalisation or derealisation would be nice, cause currently there´s not much social contact for me around.
Namaste everyone