Welcome to the Nexus, baalfight.

I feel that you're on the right track by doing a lot of research. 

Sorry to hear about the somewhat depressing impact of your trip, glad that the overall impact was great though, maybe there is something particular in your life that needs improvement?

Psychedelics in my experience can be a good way to get a quite different perspective, and that might help with the truth you're looking for.

Answers on the other had, I think are more elusive, though DMT is a great way to gain new questions!