geniedog, you're right, programming does change the way you think, and lately it has lead me to believe that I should pursue something more tangible instead...

And tango, nice poem.

So you guys would advise me against trying DMT in my state? What a bummer. Any other ideas as to what I can do here on earth cruising the mundane plane? Have any of you ever had to start from ground zero? not knowing anything about yourself? not being able to enjoy anything? If so and you have subsequently been able to somehow develop yourself as a living functioning fulfilled person among the rest of these people who somehow manage to lead their own lives... to the point where you're deemed fit for DMT mental adventuring... I would really be interested to know how you managed to do such a thing, in detail. Today, like every other day (unlike everyone else, for whom today actually means something as New Year's Eve), I'm going to be alone and at a loss in terms of what to do with myself for the day and hereafter, because I can't fucking stand myself, and I'm always with myself. The only person who's particularly enjoyed my company is my sociopathic ex who raped me anyhow and I've finally quit talking to him. I don't enjoy my own fucking company. I don't know how to relax. Then again, as you might guess, I don't know how to interact with other people either. You don't think I might find some fucking solace in the company of alien beings? does it have to be so bad? Isn't it supposed to be beautiful? Isn't here what's fucking horrible. Maybe I need to be reminded.

Either way all the sites I'm checking are out of MHRB at this time so that plan's on hiatus.