Hello!

[pilotsimone]

After many years studying various religions and the available science on consciousness, I was left feeling empty and frustrated.

Regular meditation has been helpful, but still too slow for my taste as I have this sense of urgency to find the answers soon. So, for the past 6 months I joined my husband (username: physics envy) in the exploration of consciousness using DMT (+1 ayahuasca trip). With 25-30 trips under my belt thus far I am making progress.

Though details are often hard to bring back and understand in the rational mind, I have been wildly successful in learning how consciousness/ego/body works, what happens when I die, and who (non-physical beings) is helping me while I'm here.

There are no answers I cannot find, though sometimes I am steered away from certain subjects. Every thing, every place, and every situation I've ever found myself in is available to re-visit and study. There is no TIME in these realms, so I'm easily taken right back to the very moment I request. For example, I've gone back to childhood incidents several times for healing purposes.

My intention on this forum is simply to share my experiences and help others where I can.

*First post/trip report is HERE.

Thanks!

 

[endlessness]

Welcome to the nexus!

Interesting that you've been finding some answers at least. Personally DMT has only given me more to wonder about, more and more questions, and then I try to find answers to some of these questions in my daily life and with the slower introspection that oral psychedelics allow. And some questions are just not possible to answer, and I accept that and appreciate the Mistery of existence.

How was that ayahuasca trip for you? What about other psychedelics, did you try them?

By the way, im curious regarding using vaporized dmt for regression to childhood memories. Do you mentalize this during the trip, or before? How does it work, do you not see the fractal patterns and only see the memory, or is it a mix of them, or?

 

[phortre55]

Enjoyed your trip report. You seem to be healing from some deep wounds. Is the isolation a common outcome of the journey? Interesting that you end the chatting. I would think you would have a deeper connection to the global consciousness and would want to interact more with others?

 

[Pandora]

Welcome to the Nexus! There's more female members here now than ever and a number of couples, some married (such as my husband Nemo Amicus & myself) and others not (such as Fractal Enchantment & Ms. Manic Minxx).

Sounds like you are on a deeply meaningful and healing path. Welcome to a community that will encourage that growth.

 

[pilotsimone]

By the way, im curious regarding using vaporized dmt for regression to childhood memories. Do you mentalize this during the trip, or before? How does it work, do you not see the fractal patterns and only see the memory, or is it a mix of them, or?

I go through a little ceremony before I start where I clear all energy (except my own) out of my space and envision white light around me. I then set my intention. For example, It is my intention to go back to age 11, the day Thriller hit number one and all hell broke loose in my emotional life.

I would then start the trip, lie down, and eventually be there as my 11-year old self. As I'm there, I just act CURIOUS to get the answers I'm looking for. It's as if I'm able to see the situation for what it really is. Not what I perceived it to be the FIRST time I was here in this timespace. The first time I was in sheer terror, so there was no clarity. This time I am re-living it (if I choose), but from a much higher perspective. I'm learning that the more traumatic the event, the higher the perspective I'm being shown. I suppose, it's so I'm not tortured (emotionally) again.

This particular trip as my 11-year old self wasn't wildly successful. I felt I was steered away and distracted purposely. Perhaps knowing I'm not ready to face it fully yet.

I did have a major childhood sexual trauma come through one time, where I fully re-lived it. ONLY from the highest perspective though. I was being steered away from this one for a bit, but I was very persistent (and insistent) that I be allowed to go back to this timespace. When I realized it was going to happen, that I wasn't being distracted any longer, I was the deepest form of nervous I could be. I thought I would see the faces of the people who hurt me, but I didn't. As I was re-living this event, I saw and felt from my 'higher self' perspective rather than my 3D perspective.

This was probably one of the more moving experiences I've had on DMT because it was so personal. As soon as they started hurting me, I learned the biggest lesson of my life...endless COMPASSION. It was instantaneous, this lesson. I realized it had been a very powerful moment in my life which needed to happen. It prepared me for healing others. When I see how important it really was, I have no problem being grateful for it. Being grateful leads to letting go. It's like a solving one of my 'life puzzles'. It's been a very healing time for me.

Oh, and I do see fractal patterns most times going in, but don't pay too much attention. I've found visuals to be distracting a lot of times. I'm immersed in feelings predominantly. Which has been my way of getting through life (empath). I get information from visuals, but those trips are normally very different than when I'm looking to re-experience childhood memories.

 

[pilotsimone]

Thank you for the welcome, Pandora! Happy to add more feminine energy to the board.

Enjoyed your trip report. You seem to be healing from some deep wounds. Is the isolation a common outcome of the journey? Interesting that you end the chatting. I would think you would have a deeper connection to the global consciousness and would want to interact more with others?

I have been pretty isolated since I started going down this path of transformation (in 2008 ). So my need for isolation has been with me for a while. I’m not sure I’ve done a good job explaining my need for less chatter, probably because I don’t really it understand myself. Let me think on this for a while to see if I can clarify.

Most times I feel very lonely as I go through all of this change, even though my husband is with me observing and holding my hand.

How was that ayahuasca trip for you? What about other psychedelics, did you try them?

I’ve had one mild psilocybin trip where I experienced the beauty and oneness of everything. Salvia (once orally, twice smoked), but didn’t get much out of it. It felt similar to nitrous oxide at the dentist when smoked, I remember. Nothing from it orally because our method wasn’t good and I couldn’t keep it in my mouth long enough.

 

[pilotsimone]

Ayahuasca Trip Report

I set the intention beforehand…

I wanted the medicine to cleanse my body of toxins (as many as could be released) and clear out any remaining energy from old pains and traumas. Most of my (DMT) trips usually address both of these...healing and releasing of old energy.

Over the course of the day, I accomplished a lot. For example, I was able to see my parents in a way that was new. An intimate view focusing on their pain through the years...how much they loved me...how hard they were trying and how good their intentions in all things. I was excited we forged a deeper connection...even if they weren't aware.

I always love insights like these. I basically get to jump into a person's life (at any moment in time) and re-live THEIR experience. What's even more interesting, is my 3D perception of them will often change drastically. Each of them becoming more precious followed by an immense feeling of gratitude!

On a physical level, the experience was certainly harsh at times. Several vomiting episodes, many hours of diarrhea, and an average headache. To be expected, I understood. Also keeping in mind, I requested the purging at the beginning.

For a good portion of the trip, negative thoughts made me VERY sick. Immediately. I was panicked when I couldn't keep them from coming in. I learned quickly.

This thought kept occurring throughout the day… Is this from ayahuasca or is this because I’m in ‘sick mode’? I am known to hallucinate and have good insight when I am very sick. It’s happened several times before and that’s the way this trip went down for me. So, I can’t say for sure…maybe a combination of the two.

Our batch was pretty weak, so I never really entered into auditory or visual hallucination. At least not any more than I normally get when sick. It didn't seem to matter, I had a direct connection to something feeding me information that made everything I put my focus on very, very clear. A successful trip by my standards!

 

[endlessness]

Thank you very much for the extended explanation to my question and also for the report! Its beautiful to read about this very brave and redeeming process you are going through!

All the best to you and your path !

 

[pilotsimone]

Its beautiful to read about this very brave and redeeming process you are going through!

All the best to you and your path !

Thank you! I appreciate it very much.

 

[ragabr]

Welcome to the Nexus, pilotsimone! Very glad to have you around. Thank you for sharing some of your technique and your journeys.