I am sorry for your loss. It's hard to integrate death in a normal civilian lifestyle, and I can't imagine dealing with it in the circumstances you've had to face. Psychedelics (and especially dmt) can open sore spots, but growth occurs. I can understand the hesitance, my roomate was in Iraq for three torus of duty as well, and he is hesitant to take it because "he has a lot of shit going on inside". Proceed however you think is appropriate, but if you have already extracted it yourself, then I think the path is clear. It's not a light decision to extract this stuff by any means.