Help request !!

[Karlugato(lol)]

Hi, I'm Karl and this is my cry 4 help.
My girlfriend and I are both aware of hyperspace and don't want to be.

She was laced with dmt in 2019, went to hyperspace and has not gone back since.

I took acid and saw it all, my only reason for this was because my best friend for my entire life
wanted to see sometime other than this. This was his dream and not mine. I was okay with it because
I thought It's what he wanted but he never made it to hyper space, no matter how hard he tried it
just wouldnt let him in.
in 2022 he killed himself and now I feel lost. What was any of this for?
I find myself laying in my bed only thinking about the loop. (is that what he'd want me to do?)
the loop of life, the loop of thoughts the loop of everything.
I've been like this since my last time taking acid.
Taking dxm(robocough) is the only time i feel human other than that im empty
Ive tried to take my life a few times but it never seems to work.
Please help me I just want to forget.

I know this is kind of retarded but please if anyone knows how to forget please
I'll do anything to just be me again

 

[Voidmatrix]

I am very sorry for your struggles and your loss. Truly.

There are unfortunately no easy answers for your query.

I'll do anything to just be me again

Well, you are still you, it's just that you are not stagnate. Change is constant, and you are no exception to that change. We all change over time. You would've changed regardless. Your physical attributes, your thoughts, your beliefs, etc.

Also, you can't unring a bell. So from here, the only real thing you can do is learn to practice acceptance. We have very little control over what happens to us, but have the agency (to varying degrees) of how we choose respond to what happens to us. Acceptance is a choice that you can make. You'll have to make it repeatedly for a while.

I find myself laying in my bed only thinking about the loop. (is that what he'd want me to do?)
the loop of life, the loop of thoughts the loop of everything.
I've been like this since my last time taking acid.
Taking dxm(robocough) is the only time i feel human other than that im empty
Ive tried to take my life a few times but it never seems to work.

Finally, and I say this with absolutely zero judgment, but you may need some professional help as well. It sounds like severe depression and you're self-medicating in a likely harmful way in order to not feel "empty." A break from psychedelics may also be of some aid to you as well, especially if you've felt this way since the last time doing LSD. Take some time to gather yourself, do the simple things in life for a while. And work towards healing, not forgetting. Healing will make you stronger



One love

 

[Karlugato(lol)]

Thanks g, Ill try

 

[332211]

Karl, take a moment to step back from your inner dialogue and recognize your body. I mean feel your body. Probably the inner dialouge will comment on that and label it somehow negatively. Ignore it. Stay in your body.

Do this as often as possible, it will ground you in the present moment.

Then, get a copy of "The Power Of Now" read it and get a good grip on what Tolle calls "resistance".

There's two ways of percieving the world: Through your mind (the voice in your head) and through another, bigger and more peaceful way. This can't be expressed in words, because words are not its domain. The book will give you all the hints you need.

Good luck and keep this in mind: The only moment you have, is this one.

 

[Loveall]

Get professional help please.

 

[Pandora]

Karlugato(lol),

I am so sorry you are feeling all of this. I suspect that it would have eventually caught up with you.

First and foremost if you are thinking of harming yourself please reach out for help. If you literally have no resources, go to a hospital Emergency Room and ask them for help. That is what they are there for. Not to judge or stigmatize you but to help you on the worst days of your life.

I don't know you and I didn't know your friend but I do know depressive states and suicidal thoughts are time limited. Therefore I suspect that TODAY your friend would want you to LIVE, not get stuck in loops, remember him and spread any good messages or actions within his life forward, never hesitating to mention his name and keep his memory alive. I highly doubt, whoever he was, that he would want you to get stuck in a depressive loop.

Our pasts are filled with trauma and joy. And the fact of the matter is, there really is not much we can do about that. Trust me, I wish I could go back but there is no way. So, we must move forward.

I would encourage you to QUIT taking drugs (just temporarily - until you feel a bit more stable). There is a chance that if you sober up the loopy thinking will back off a bit. Get outside, get into nature, take a hike. Start a project, take extra shifts at work, take on an extra class at school, volunteer in your community. Keep busy. Stay sober. Journal about your friend and your feelings.

That's about all this old woman has. I hope you find clarity and a modicum of personal healing and I hope you will give the process the time it deserves.

This was written with caring and concern.

-Pandora