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hermit forest creature thing

thymamai

thymamai

Esteemed member
hey

ive been here (the account here) for some time. and ive had my heres and theres i suppose. ive talked some [hocus pocus] once or twice too.. but im not sure ive ever properly introduced myself. no i mustve.. im just not remembering.

i wandered in around 2012 when i intentions grew to try some big boy steps..

it was a simple thing really. passed out for some hours sick as a dog and sensing that id gone just a pinch under breakthrough, i laid there and waited for the unlife to subside.

as the years go by though, ever since, its almost as though thats been the trip. all along. afterwords. like life has only grown steeper, wilder, and wierder.. ever since.

weirder still im realizing, sometimes. every now and again. that i just dont feel my age? i feel old as f***, man. and its whatever but indefinitely dont feel like i belong, most everywhere i go to work.

the first year was the most interesting, and then the second, and third even more.. i seemed to invite everything, exponentially, in terms of scope. then i started slowing down.

my travels stopped. mostly.

im not ashamed of asking this here because i know there are those of you thatve passed through here that can/could relate but; what are we supposed to do after some years? i.. quite honestly.. feel like i might just know everything there is to know.. and while this is perfectly fine.. i still cant help but feel tired and well, lazy.

yeah. lazy, tired. old.

and is there anyone here that can relate? i need you in my life man. sorry not sorry

rob
 
I have moments of feeling like: yeah – been there, done that – who cares? When two of my grandparents were well into their 90s, they both said to me, in their own ways: I don't know why I'm still here – I'm ready to go – I've done everything I can with this life.

Since I've reached most of my goals, the only thing I can do is create more goals. Study alchemy; brew beer; distill absinthe... and when all else fails, I go for a hike with my dog. Nature renews me.
 
psychedelics
thymamai said:
the first year was the most interesting, and then the second, and third even more.. i seemed to invite everything, exponentially, in terms of scope. then i started slowing down.

my travels stopped. mostly.
Click to expand...
Why? Was it inevitable in your estimation? When did you realize this? curious
 
thymamai said:
im not ashamed of asking this here because i know there are those of you thatve passed through here that can/could relate but; what are we supposed to do after some years? i.. quite honestly.. feel like i might just know everything there is to know.. and while this is perfectly fine.. i still cant help but feel tired and well, lazy.
Click to expand...
I can only share my own perspective:

This idea that you know something is an illusion. Our ego uses every trick available to maintain itself and survive. Psychedelics are usually seen by it as a threat, and they often disappear from people's lives. Only a few very troubled souls continue their quests. For them, these medicines are like air for a drowning man. You can apply the same reasoning to other aspects of human lives, like spirituality or exercise. "Ego" is a nice word, but it simply means the self. It likes comfort zones it creates in order to maintain itself. Seeing that it is just a prison is very painful, so most never look that way.

The quest is unending. If you just wanted to heal some minor issues or existential angst, a short period of intensive medicine work can do it. However, if your questions run deep and you want to truly know or have some substantial psychological problems, your work could last a lifetime. I questioned my use a few times and decided that medicine is part of me at this point. It is not even about some kind of healing or quest anymore; it is a relationship. To each his own, I guess.

Much love ❤️
 
Exitwound said:
same shit as always (chop wood, carry water, fight the lazy, or don't)

I don't think we are supposed to do anything, just be
Click to expand...
Here is someone who knows something! Oh, my bad 🤦‍♂️
Here is someone who knows nothing!

Just Be...

❤️🙏

(I was in a very comic mood at the moment of writing; it is just a joke with only good intentions behind it)
 
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Pumpy said:
psychedelics

Why? Was it inevitable in your estimation? When did you realize this? curious
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would love to answer this but im not sure what youre asking exactly..?

if you elaborate im, ofc, more than happy to share the best i can.

or.. wait. i see it now.

well these were my 20’s. so yes, actually it was probably inevitable ..it was going to be tumultuous either way. but at the same time i dont think quite as much, bc my mind in retrospect was different. or not my psyche, not at all, the integrity of that was fine. i suppose i mean my intentions — with what i wanted from life at the time — were so subtly changed that it only grew over time.

thats.. not easy to follow sorry. in a word, it wasnt a sudden thing. very subtle. id felt the presence of a loving mother-like universe. (i dont say entity bc it was somehow a broader and more nebulous thing than any sort of being i can think of, and yet again i only say universe for lack of a better word — i dont really feel like the universe as we call whatever we are calling that is really quite conscious in this way either)

loving, mother-like energy, then, that id felt; and it opened me. like a nut, a fruit, seedpod, whatever.. it opened not only my mind to myself and all that lay before me but my heart. and my heart especially.

to say whatall i did objectively in bullet points wouldnt be saying anything. bc it was in the change in my interactions with people, as well as the thirst i had for more of it. more new people to talk to and as many and muchly as possible. that would take books to really thresh out so that itd be clear to swim.

was it inevitable that i eventually slowed down, yes, bc living outside for ten years takes its toll on body and mind. and the same lifestyle gets old finally, as well. i kind of just began to grow out of that demographic of.. mindsets and aesthetic orientation. a crude way to put it but itll have to do.

somewhat, at least. i still have one foot in freight. and that one will never leave.
 
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northape said:
I can only share my own perspective:

This idea that you know something is an illusion. Our ego uses every trick available to maintain itself and survive. Psychedelics are usually seen by it as a threat, and they often disappear from people's lives. Only a few very troubled souls continue their quests. For them, these medicines are like air for a drowning man. You can apply the same reasoning to other aspects of human lives, like spirituality or exercise. "Ego" is a nice word, but it simply means the self. It likes comfort zones it creates in order to maintain itself. Seeing that it is just a prison is very painful, so most never look that way.

The quest is unending. If you just wanted to heal some minor issues or existential angst, a short period of intensive medicine work can do it. However, if your questions run deep and you want to truly know or have some substantial psychological problems, your work could last a lifetime. I questioned my use a few times and decided that medicine is part of me at this point. It is not even about some kind of healing or quest anymore; it is a relationship. To each his own, I guess.

Much love ❤️
Click to expand...

all due respect (there must be a less fecetious way of putting that in the english language, bc i dont mean it like that. i hear you) but

i think it ought to be ok to know, just a little. the english language, for example. at which.. i am always finding, every day, myself personally still inefficient. every day.

i have questions for you sir. going to take me a little bit, but hol the phon

<3
 
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Exitwound said:
same shit as always (chop wood, carry water, fight the lazy, or don't)

I don't think we are supposed to do anything, just be
Click to expand...
i agree and disagree. makes no difference, what we do. i suppose maybe i was asking instead without asking what do i make of all this.
 
TheGreenPhantom said:
Oooh! I didn't know there was an absinthe thread here! I'm really looking forward to pissing off my wife with maceration jars and maybe a still in the spare bedroom...! (Only fair – she's taken over the kitchen!)
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roughly 10 years ago now i came across a bar called the lovecraft

(yeah)

ive seen one or two cooler than this so dont get me wrong it wasnt special.. but at the bar there they served me both captain crunch cereal and all the absinthe i felt like, while some dj played only 80s requests.

no story. just one about the absinthe; few bars ive uncovered since serve it.

its kind of like finding genuine mezcal. a precious few venues

we are talking strictly alcohol here lol. sorry to end it like that
 
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