twattlehead
Rising Star
I'll tell my story or part of it. I'll start by saying, until maybe 2 months ago, I had no intention of ever doing dmt, too scary, despite frequent psy use before and since, so I guess this is a story of how I changed my mind.
I had some acid experiences in the 90's when I was in my early 20's. These started well and ended badly, largely from me thinking I could trip my way back to mental health. No, that didn't work and I gave up psys until about 3 years ago. I think of the years in between as a long semi recovery process, 100 steps forward, 99 steps back type thing.
So finally, nearly 20 years after my first acid experience I decided to use first mdma then acid again. Mdma fell by the wayside but acid quickly became a weekly recreational thing, smallish doses around 70-100ug but I enjoyed the hell out of this and did it for a couple years, also introducing other psys, mainly 2cx and dox. Then mixing nitrous with all of them, and weed ofc. Lots of good times, but almost all in the recreational realms.
Then a few months ago I got onto some ketamine. My main interest in this was, since it's a disso, to use it in the same way I use nitrous, to enhance acid, or to let acid enhance the disso. That didn't go well at first, too debilitating, so I started using ket by itself. Generally acid and nitrous one day and ket the next night. I did this for a couple months and got very into k holing. This is despite never really getting anything out of it except beautiful imagery and blissful feelings. Lots of fluffy revelations too but I either couldn't remember or couldn't make sense of it when straight.
Ket was starting to feel like a dead end when I finally remembered why I got the ket, to combine with acid. And so I finally did this, having a better idea of how to go about it because of my recent k hole experiences. Ie, doing it in bed at the end of an acid trip. I had several far more intense and seemingly more useful k holes while on acid, and finally felt ready to accept the dmt when it became available. Also contributing to this decision was listening to hundreds of hours of mckenna talks, many which I found inspiring. They encouraged me to at least try dmt and bigger doses of shrooms. I suspect his words were also partly to thank for the visuals on my first breakthrough experience.
This was about 6 weeks ago. Despite doing a fair bit of reading on erowid and elsewhere, I stumbled and fumbled around with dmt in a uncaring, blase fashion that is a bit horrifying to me now. I finally did get my first dmt breakthrough experience. I could write pages about that but in brief, the dose, set and setting, by chance, were perfect. I was launched into the machine elf greeting hall almost exactly as mckenna described it, though it didn't seem that way at the time. It was scary and when these faberge egg looking things came rushing up to me I was still in shock at the unique visuals and mode of connection to my brain. I brushed the entities away and tried to back off a bit. Next I was being led through passages, into the bowels of the elf palace.
At some point a brief audio glimpse of the "real" world came through and I heard soft music playing in the background. My music. I said, "guys, I play guitar, this is my music". We came to a sudden stop and did a sharp left turn.
Next I was in a room, or more like a cave with an entity and between us, a machine with loose hanging cables. The entity made it clear it wanted me to do something. I shrugged, not knowing what it wanted. It gestured again and this time I thought fug it, I'll reach out and touch the machine....
The vision ended before I touched it, but maybe the acceptance of the offer was all that was required. A bit disappointing but overall an incredible experience. I finally got to sleep and had normal seeming dreams from which I woke at regular intervals hearing glossolalia. This seemed to be a translation of what was happening in my dream, pretty cool I thought. This happened at least 5 times during that night.
2 days later I was doing my usual weekly acid/ket celebrating the end of the week thing. These are always good recreational times with lots of laughing. Laughter may not be the best medicine, but it's a good one I think. I think of it as giving my brain a bubble bath. When the time came to do ket, I eventually wound up with a bunch of fairly cartoonish entities. Just seeing entities on ket was a first time thing. It was a gathering where my ketamine entity host introduced me to a dude. This dude happened to have a head like a cube of dmt space. As soon as I realized what I was seeing, I was sucked inside. Briefly, but enough to know that it was indeed the dmt world, albeit a kind of muted, less impactful version of it.
Since the mood of the gathering was party like and friendly, when I was released from dmt guys head, I tried to say something like, "hey man, good to see you again, I had a great time the other night...". What came out instead was a stream of glossolalia, my first out loud expression of glossolalia and addressed to the dmt entity. My ket guide explained that we're all connected and that we're all on the same journey together. The shock and joy with a dash of absurdity of this message had me laughing hysterically. More glossolalia ensued, as well as lots more laughing, talking and singing in an irish brogue, making up silly rhymes and generally having a great time. The best time I'd ever had on ket to that point tbh. And I've been able to do glossolalia at will since then, though it often feels like a pale imitation of the dmt and ket induced version.
This brings me to about 3 weeks ago when I decided I was ready for my second real dmt breakthrough. I'd had a couple other relatively minor dmt experiences that involved entity contact and attempted communication, but were definitely on the lower end intensity wise.
Looking back, I made 2 mistakes here. The first was figuring out the dose I would need based on the approximate amount of the first breakthrough dose I actually inhaled. I figured this was around 25mg. So I weighed up 25mg and slammed it hard. This was a mistake since on the first breakthrough experience, I inhaled very slowly and I got to a point before finishing inhaling where my brain said, "STOP". I stopped and got the perfect dose, though wasting some smoke in the process. This time I thought I knew the perfect dose so I slammed as fast as I could and ran to bed. Ie too fast for my brain to say "stop".
Within 5 seconds of starting inhaling I was in bed and it hit like a freight train between my eyes. Criss crossing chequered flags and the crunchy cellophane noise, as I understand it, the "you are here" message. Then a vision of another flag. Hmm, this must be the symbol for the place I'm about to go to.
Then I'm there. No elf hall this. In short it appeared to be a barely recognizable version of our own reality, me sitting on a park bench seeing people walk by, trees, buildings. Only I wasn't seeing it in visible light but in the entire (maybe) spectrum from 1hz to 1 trillion ghz. A massive visual overload. There's too much to remember but one thing that stood out was that people had horizontal bands of energy emanating from them (auras?). As did groups of people. Bands of energy came out of the ground. Other kinds of bands and fields of energy all around. Some of these intersected without interacting. Other interacted visibly, throwing off other visible energies where they intersected. This is the main thing I remember but there was a multitude of other interactions going on too.
After gaping at all this for some undetermined amount of time and realising that while the background image was changing, the type of perception wasn't changing and it began to occur to me that I might be stuck here. That I'm going to be wheeled out in a straightjacket and taken to the place where they scoop out part of my brain and I get left as a drooling vegetable in a wheelchair for the rest of my hopefully short life.
It was traumatic, that worst fear came, "holy fuck, I finally did it, went too far and I'm never coming back". But that brought on the thought of, "hey wait a sec, did I do a drug?! What drug, I don't remember doing a drug..."
That was the way out though it seems because next I had calmed down a bit but still wanted out and so said out loud, "hey guys, please stop, that's enough, please take me back in one piece". Within a minute I could see my hand waving in front of my face and bits of my room were starting to reappear.
"THANK FUCK I'M NOT DEAD!" was my first thought. I was sure I could never do dmt again, too harsh, too extreme, too scary. Funnily enough, that wore off within an hour or so. And after lying in bed for 3 hours thinking about what it was and what it meant, my opinion had changed to ofc I'll do it again, just with a much smaller dose.
I'll briefly go through the possibilities for what I think the vision meant. My first thought was that, since I'd been thinking about filters a lot, thinking that unlike shrooms and ket which seem to have all sorts of things added and taken away by filtering parts of my brain before the visions get seen, dmt is an unfiltered experience, you see what's there. This visuals purpose might have been to show me how wrong I was, showing me that in fact, this is what your reality looks like unfiltered, forget about ours, just look at your own.
The 2nd and most attractive option was that we all have the ability, the hardware to perceive a much fuller reality here. But the switch is turned off purely because it uses a huge amount of energy to process this info. I'm basing this on the fact I was starving after the trip. I ate, but was still starving all the next day despite doing nothing physical at all and it was protein I was starving for, like gimme a steak the size of a toilet seat. Not great since I'm vegetarian.
The 3rd option is neither of the above are true and this seems most likely.
A couple days later, I was getting ready for the usual acid/ket thing, weighing up the ket doses in advance and found, to my horror, or shock or something, that the mode button on my scales had been pressed, it was measuring in oz not grams. Ie the previous dmt dose I weighed and reweighed (because it looked like a lot) and was sure was 25mg, was actually 75mg. This blew my mind ofc and I still don't know what to think of it. It feels like that info should have come as a relief but it didn't. The simple explanation is I bumped the mode button myself, though I'd swear I've never touched it. This could break down to I was mentally raped by my own stupidity. But what's the other option? The faeries did it? In any case it seems like the kind of mistake I won't be making again.
Anyway, another fun acid/ket time though I went very gently with the ket, not wanting to be thrown back into the scary dmt world. Interestingly, while I just took enough to hole, there was no dmt reference and very few visuals at all, just pure bliss. I could have taken heroin for all I know.
A few days later it was time for my next dmt experience. Feeling somewhat burned but still wanting some contact, I did a low dose and saw the chrysanthemum but it stayed closed and I stayed outside the fence seeing a huge lively carnival, rides and such from a couple blocks away. My reality didn't cave in, everything was just how I wanted it actually, a mild experience just to let me know everything's still ok.
Again a couple days later, acid/ket again. This time on acid I spent a lot of time thinking about the big dmt trip and realizing that I felt traumatised. That despite my certainty that dmt has a lot more great stuff to show and teach me, I felt too scared to go back. Nearly 2 weeks after the big trip, this was a disappointing revelation to have, but it made me realize I had never been completely ok with that experience, I just wanted to be ok with it.
So, ket time. It seemed to take me inside my own head this time. Wonderful sights and revelations ensued but the main one came when I was led to a place where the glossolalia started to flow and flow in this kind of pristine way it hadn't done before, chanting, sometimes almost singing, including a larger vocab. I got into my meditation position and let loose with long strings of glossolalia which became visible as sheets of energy flowing from my hands. My hands felt the urge to move in a dancing fashion over an orb that became visible. So I was singing these small strands or sheets of energy into existence. They became visible through my hand dancing, where I placed and manipulated them onto the orb. This was a beautiful process to watch and incredibly enjoyable to perform, better than sex dare I say it.
So of a 2hr k hole, maybe half an hour was spent singing over the orb. At the time I thought it was like a beautiful song and dance routine but with no real meaning like a lot of ket imagery. I eventually slept and the next day when I woke and spent more hours thinking about it, I realized the "ptsd", the trauma from the big dmt trip was no longer a thing, that the ket induced song and dance was me healing myself.
Well, maybe.
So anyway, hello! I expect I'm coming off as a complete dmt noob, because I am! Critiques of the way I went about things would be appreciated.
I have many questions but I'll start with what thoughts do you have on ketamine as it relates to understanding dmt experiences? I have read several ket threads here, including this informative one: Your honest feelings regarding Ketamine. - Other Psychoactives - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus. I'll be honest and say the amount of negative thoughts and experiences with ket makes me sad. In my experience, ket is (or can be) love in powder form. At least when it's combined with acid.
I'm not quite ready to combine ket (or anything else) with dmt though, partly because it seems useful to do ket after the dmt experience has stewed in my brain for a couple days, and partly because I don't want to risk breaking the synergy that seems to exist for me atm. Especially its affinity for the glossolalia that dmt gave me.
One last question. As I said, I've taken in tons of mckenna in the last few weeks. I know parts of his shtick are for entertainment purposes only, novelty theory and timewave zero for instance. And that he didn't practise what he preached, at least when it came to shrooms. But are there other mckenna things I should unlearn? Any recs for other gifted speakers on psy matters?
I had some acid experiences in the 90's when I was in my early 20's. These started well and ended badly, largely from me thinking I could trip my way back to mental health. No, that didn't work and I gave up psys until about 3 years ago. I think of the years in between as a long semi recovery process, 100 steps forward, 99 steps back type thing.
So finally, nearly 20 years after my first acid experience I decided to use first mdma then acid again. Mdma fell by the wayside but acid quickly became a weekly recreational thing, smallish doses around 70-100ug but I enjoyed the hell out of this and did it for a couple years, also introducing other psys, mainly 2cx and dox. Then mixing nitrous with all of them, and weed ofc. Lots of good times, but almost all in the recreational realms.
Then a few months ago I got onto some ketamine. My main interest in this was, since it's a disso, to use it in the same way I use nitrous, to enhance acid, or to let acid enhance the disso. That didn't go well at first, too debilitating, so I started using ket by itself. Generally acid and nitrous one day and ket the next night. I did this for a couple months and got very into k holing. This is despite never really getting anything out of it except beautiful imagery and blissful feelings. Lots of fluffy revelations too but I either couldn't remember or couldn't make sense of it when straight.
Ket was starting to feel like a dead end when I finally remembered why I got the ket, to combine with acid. And so I finally did this, having a better idea of how to go about it because of my recent k hole experiences. Ie, doing it in bed at the end of an acid trip. I had several far more intense and seemingly more useful k holes while on acid, and finally felt ready to accept the dmt when it became available. Also contributing to this decision was listening to hundreds of hours of mckenna talks, many which I found inspiring. They encouraged me to at least try dmt and bigger doses of shrooms. I suspect his words were also partly to thank for the visuals on my first breakthrough experience.
This was about 6 weeks ago. Despite doing a fair bit of reading on erowid and elsewhere, I stumbled and fumbled around with dmt in a uncaring, blase fashion that is a bit horrifying to me now. I finally did get my first dmt breakthrough experience. I could write pages about that but in brief, the dose, set and setting, by chance, were perfect. I was launched into the machine elf greeting hall almost exactly as mckenna described it, though it didn't seem that way at the time. It was scary and when these faberge egg looking things came rushing up to me I was still in shock at the unique visuals and mode of connection to my brain. I brushed the entities away and tried to back off a bit. Next I was being led through passages, into the bowels of the elf palace.
At some point a brief audio glimpse of the "real" world came through and I heard soft music playing in the background. My music. I said, "guys, I play guitar, this is my music". We came to a sudden stop and did a sharp left turn.
Next I was in a room, or more like a cave with an entity and between us, a machine with loose hanging cables. The entity made it clear it wanted me to do something. I shrugged, not knowing what it wanted. It gestured again and this time I thought fug it, I'll reach out and touch the machine....
The vision ended before I touched it, but maybe the acceptance of the offer was all that was required. A bit disappointing but overall an incredible experience. I finally got to sleep and had normal seeming dreams from which I woke at regular intervals hearing glossolalia. This seemed to be a translation of what was happening in my dream, pretty cool I thought. This happened at least 5 times during that night.
2 days later I was doing my usual weekly acid/ket celebrating the end of the week thing. These are always good recreational times with lots of laughing. Laughter may not be the best medicine, but it's a good one I think. I think of it as giving my brain a bubble bath. When the time came to do ket, I eventually wound up with a bunch of fairly cartoonish entities. Just seeing entities on ket was a first time thing. It was a gathering where my ketamine entity host introduced me to a dude. This dude happened to have a head like a cube of dmt space. As soon as I realized what I was seeing, I was sucked inside. Briefly, but enough to know that it was indeed the dmt world, albeit a kind of muted, less impactful version of it.
Since the mood of the gathering was party like and friendly, when I was released from dmt guys head, I tried to say something like, "hey man, good to see you again, I had a great time the other night...". What came out instead was a stream of glossolalia, my first out loud expression of glossolalia and addressed to the dmt entity. My ket guide explained that we're all connected and that we're all on the same journey together. The shock and joy with a dash of absurdity of this message had me laughing hysterically. More glossolalia ensued, as well as lots more laughing, talking and singing in an irish brogue, making up silly rhymes and generally having a great time. The best time I'd ever had on ket to that point tbh. And I've been able to do glossolalia at will since then, though it often feels like a pale imitation of the dmt and ket induced version.
This brings me to about 3 weeks ago when I decided I was ready for my second real dmt breakthrough. I'd had a couple other relatively minor dmt experiences that involved entity contact and attempted communication, but were definitely on the lower end intensity wise.
Looking back, I made 2 mistakes here. The first was figuring out the dose I would need based on the approximate amount of the first breakthrough dose I actually inhaled. I figured this was around 25mg. So I weighed up 25mg and slammed it hard. This was a mistake since on the first breakthrough experience, I inhaled very slowly and I got to a point before finishing inhaling where my brain said, "STOP". I stopped and got the perfect dose, though wasting some smoke in the process. This time I thought I knew the perfect dose so I slammed as fast as I could and ran to bed. Ie too fast for my brain to say "stop".
Within 5 seconds of starting inhaling I was in bed and it hit like a freight train between my eyes. Criss crossing chequered flags and the crunchy cellophane noise, as I understand it, the "you are here" message. Then a vision of another flag. Hmm, this must be the symbol for the place I'm about to go to.
Then I'm there. No elf hall this. In short it appeared to be a barely recognizable version of our own reality, me sitting on a park bench seeing people walk by, trees, buildings. Only I wasn't seeing it in visible light but in the entire (maybe) spectrum from 1hz to 1 trillion ghz. A massive visual overload. There's too much to remember but one thing that stood out was that people had horizontal bands of energy emanating from them (auras?). As did groups of people. Bands of energy came out of the ground. Other kinds of bands and fields of energy all around. Some of these intersected without interacting. Other interacted visibly, throwing off other visible energies where they intersected. This is the main thing I remember but there was a multitude of other interactions going on too.
After gaping at all this for some undetermined amount of time and realising that while the background image was changing, the type of perception wasn't changing and it began to occur to me that I might be stuck here. That I'm going to be wheeled out in a straightjacket and taken to the place where they scoop out part of my brain and I get left as a drooling vegetable in a wheelchair for the rest of my hopefully short life.
It was traumatic, that worst fear came, "holy fuck, I finally did it, went too far and I'm never coming back". But that brought on the thought of, "hey wait a sec, did I do a drug?! What drug, I don't remember doing a drug..."
That was the way out though it seems because next I had calmed down a bit but still wanted out and so said out loud, "hey guys, please stop, that's enough, please take me back in one piece". Within a minute I could see my hand waving in front of my face and bits of my room were starting to reappear.
"THANK FUCK I'M NOT DEAD!" was my first thought. I was sure I could never do dmt again, too harsh, too extreme, too scary. Funnily enough, that wore off within an hour or so. And after lying in bed for 3 hours thinking about what it was and what it meant, my opinion had changed to ofc I'll do it again, just with a much smaller dose.
I'll briefly go through the possibilities for what I think the vision meant. My first thought was that, since I'd been thinking about filters a lot, thinking that unlike shrooms and ket which seem to have all sorts of things added and taken away by filtering parts of my brain before the visions get seen, dmt is an unfiltered experience, you see what's there. This visuals purpose might have been to show me how wrong I was, showing me that in fact, this is what your reality looks like unfiltered, forget about ours, just look at your own.
The 2nd and most attractive option was that we all have the ability, the hardware to perceive a much fuller reality here. But the switch is turned off purely because it uses a huge amount of energy to process this info. I'm basing this on the fact I was starving after the trip. I ate, but was still starving all the next day despite doing nothing physical at all and it was protein I was starving for, like gimme a steak the size of a toilet seat. Not great since I'm vegetarian.
The 3rd option is neither of the above are true and this seems most likely.
A couple days later, I was getting ready for the usual acid/ket thing, weighing up the ket doses in advance and found, to my horror, or shock or something, that the mode button on my scales had been pressed, it was measuring in oz not grams. Ie the previous dmt dose I weighed and reweighed (because it looked like a lot) and was sure was 25mg, was actually 75mg. This blew my mind ofc and I still don't know what to think of it. It feels like that info should have come as a relief but it didn't. The simple explanation is I bumped the mode button myself, though I'd swear I've never touched it. This could break down to I was mentally raped by my own stupidity. But what's the other option? The faeries did it? In any case it seems like the kind of mistake I won't be making again.
Anyway, another fun acid/ket time though I went very gently with the ket, not wanting to be thrown back into the scary dmt world. Interestingly, while I just took enough to hole, there was no dmt reference and very few visuals at all, just pure bliss. I could have taken heroin for all I know.
A few days later it was time for my next dmt experience. Feeling somewhat burned but still wanting some contact, I did a low dose and saw the chrysanthemum but it stayed closed and I stayed outside the fence seeing a huge lively carnival, rides and such from a couple blocks away. My reality didn't cave in, everything was just how I wanted it actually, a mild experience just to let me know everything's still ok.
Again a couple days later, acid/ket again. This time on acid I spent a lot of time thinking about the big dmt trip and realizing that I felt traumatised. That despite my certainty that dmt has a lot more great stuff to show and teach me, I felt too scared to go back. Nearly 2 weeks after the big trip, this was a disappointing revelation to have, but it made me realize I had never been completely ok with that experience, I just wanted to be ok with it.
So, ket time. It seemed to take me inside my own head this time. Wonderful sights and revelations ensued but the main one came when I was led to a place where the glossolalia started to flow and flow in this kind of pristine way it hadn't done before, chanting, sometimes almost singing, including a larger vocab. I got into my meditation position and let loose with long strings of glossolalia which became visible as sheets of energy flowing from my hands. My hands felt the urge to move in a dancing fashion over an orb that became visible. So I was singing these small strands or sheets of energy into existence. They became visible through my hand dancing, where I placed and manipulated them onto the orb. This was a beautiful process to watch and incredibly enjoyable to perform, better than sex dare I say it.
So of a 2hr k hole, maybe half an hour was spent singing over the orb. At the time I thought it was like a beautiful song and dance routine but with no real meaning like a lot of ket imagery. I eventually slept and the next day when I woke and spent more hours thinking about it, I realized the "ptsd", the trauma from the big dmt trip was no longer a thing, that the ket induced song and dance was me healing myself.
Well, maybe.
So anyway, hello! I expect I'm coming off as a complete dmt noob, because I am! Critiques of the way I went about things would be appreciated.
I have many questions but I'll start with what thoughts do you have on ketamine as it relates to understanding dmt experiences? I have read several ket threads here, including this informative one: Your honest feelings regarding Ketamine. - Other Psychoactives - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus. I'll be honest and say the amount of negative thoughts and experiences with ket makes me sad. In my experience, ket is (or can be) love in powder form. At least when it's combined with acid.
I'm not quite ready to combine ket (or anything else) with dmt though, partly because it seems useful to do ket after the dmt experience has stewed in my brain for a couple days, and partly because I don't want to risk breaking the synergy that seems to exist for me atm. Especially its affinity for the glossolalia that dmt gave me.
One last question. As I said, I've taken in tons of mckenna in the last few weeks. I know parts of his shtick are for entertainment purposes only, novelty theory and timewave zero for instance. And that he didn't practise what he preached, at least when it came to shrooms. But are there other mckenna things I should unlearn? Any recs for other gifted speakers on psy matters?
