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Hi everyone. NOOB here!

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Bishibashiboshi

Bishibashiboshi

Rising Star
Hi everyone.
This is my very first post, and last night was my very first experience with DMT/spice (I personally find the term Deemsters to be quite a condescending term to such an amazing chemical).

First, some background about me.
I have suffered from quite severe anxiety and depression for more than 3 years after I suffered a psychotic breakdown brought on in part by my ridiculous intake of phenethylamines and stimulants, and brought on by my circle of close friends' relationship dissolving. It's a long story.

I have visited doctors multiple times and do not feel that the plethora of drugs they prescribed worked. I developed an addiction to benzodiazepines, which resulted in yet more psychotic symptoms during my withdrawal phases. I now have a deep resentment towards the medical profession when it comes to mental health and their treatment of patients. My family thought I wouldn't make it through last year.

I have always been agnostic and the last 3 years has really made me question the existence of a higher being.

Now let me just say that I have been fascinated by DMT ever since I saw a documentary around 15 years ago. After reading about it and how it can aid depression and anxiety my interest was piqued.

A couple of days ago a contact I made managed to source some DMT for me (quite out of the blue).

This is my account of what happened last night. There was no sitter present, my room was in darkness save for my TV playing my favourite (wait for it) Shpongle track 'Once Upon The Sea Of Blissful Awareness' on loop quietly.

I constructed a makeshift pipe, put around 30mg into the pipe, humbly asked DMT to 'show me' and took a long, slow hit. As I was holding my breath I heard the ringing that multiple people have reported as it gradually got louder and louder. The music on my television started to sound stuttered and completely alien to me, the room began to morph amazingly in the most indescribable fashion. I just managed to set the pipe and lighter down as I exhaled and lay back on my bed and closed my eyes.

My last conscious thought was to go with it.

BANG! An amazing white light graced me and I seemed to be soaring towards it. It felt as though I blacked out and I opened my eyes, however I'm not actually sure if they were open or not. I just saw the most amazing patterns and something said 'You wanted me to show you, then here I am, do not be afraid', I was then showered with the most intense, loving feeling that I have ever felt in my life. Not the empathic, loving feeling you get with MDMA or aMT or the like, but love from something. It most definitely had a feminine overtone, like a mother. It reassured me that I would be okay and embraced my very soul.

As I opened my eyes my entire room and body was dancing with energy to the chorus of the music and I just broke down into tears, whispering 'thank you' repeatedly.

I don't know how long I was 'gone'.

This, I believe is a small dose. But it has had a monumental impact on me. This only happened last night!

For one, I now know that God, Mother Nature, Gaia is very real and that they are one and the same. I know this! They are also many, many different things. I also know that they are around me at all times, and it is a very comforting feeling.

There is energy all around us and in us.

Already I want to drink less and now feel confident that I can summon up the determination to do just that! I am thankful for the first time in years to be alive!

Quite simply the most jaw dropping, unfathomably astounding thing I have ever experienced. I perhaps did not have a breakthrough, but I definitely have an inkling of the sheer power of this beautiful, life saving substance.

I know this all sounds cliched and the like, but my world has truly been rocked. It is an amazing realisation to know that God exists!

Anyway, I'm still trying to get my head around this, so hello to everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this and thanks for the amazing forum!
 
I'm a noob here too, Bishibashiboshi.

Wow, I'm glad you received healing from this psychedelic. I feel that I've been lifted from despair by it as well. May your journey lead you to improved physical, mental, and spiritual health.
 
Hi, Mustelid and DeMenTed. Thanks for the warm welcome :) Today is the first day In years that I have woken up and felt refreshed! I could easily sleep for 16 hours beforehand and still feel completely drained.

Also, I am still feeling anxious but I cast my mind back to the other evening and look out the window and even though it's a typical dull day outside, I get an uplifting feeling. It's remarkable.

I told my two best friends of my experience and they're amazed, especially when I spoke about feeling a divine presence and how I received a 'hug from Mother Nature'! Haha! The good thing is, they asked me if they would like DMT and as they are still quite party hard, I more or less told them yes, if they went into it with the right intentions and not to get high or for a laugh, because as you all understand the chemical will probably kick your arse for holding such an attitude. Still, I do not intend to share the rest of my DMT with them.

Mustelid, thank you so much your kind words. I do think that I am at a turning point and have a new found strength within me. I am by no means 'cured'. But my perspective has changed. There are people far worse than me and part of my problem is feeling sorry for myself! I know that constant panic attacks can be horrendous and debilitating, and they caused me to get even more depressed. But I need to look at the bigger picture. I won't see eye to eye with everyone and shouldn't spend my life worrying what people think of me, because I have seen things and did things that would shatter them. Especially now! They'll probably think I'm even more weird now, but that's their problem, not mine! :d

DeMenTed, I think benzos are close to opiates in terms of nastiness. As I was withdrawing from them and acting out of character (quite violently, I may add), my brother in law restrained me, calmed me down somewhat and talked me into going to hospital, even though I could barely comprehend what he was saying as my brain was mush! What happened when I got there? The doctor gave me lorazepam! This was after my brother in law told them the problem! Evil, nasty, filthy poisons that I was given to numb this emptiness I felt inside me! Same with SSRIs. If they work for some people, that is great. But for me none of them helped. They just caused more problems. My doctor even had the gall to tell me they weren't addictive. That's when I completely lost faith in the medical industry. I also then went on a rant about serotonin agonists, 5-HT, mu-opioid and GABA receptors while his jaw slowly unfurled and then hit the floor haha!

DMT was pretty much a last resort for me and it did not let me down!
 
Welcome Bishbashiboshi, and Im glad you had a good experience with your first pipe. :)

I can appreciate your distaste for the medical profession/industry but I would try not to carry this around as a deep resentment.This approach serves no-one, least of all you.

I can understand the ER doc giving you lorazepam when you presented with acute withdrawal symptoms; it really was an appropriate choice and a drug of the benzo class is unrivalled in dealing with such an acute situation.Its what happens after that is key; ideally a structured slow taper from an appropriate dose equivalent of say diazepam would be a fair approach.

I also appreciate how a good dose of DMT can help some people put their social anxiety into a better perspective; if one can deal with a breakthrough dose of DMT it really makes the anxiety-inducing events in life seem much less deserving of eliciting such emotions.

Once more, welcome!
 
Lovely report, I haven't had the courage to go for a breakthrough dose yet. I'm still learning a lot from microdosing around 5-8mg
 
Hi Corpus Callosum! Thanks for your wise words my friend :d

I think the reason I am so annoyed at the medical profession is the fact that they put me on the benzos and SSRIs in the first place without really assessing my mental state. This seems to be the automatic first line of approach and it is wrong, in my opinion. Also it took an age for me to be referred to both psychological and psychiatric departments. In the end my sister and brother-in-law were accompanying me to the doctors and explaining to them that I wasn't getting the help that I needed. It took a lot of fighting and even then they didn't really know how to handle the situation and basically told me to stop taking drugs. I hadn't had any drugs for 2 years except benzos, SSRIs and an occasional drink.

Granted, my drinking has been a bit out of control recently, but since my DMT experience I don't feel like having a drink!

I went to a CBT class and while there I met a schizophrenic man who was in remission. We both agreed that the class was poorly structured and didn't present us with anything we didn't already know. When we spoke to each other he said I presented symptoms similar to him (possibly drug induced psychosis, the doctors failed to recognise this), and for all the antipsychotics, mood stabilisers and everything else he was prescribed, he was adamant that they never made him any less crazy, they just made him easier for the doctors and nurses to deal with.

I see this guy regularly in town and we'll always chat for a while. He still thinks he is the King Of France, has wacky hair like a lion's mane and a long beard, wears a plastic bobby's hat and psychedelic clothing and carries an imaginary rifle on his back to shoot people he doesn't like, but he is a decent and extremely intelligent guy who also says he feels failed by the medical profession and that many people are overlooked.

But I don't hold it against the doctors personally. They are poorly equipped by the higher authorities and are consistently shackled by red tape in this country. Therein lies the problem.

Plus mental illness is still very much a taboo subject in the Western world. I now think a spiritual approach is very much the way forward for a lot of people.

Ymer, thanks for the kind words :d You'll know when you are ready, mate. And when you do you'll be amazed!!! 😁 One thing I do know for certain that DMT is one substance I'll never be reckless with, and I'm sure most people who use it will agree!
 
Once Upon the Sea ... such a beautiful song. Isn't it wonderful that higher powers are in fact trying to communicate with us and help us grow?

Lovely report hun!! <3
 
Hi, featheredged! Thank you so much for the kind compliment. :d That song holds extra special meaning to me now. I have been listening to it while out in my car working, over and over again! The chorus resonates much deeper than before. I deliver pizzas after being made redundant from my previous job as an engineer. The very odd thing is that tonight I put the album back to the beginning a few times and on 3 occasions after I had been away for a good few minutes up to around half an hour, I jumped back into my car and the song was playing exactly from the beginning! Coincidence?

And yes! It is more than wonderful that we have been fortunate enough to be shown that there are indeed higher powers communicating with us! There are no words in our vernacular to describe this feeling.

I have been seeing people in their Mercedes and delivering to their big houses and am questioning whether or not they are truly happy! Many of them have a face like fizz when they answer their doors and I am often greeted with looks of contempt. This doesn't matter to me anymore. These people are hardwired to believe that success is in the form of materials and pieces of paper (although this doesn't mean I'm going to flee and run away to a hippy commune. Yet 😉 )! If that's what they want to believe, then fair play to them. And for every generous customer that returns my smile and gives me a tip I now acknowledge that forces beyond our comprehension are aware of this, and they shall be rewarded in time!

I have told a couple of the open minded people at work what happened and they were left looking completely baffled and fascinated by what I had to say! And when I said that I don't believe in God, I know there is a God, and that it is one and many and everything and nothing, and that it is all around us and in us at all times, their eyes widened with disbelief! They found it amazing when I told them that my soul received a hug from Mother Nature and that she spoke to me!

They hit me with the usual, 'then why do we have wars?' etc. I reminded them that war is a man made thing, and if only everyone would be as fortunate as us to receive the information I received, see the sights I witnessed and feel the overwhelming love that I was blessed with, then they would realise that war is all in vain.

Anyways, I'm rambling a bit now! And it's past my bedtime!

Thanks again, featheredged!
 
Yes, I found out that one thing you cannot lie to is DMT!!! I learned that tonight!!! Bad journey all around!!! The forces told me more or less not to mess around with them!!!

I will wait a little while before my next use! There is no doubting the benefits of DMT!!! I said thank you for entirely different reasons tonight! I was shaking like a leaf for a while!

It certainly isn't all wine and roses!!!

But hey, the most beautiful thing is that we all make it back with our senses intact!!! I tried to abuse its power and I was treated accordingly! Hurtling through the abyss at light speed!

I got up to go to the bathroom as though I was going to run away, just as my faculties were coming back (as if you can escape that!!!) and just said bugger it, and lay back down on the bed, with all these sinister forces around me!!! Open eyed, closed eyed, there was no fleeing! I somehow managed to switch my TV on and it began to ground me (thankfully).

I'll take a little rest from DMT before I try to condense my trip into any words!!! Any anxiety I experience now will be far, far, far removed from the terror I just experienced! Who said bad trips were all bad?

The euphoria I have now is down to the fact that I have just been horrified and am able to walk away with no damage!!!

How people can say that the ruling elite are using this incredible substance for nefarious deeds is beyond me!!! It's made me much more humble and devoid of any grandiose ideas than any other chemical.

One word: WOW!!! Amazing!

Should I persevere or let one bad experience put me off? Any tips? Sitting at 50/50 just now!
 
:surprised Bishibashiboshi I just experinced some of those same feelings tonight and needless to say we should step away from it for a sec more than likely. If it isn't the spice telling us this it's ower self. I almost throw away anything drug related... BUGGIN!! Maybe we where blasting off at the same time and we both enetered thesame portal of thought and time and space
 
Wow, CapKeeper! That's bizarre! But I know what you are saying. I was a lot warier going into the zone this time and it turned on me almost instantly. The bright colours and patterns had a malevolent edge to them and although I tried to shake it off and smile, and it was getting brighter, as though the good forces were present and were trying to help, I knew straight away that this time round was going to be radically different. I let the evil take over.

There is no point fighting it as I believe that they are here to teach you also.

As I was coming to and I was aware I had opened my eyes and things were still very intense, I saw some terrifying demonic entities. I got such a fright that I closed my eyes again. This is where it got interesting, because when I closed my eyes it was far scarier, and I distinctly remember what I will call a 'dragon-wolf' charging towards me. That's when I thought 'I'm doomed!' But gradually, as things wore off I got the message that I am not as prepared as I thought I was!

It was still very beautiful and a very unique experience, if completely insane! Perhaps the DMT was telling me to remember my first experience and to try to integrate that first?

So, to any more experienced spice users out there, can bad journeys get any worse than what happened to me last night? I still think that this was a healing experience. I have seen both the divine and demonic with DMT in only 2 attempts. So as I have read, I feel that this stuff can help with some mental ailments. It was a particularly massive lungful I inhaled last night, the smoke just kept coming!

In my subconscious I think I wanted to have a bad experience as soon as possible so that I could be prepared in future for such disturbing experiences.

I also had bad dreams afterwards. Nowhere near as scary as my foray into hyperspace though. I would say it was a lot more humbling than my first experience. My first choice of physical words when I came to were 'okay, I won't'! Haha!

Peoples' thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
 
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