Sil,

Welcome to the Nexus.  That was quite an introduction . . . thank you.  If it is not too greedy for me to ask for more, I wonder if you might be willing to share even more about yourself . . . perhaps your pursuits or interests . . . other entheogen use (you mentioned LSD & mushrooms) and what you got out of it .. .

I would encourage you to check out the links in the upper right hand corner.  Health & Safety in particular.  Many here will say and I feel they are right, that DMT offers more questions than answers . . . .

Self-extraction is always best.  In my realm, and my personal way of doing things everything about your introduction to the spice was slightly sketch.  At least you had seen the movie . . . . Phew. . . anyway, you are here and a very warm WELCOME to you.

Moving forward, . . . I would encourage you to take the steps to begin extracting for yourself . . . .this way you know the source, how it was made, who did what to it when, how clean it is, etc.  This can go a long way to alleviating some anxiety and in this community is considered the only way to go.  Please note that this community deeply frowns upon any sort of commerce associated with this molecule.

Extraction is easier and less daunting than it first appears.  I've frequently said it's easier than pulling off a full blown turkey dinner . . .

Regarding letting go . . . it's not easy.  There's no easy answer.  My path has involved learning how to meditate as well as getting into abdominal breathing . . . these things really calm my mind and vital signs if I'm having pre-launch anxiety.  Then once I take the dose, I really just try to accept and surrender and hopefully observe . . . surrender to everything, no matter what.  Don't say no if it's my time to die, say I surrender and I LOVE YOU.  Amazing things result.  Trust me . . . . there's MORE to be seen than the crazy geometry . . . .

You have sampled a tiny corner of the surface level of a very large iceberg.  Again, I say welcome.

-Pandora