First of all, let me start off by saying that I'm truly honored to become a part of this awesome community. I've been lurking for quite some time now and this forum is definitely different from all of the others that embrace "the psychoactive experience". I've lurked or been a member on almost all of them, starting back in 1999-2000. The vibe, all of the interaction, the way people handle themselves and issues that may arise, etc...definitely sets the Nexus apart from the rest in a great way.
Now let me give some background information about myself. I'll be 26 in July and I started experimenting with various psychedelic and non-psychedelic compounds at the age of 13. I was probably too young, but curiosity got the best of me (however, it didn't kill this cat
). I moved around a lot up until this point, and while I grew up in an "upper-middle class family" I always had questions about life, existence, etc. When I had some of my first real deep experiences with MDA, mushrooms, and LSD, my outlook on everything..my whole mindset changed and I felt I'd gained some enlightenment in aspects of life that I'd been looking for answers in.
Psychedelics being the first scene I encountered led me to the belief at that age that "druqs = incredible". In a sense, talking psychs, this is true. I've had incredible life shaping/changing experiences because of a lot of psych experimentation. Diving into everything I encountered head first ultimately led to some problems in my life at that young age though. I could make this extremely long but I'll try to condense it to a shorter version. Basically by the age of 15 our family had settled into the Atlanta area and in high school I became mentally and physically dependent on opiates and benzodiazepines. I quickly amped up the stakes and by late in my junior year I was a full blown IV H/oxy and Xanax addict. The path of addiction has been a bumpy one to say the least.
Upon graduation (yes, I barely did it somehow) and turning legal age, I inherited $110,000 from a distant family member that I barely knew. There was no financial planning or banker/accountant/professional to guide me in the right direction or make sure that part of that money was safe. It was more like "Oh, btw this is yours now". Looking back on it, I'm not sure if a professional would have been able to help much anyways. Basically I adopted the mindset that I was going to "invest" a good bit of this into some of my own ventures and get rich quick. This led to exposure to a lot of bad situations and a very early introduction to our legal system. I spent about 6 months in county jail during 2 separate arrests (felonies, but were only simple possession or reduced to something of equal significance).
Looking back on it, I really had no grasp on reality and the severity of the charges and how it was going to effect my future. I didn't care at the time. This led to one more big arrest, which was eye opening. Following the last arrest and the beginning of withdrawal, I had some clarity of mind and finally realized that I was in a lot of trouble, I wasn't going to be free for quite some time, and when I was free that everything I'd done would most likely follow me the rest of my life and "define who I was" to any future employers or people who didn't know me. I spent just over two years in the department of corrections and was released on parole with good intentions on changing my whole lifestyle.
I think in my case I was being very optimistic considering the fact that I'd been keeping in touch with a lot of old buddies, met some not-so-stellar ones while confined, and was going back to the same place where all of the problems originated. In attempts to wrap this up (I'm sure if you're still reading you're probably sick of it by now), I'll fast forward. Things didn't go quite as planned. It's almost like "the streets" or that lifestyle was calling my name. I'd glamorized it for years. Anyways, on the evening of December 5th, 2007 my life changed drastically. A now strung out childhood friend called me offering to pay a very old debt that I'd pretty much written off. I needed the money so I agreed to meet him downtown. The next thing I know, I'm sitting in a parking lot of a very busy, well lit place and I've got some random guy wearing a hoodie and bandanna over his face tapping on my window with a pistol, telling me to give him everything I had.
I had a girl in the car with me that I cared a lot about at the time (and still do). My mind went blank for a second. I couldnt believe this was happening. It was supposed to be a routine meet-up, much like thousands of others I'd done. I was just about to hand over everything I had when he told me to get out and tried to open my door. At this point I just wanted to get away from this situation and felt horrible for putting the girl in the middle of it. I threw the car in gear, leaned over her and the console, and slammed the gas. He shot three times. I was thinking "No way this is happening". There were college kids jogging down the street seconds before this happened. One of the bullets entered my back, severed my spinal cord, penetrated my lung, and nicked my aorta. I couldn't remove my foot from the accelerator and the car plunged through a fence and over a 13 foot retaining wall.
As I lay there, exhaling gun smoke, horn blaring, engine smoke in the air, breathing becoming very difficult, I said a mini selfish prayer to any higher power that might be able to help the situation for the better. I told her to get out and run if she could...to go get help. After she got out, the most peaceful feeling I've ever felt engulfed my whole being. I knew she was ok. Not that I had time to check and see if she was hit...but it was a Sure feeling coming from somewhere else. I'd been scared of dying up to this point. As I lay there all of my human senses started to fade away and I knew that if this was it, it was going to be OK. I had a feeling of absolute bliss that nothing had ever given me in my whole life. Time meant nothing and I was shown....so much about who I really was and who I had been, what I could be, the future... I don't go into much detail about this very often due to getting funny looks and it being a taboo subject to talk about with most people. I sometimes get the feeling when I do that people either get uncomfortable, are unbelieving, or whatever so I leave it alone.
I had no pulse and no heartbeat for a total of nearly three minutes that the paramedics and hospital staff could document, but when they arrived I was in that state so I don't know how long it actually was. I was forced back into my body and all the pain that came with it once in the ambulance, and once in the hospital. I was told time and time again how slim the chances were that I would live through the specific injuries I received. I was only blocks from one of the best trauma units in the country and they saved my life. Sometimes I feel like I want to go back (not in a suicidal way) and feel horrible about it, knowing how hard and long these professionals worked on me. Everything was just so beautiful that no earthly words could do it justice and I long to see it all again...to be there.
Anyways, this whole experience really changed the person I was in almost every way. I'm paralyzed from a little below the nips down and use a small manual wheel chair. However, I'm totally content in this state and am going to try to make the best out of each and every day I have left. It took a while to get there, but after some physical and mental therapy and reflection I've made the decision to try my best to live happily and dwell on the good things the future holds. Today I'm off all addictive druqs, and while I pass NO judgement on others, I just can't partake. I do have PTSD that I deal with from time to time, and of course I have some limitations now that I didn't have before, but for the most part I'm able to still be normal. I drive with hand controls, go boating, jet skiing, have sex, and still enjoy most of the recreational activities I love and being around nature. Extra hobbies are psych art (just stepping my foot in that door), making music, music fests, etc.
For those who actually read all of this, thank you. Now that I look at it, I know it's really excessive. It did say introduction essay though .
I've had more experience with the classic psychs and loads of various RC's than I can count. However, I've only had one single experience with the spice at a music festival and didn't quite breakthrough and couldn't because it wasn't mine, she wouldn't sell me any (a good thing), and she wasn't near her campsite. I've been very interested ever since then, and on the 3rd SWIM will finally be placing a decent order so SWIM can do a proper extract. Also, SWIM has never done extracted mesc. Only lab grade and only a few times long ago. So, this will be home for a little while if that's ok with you guys. There's a wealth of knowledge here and although it might not seem like it by reading this "essay", I believe in listening and taking in at least 10x more than I put out there. I'll be making a thread when SWIM's order arrives. Although I'm pretty confident SWIM can handle it, hopefully someone will be around for advice if needed.
I feel like SWIM needs to do this. He's had a pretty long break from everything. I wonder if a spinal cord injury could effect the experience at all, being as how much the spinal cord controls and how much is unknown about injuries. I guess we'll see. I look forward to hearing from you all and having some great convos. Again, sorry about the length of this or if it was too much info.
Now let me give some background information about myself. I'll be 26 in July and I started experimenting with various psychedelic and non-psychedelic compounds at the age of 13. I was probably too young, but curiosity got the best of me (however, it didn't kill this cat
). I moved around a lot up until this point, and while I grew up in an "upper-middle class family" I always had questions about life, existence, etc. When I had some of my first real deep experiences with MDA, mushrooms, and LSD, my outlook on everything..my whole mindset changed and I felt I'd gained some enlightenment in aspects of life that I'd been looking for answers in.Psychedelics being the first scene I encountered led me to the belief at that age that "druqs = incredible". In a sense, talking psychs, this is true. I've had incredible life shaping/changing experiences because of a lot of psych experimentation. Diving into everything I encountered head first ultimately led to some problems in my life at that young age though. I could make this extremely long but I'll try to condense it to a shorter version. Basically by the age of 15 our family had settled into the Atlanta area and in high school I became mentally and physically dependent on opiates and benzodiazepines. I quickly amped up the stakes and by late in my junior year I was a full blown IV H/oxy and Xanax addict. The path of addiction has been a bumpy one to say the least.
Upon graduation (yes, I barely did it somehow) and turning legal age, I inherited $110,000 from a distant family member that I barely knew. There was no financial planning or banker/accountant/professional to guide me in the right direction or make sure that part of that money was safe. It was more like "Oh, btw this is yours now". Looking back on it, I'm not sure if a professional would have been able to help much anyways. Basically I adopted the mindset that I was going to "invest" a good bit of this into some of my own ventures and get rich quick. This led to exposure to a lot of bad situations and a very early introduction to our legal system. I spent about 6 months in county jail during 2 separate arrests (felonies, but were only simple possession or reduced to something of equal significance).
Looking back on it, I really had no grasp on reality and the severity of the charges and how it was going to effect my future. I didn't care at the time. This led to one more big arrest, which was eye opening. Following the last arrest and the beginning of withdrawal, I had some clarity of mind and finally realized that I was in a lot of trouble, I wasn't going to be free for quite some time, and when I was free that everything I'd done would most likely follow me the rest of my life and "define who I was" to any future employers or people who didn't know me. I spent just over two years in the department of corrections and was released on parole with good intentions on changing my whole lifestyle.
I think in my case I was being very optimistic considering the fact that I'd been keeping in touch with a lot of old buddies, met some not-so-stellar ones while confined, and was going back to the same place where all of the problems originated. In attempts to wrap this up (I'm sure if you're still reading you're probably sick of it by now), I'll fast forward. Things didn't go quite as planned. It's almost like "the streets" or that lifestyle was calling my name. I'd glamorized it for years. Anyways, on the evening of December 5th, 2007 my life changed drastically. A now strung out childhood friend called me offering to pay a very old debt that I'd pretty much written off. I needed the money so I agreed to meet him downtown. The next thing I know, I'm sitting in a parking lot of a very busy, well lit place and I've got some random guy wearing a hoodie and bandanna over his face tapping on my window with a pistol, telling me to give him everything I had.
I had a girl in the car with me that I cared a lot about at the time (and still do). My mind went blank for a second. I couldnt believe this was happening. It was supposed to be a routine meet-up, much like thousands of others I'd done. I was just about to hand over everything I had when he told me to get out and tried to open my door. At this point I just wanted to get away from this situation and felt horrible for putting the girl in the middle of it. I threw the car in gear, leaned over her and the console, and slammed the gas. He shot three times. I was thinking "No way this is happening". There were college kids jogging down the street seconds before this happened. One of the bullets entered my back, severed my spinal cord, penetrated my lung, and nicked my aorta. I couldn't remove my foot from the accelerator and the car plunged through a fence and over a 13 foot retaining wall.
As I lay there, exhaling gun smoke, horn blaring, engine smoke in the air, breathing becoming very difficult, I said a mini selfish prayer to any higher power that might be able to help the situation for the better. I told her to get out and run if she could...to go get help. After she got out, the most peaceful feeling I've ever felt engulfed my whole being. I knew she was ok. Not that I had time to check and see if she was hit...but it was a Sure feeling coming from somewhere else. I'd been scared of dying up to this point. As I lay there all of my human senses started to fade away and I knew that if this was it, it was going to be OK. I had a feeling of absolute bliss that nothing had ever given me in my whole life. Time meant nothing and I was shown....so much about who I really was and who I had been, what I could be, the future... I don't go into much detail about this very often due to getting funny looks and it being a taboo subject to talk about with most people. I sometimes get the feeling when I do that people either get uncomfortable, are unbelieving, or whatever so I leave it alone.
I had no pulse and no heartbeat for a total of nearly three minutes that the paramedics and hospital staff could document, but when they arrived I was in that state so I don't know how long it actually was. I was forced back into my body and all the pain that came with it once in the ambulance, and once in the hospital. I was told time and time again how slim the chances were that I would live through the specific injuries I received. I was only blocks from one of the best trauma units in the country and they saved my life. Sometimes I feel like I want to go back (not in a suicidal way) and feel horrible about it, knowing how hard and long these professionals worked on me. Everything was just so beautiful that no earthly words could do it justice and I long to see it all again...to be there.
Anyways, this whole experience really changed the person I was in almost every way. I'm paralyzed from a little below the nips down and use a small manual wheel chair. However, I'm totally content in this state and am going to try to make the best out of each and every day I have left. It took a while to get there, but after some physical and mental therapy and reflection I've made the decision to try my best to live happily and dwell on the good things the future holds. Today I'm off all addictive druqs, and while I pass NO judgement on others, I just can't partake. I do have PTSD that I deal with from time to time, and of course I have some limitations now that I didn't have before, but for the most part I'm able to still be normal. I drive with hand controls, go boating, jet skiing, have sex, and still enjoy most of the recreational activities I love and being around nature. Extra hobbies are psych art (just stepping my foot in that door), making music, music fests, etc.
For those who actually read all of this, thank you. Now that I look at it, I know it's really excessive. It did say introduction essay though
.I've had more experience with the classic psychs and loads of various RC's than I can count. However, I've only had one single experience with the spice at a music festival and didn't quite breakthrough and couldn't because it wasn't mine, she wouldn't sell me any (a good thing), and she wasn't near her campsite. I've been very interested ever since then, and on the 3rd SWIM will finally be placing a decent order so SWIM can do a proper extract. Also, SWIM has never done extracted mesc. Only lab grade and only a few times long ago. So, this will be home for a little while if that's ok with you guys. There's a wealth of knowledge here and although it might not seem like it by reading this "essay", I believe in listening and taking in at least 10x more than I put out there. I'll be making a thread when SWIM's order arrives. Although I'm pretty confident SWIM can handle it, hopefully someone will be around for advice if needed.
I feel like SWIM needs to do this. He's had a pretty long break from everything. I wonder if a spinal cord injury could effect the experience at all, being as how much the spinal cord controls and how much is unknown about injuries. I guess we'll see. I look forward to hearing from you all and having some great convos. Again, sorry about the length of this or if it was too much info.
