How would you feel if you found out your kid started experimenting with drugs?

[AwesomeUsername]

I don't have kids, but I know several people that have parents that don't make a big deal out of it when and if their kid does drugs. As with most people, my case isn't one of those which is weird since my father actually used to be a heroin addict before I was born.

I've actually had a murder threat from him stating if he ever sees me tripping, he will kill me and himself shortly after. I don't think this is the right way to handle this situation at all.

If I had a kid, I would do it in a similar fashion that people do the "sex talk", in which they explain to their kids the risks of being irresponsible in that regard, and the consequences it can have. I believe it is just as important, and crucial to do the drug talk too before they hurt themselves. With the internet and all, there is a lot of false info out there too and you can't really tell what it is like unless you do it yourself or talk to someone who has direct experience with it.

Somewhat unrelated to the topic, but I personally believe it is in our human nature to have a desire to explore our consciousness and one cannot help himself to be curious about it, especially if it's around.

How would you deal with it? My opinion is that scare tactics, threats and severe punishment do more harm than good.

 

[Swayambhu]

I do have kids, and this is something i have given thought to.
I'm from the UK, and we have not been subject to the degree of anti "drugs" propaganda that you have been in the U.S., not by a long shot, so perhaps it is easier for us to take a more circumspect approach to the matter.
My own parents had minimum requirements of discretion when it came to teen vices, and expressed disapproval but never took measures to discipline in any way. Other parents took a more proactive policy of "better they do it at home in their room or in the garden than in a public and/or dangerous place.
Then there were parents who tried to put the screws on their kids, which seems always to result in a negative outcome.
My own concern for my kids is binge drinking and habitual heavy cannabis use, for different reasons.

I believe that some people with a long term and constructive relationship with psychedelics introduce their children to them in some kind of ritual setting.
This is something I've thought about too, though my kids are all still too small. I think that such usage can be very beneficial in putting the more dangerous intoxicants in perspective.

But- what to do about it, practically speaking, is probably the same as you do about anything in raising kids? Positive reinforcement, constructive direction of energy, concern, love, vigilance.

 

[DmnStr8]

When my daughter is of age she can do as she pleases. If I found out she was doing drugs before then I would be disappointed. I want her to concentrate of the development of her brain before she partakes in any drugs.

Curiosity is always there. I can provide a lot of information for my daughter in regards to drugs. This will be an open conversation anytime she wants. I will be a sounding board. I would never discipline her if she did experiment. I feel negative will only cause more negative. I will approach any serious discussions with patience and understanding. I have to be the rock. I have to set the example.

What I would be worried about is her friends misinforming her about drugs. Then I have to reprogram her with the correct information. I hope she always has enough respect for me to heed my advice and learn from my mistakes.

If she makes mistakes of her own, I feel they are mistakes that she needs to make enable to evolve herself into the best version of herself. I have learned quite a bit from my mistakes in life and I wouldn't want to take that away from her. It's her life, not mine. I can only do so much as a parent. I teach her all along the way and eventually she is going to make her own decisions about things.

My daughter is five so I have a little while before I have to fret about this kind of stuff, but I feel that if I raise her properly, then she will make well informed decisions when I am not around. Parenting is tough. Hard to know what the right thing to do is at times. Love, compassion, and understanding is the best foundation that I can start with.

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

Depends on the drugs.

...and there's a difference between trying drugs, and being addicted to them.

Trying drugs, not so bad, but being addicted to them would be a serious issue.

I don't have children.

...but if I did children, and I found they were experimenting with cannabis, or psychedelics, or MDMA or other entactogens, I would not have any major issues with it. I would care about their safety more than I would be upset that they were trying these things. I would encourage my child to be open and honest with me, and I would attempt to provide accurate information regarding the matter, it's not something that I think I would "allow" or encourage, but I feel that the best thing that could be done would be related to honesty, education, and harm reduction.

If my child was using heroin, cocaine, alcohol or methamphetamine I would be upset, but again, I would not "freak out" or want to punish my kid, I would want to work through the issue in an open and productive manner.

-eg

 

[Wolfnippletip]

My adult son claims to have never even tried marijuana. He says he has friends who smoke weed and he doesn't like how they are when they're high so it doesn't interest him. What worries me is his alcohol use which, so far is limited, but he and I come from a long line of alcoholics so every now and then I remind him of that and to pay close attention to his alcohol intake.

 

[dreamer042]

What a breath of fresh air these replies are. I should have expected as much from a psychedelic community, but still, it's quite heartening to see everyone echoing the productive approach.

Education is the first and most fundamental step in harm reduction. Always always always be honest with children, sheltering them from the harsh realities of the world is the fast track to a screwed up teenager/adult when they eventually are forced to confront those realities and are not prepared for dealing with them. Most substance abuse issues/addictions start as self-medication due to lack of appropriate coping mechanisms, such that the substances (and the sub-cultures associated with the substances) become the coping mechanism.

Despite what I learned in DARE class, marijuana is not heroin, but the pain pills the kids at school are stealing from their parents medicine cabinet, which I was not taught about, might as well be. Technically, the sugary snack foods in the vending machine and the kids meal at the fast food joint are moar dangerous to a child's health and moar detrimental to a child's development than smoking cannabis or eating psilocybin mushrooms is. This doesn't mean it's appropriate for adolescents or teenagers to sit around smoking weed and eating shrooms all day every day either. It just demonstrates that there are risks and rewards to everything, it's important to supply all the information accurately and teach the critical thinking skills necessary to use that information to make informed decisions.

How many adults do we see come through this site and others like it that don't have the faintest clue about very basic harm reduction practices like proper substance identification and testing, dangerous substance interactions and contraindications with medications, how to appropriately sit for someone or respond to emergency situations, and so on and so forth? It's unlikely the schools are going to start teaching "Drug Ed" along with Sex Ed in 9th grade health class so the burden falls upon the parents and other adults in the children's lives to supply honest accurate information and to make the child feel comfortable discussing these things without stigma or fear of repercussions for their inquisitiveness.

Give the kids some credit, tell them the truth. Don't drug them up on Ritalin and refined sugar and pretend they are beyond redemption for being curious about cocaine. If you give them the right tools to address the inevitable encounters the future will bring them, they may just end up surprising you by making the wise decisions you were not equipped to make.

 

[RAM]

Love, compassion, and understanding is the best foundation that I can start with.

I agree 100% with this DmnStr8, this is our plan as well. My partner is a schoolteacher who is well versed in modern methods of handling children, and she says one of the best things to do is be totally open with the kids about what we know. I plan on explaining to our eventual child the risks and rewards associated with various activities, from drug use to sex to eating candy and drinking pop.

Kids are really smart, especially nowadays with their access to the internet, and many are extremely savvy as well. They will know when you are trying to hide something from them, so it does not help even remotely to beat around the bush. Also, anything you don't tell them, they can just look up online or learn from friends, so it is also important to teach them to be critical consumers of such media.

 

[Complexity]

When I was younger my father reminded me to drink (alcohol) only in moderation, and said that it was more or less good to get boozed in social settings. He tried cocaine once, before I was born, and said me to stay away from such hard drugs.
When I told him I wanted to try magic mushrooms he freaked out; "Do you understand what are you telling me?"

As a result I use only psychedelics and weed, and not very frequently. I think my relationship with drugs is healthy, though honestly my father had a point of view which I objectively see as naive.

So, what I want to say is that you should explain your sons/daughters the drug issue in the most analytical way possible and let them decide, for the simple reason they probably won't listen to you anyway, so it's better to just act as an information source.
If then your son become a junkie, well, it's your son, try to help without judging.

 

[Northerner]

I've got 3 kids (twin 9's and a 10) and I've thought about how to deal with this situation from time to time.

When I was younger I was a pretty radical poly drug user for probably 10 years, as you can imagine it drove my mother insane with worry. She did not try and stop me for fear it would drive me away, but that's all I got from her. Acceptance. I didn't get any stand up advice about balance, moderation, health and safety... basically anything. I remember a few crucial times when I was calling for that advice and all I got was "go your own way, I won't judge you." That in itself is a gift but I needed guidance also. I needed information and warnings. Maybe she wasn't in a headspace/situation to offer me that. All the information booklets that I hunted down when I first began using drugs (this is before the internet existed) had a list of bad things as the cons and euphoria as the pro. There was no comparative explanation. There was no guidance in these medias, just "drugs are bad, m'kay?".

Many years later, after a long period of abstinence, I find myself in the situation where the only substances I'll go near is now psychedelics and etheogens. I could have been here 20 years ago. I could have avoided so much trial and error with a little help and advice. I have no idea how that may have changed my life, but I highly suspect it is for the better.

So I have a some history and experience to work with. I think what I will do when and if the situation arises with my children is educate and guide them. Obviously I can't make their decisions for them, but I can show them the inherent dangers of these substances and teach them about safety. Already they understand how important food is, how important rejection of the media is, how important communication is... I have no doubt that I will be able to present them with enough information to realise how drugs can effect them and to make responsible choices there as well. If they choose abstinence with this information, good for them. But if they choose the other path I have a responsibility to inform them of the dangers and how they present themselves, because it's not obvious when you meet them for the first time.

But- what to do about it, practically speaking, is probably the same as you do about anything in raising kids? Positive reinforcement, constructive direction of energy, concern, love, vigilance.

This is excellent Swayambhu, well said.

Give the kids some credit, tell them the truth. Don't drug them up on Ritalin and refined sugar and pretend they are beyond redemption for being curious about cocaine. If you give them the right tools to address the inevitable encounters the future will bring them, they may just end up surprising you by making the wise decisions you were not equipped to make.

We are much alike in this way of thinking.

 

[dragonrider]

Depends on so much factors: why would they be taking drugs?, How old are they? What's the setting in wich the uso of drugs takes place? What drugs are being used? What's theyr current state in terms of health, both mentally and physically?

I can think of plenty scenario's where i'd be not OK with it, and even have them hospitalised immediately. I can also think of scenario's where i'd likely even have some positive and warm feelings about the whole situation.

There's one major task in the life of parents, grandparents or stepparents, and that's to Always find the time and the 'emotional space', to make them know they're being loved unconditionally.

Any of you remember ever having seen mary poppings? In the end of that movie it becomes clear that life sometimes, even for someone like a succesfull british banker, is full of disgustingly stinking medicine that's hard to swallow. Your love, as a parent, is that spoon full of Sugar that will help the medicine go down.

Sometimes that will mean saying 'no'. On other occasions it may be pretedning you're not realy aware of what they're doing. As long as they can taste the Sugar...feel the love.

 

[skoobysnax]

I do have kids, and this is something i have given thought to.
I'm from the UK, and we have not been subject to the degree of anti "drugs" propaganda that you have been in the U.S., not by a long shot, so perhaps it is easier for us to take a more circumspect approach to the matter.
My own parents had minimum requirements of discretion when it came to teen vices, and expressed disapproval but never took measures to discipline in any way. Other parents took a more proactive policy of "better they do it at home in their room or in the garden than in a public and/or dangerous place.
Then there were parents who tried to put the screws on their kids, which seems always to result in a negative outcome.
My own concern for my kids is binge drinking and habitual heavy cannabis use, for different reasons.

I believe that some people with a long term and constructive relationship with psychedelics introduce their children to them in some kind of ritual setting.
This is something I've thought about too, though my kids are all still too small. I think that such usage can be very beneficial in putting the more dangerous intoxicants in perspective.

But- what to do about it, practically speaking, is probably the same as you do about anything in raising kids? Positive reinforcement, constructive direction of energy, concern, love, vigilance.

I agree with you. I have kids. I also have experience overcoming low bottom addiction.
One of the things I love in this community is the spirit of doing work with entheogens. If we commit to this as part of our spiritual health we show that respect we have to our kids. Having relationships with plants that provide.

Growing medicines and foods and teaching my kids how to garden have been integral in my parenting.

A guy I had been doing recovery work with died recently of an overdose after abandoning his work for a relationship and the return to using when that crashed and burned. My kids saw me cry over that and when they asked what happened i told them the truth. My kids know about my recovery. The older ones lived through some of my addiction. So they dont need DARE to know what's up.

Alcohol is always a disconcerting area for me. The family history of abuse of it leading to all manner of problems. Trauma

With my teens i point them to erowid and dancesafe. They may or may not be trying things but harm reduction starts at home with honest dialogue.

 

[hug46]

I would like to think that i would give sound advice that is based upon my experience and observations when it comes to drugs, or anything else in life. The thing that worries me is that a lot of the knowledge that i have gained is from making mistakes and ignoring advice. I will try and give good council to my kid but i expect her to find out the hard way, and this
scares me.

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

I do have kids, and this is something i have given thought to.
I'm from the UK, and we have not been subject to the degree of anti "drugs" propaganda that you have been in the U.S., not by a long shot, so perhaps it is easier for us to take a more circumspect approach to the matter.
My own parents had minimum requirements of discretion when it came to teen vices, and expressed disapproval but never took measures to discipline in any way. Other parents took a more proactive policy of "better they do it at home in their room or in the garden than in a public and/or dangerous place.
Then there were parents who tried to put the screws on their kids, which seems always to result in a negative outcome.
My own concern for my kids is binge drinking and habitual heavy cannabis use, for different reasons.

I believe that some people with a long term and constructive relationship with psychedelics introduce their children to them in some kind of ritual setting.
This is something I've thought about too, though my kids are all still too small. I think that such usage can be very beneficial in putting the more dangerous intoxicants in perspective.

But- what to do about it, practically speaking, is probably the same as you do about anything in raising kids? Positive reinforcement, constructive direction of energy, concern, love, vigilance.

What's interesting about you mentioning introduction to family in a ritual setting, is that if you watch films regarding modern shamanic use of psilocybin or salvia in Mexico, you will notice often times the consumption of these compounds is a family affair, even elderly members participate, though any youth involved where not children, but rather in their mid to late teens.

I've seen something similar in modern peyote and ayahuasca communities as well.

------

My use of entheogens has always been quite personal and private, I consume these compounds alone ( or occasionally with close friends )

My parents have always been very supportive of my psychedelic use. As a child we were frequently around shamanism through native American friends of the family. As a teen I traveled through the southwest with my school. It was a "hippie" school, couches in the classrooms, no dress code, students made the rules, teachers were called by their first names, and lots and lots of traveling. Chaco canyon, New Mexico was one of the first stops, and naturally I had a good deal of psilocybin mushrooms saved for my stay there. Our camp was near the ruins, which I was exploring as I waited for the fungi to kick in. The sky was filled with bright stars, it was incredibly clear, being from the city I had never seen so many stars in my life, and frequently I could hear coyotes howling at the moon. I eventually found myself in a "kiva" in a small structure built into the side of the rockface. It was an amazing night.

Next stop was the four corners, we had already been through the ruins of "mesa verde" colorado and Chaco canyon New Mexico and were heading to Canyon de Chelly, Arizona on the Navajo reservation to plant peach trees. In the past The Navajo had their peach trees chopped down by the whites in an attempt to starve them out, so we were there to replant peach trees on the reservation which even in modern times would be quite useful to have. Those who lived on the reservation saw us as a bunch of "spoiled white kids" and were often quite hostile or resentful towards us, and I really did not blame them. Any way, one night I had snuck off to smoke a joint when I encountered the shaman, he had a building at the bottom of the canyon, and through our conversation I was asked to hike down the canyon the next morning, and to participate in a peyote ceremony that following night.

...needless to say I accepted, it was an amazing experience. In an effort to not fill This thread with my own personal nonsense I cut the story down as short as I could.

The point of telling it was when I described these events to my mom, she was nothing but happy for me, the fact that I was using mushrooms and peyote seemed to be outweighed by the meaningful life experiences that I was having.

My parents have never seemed to mind my consumption of cannabis or psychedelics. I think they have accepted it as an essential part of myself. When I was a kid they would buy me the Richard Evans schultes books that I wanted, or other hard to find (at the time) psychedelic literature, they would listen to my excited ramblings regarding one psychedelic or another, and would sit through psychedelic chemistry lectures with me, and so on. They have always been very supportive in this regard.


-eg