Hyperspacial "bleed-through"

[CatholicPsychonaut]

So, it's been 2 weeks since my last foray into hyperspace, and I've been off adderall now for about that long, so this may have some influence on the marked "difference" in the experience as opposed to all other times I've used freebase DMT. Every other time, the experience has been "contained" in the sense that I had hyperspacial and loss of self experiences, but never classic "hallucinations" in the sense of distorted visual perceptions. This time, however, was markedly different. I measured out 35mg, a lighter dose than I've used recently, and vaped three big inhalations. Was confronted with the female entity I've been encountering almost every time recently, and got lost in the experience, going deep into selflessness. As soon as I could move again, I took two more hits off the machine. There she was again, but was talking to me. She said "be careful what you wish for." Then I was back in my body and opened my eyes, but rather than just "coming back" as I have in the past, I was in between here and hyperspace. I was looking out at my basement door, and everything looked like a gingerbread house, like it was all pink and yellow frosting around the boarders, edges smoothed, corners softened. I was immediately terrified, because I got the distinct sensation that there was no way of going back, that my perception was now fixed this way and I would float between the worlds forever. The woman said "What's wrong 'shaman?' Isn't this what you wanted? Be careful what you wish for!" The word "Shaman" came out very mocking and condescending. All I could think about was my kids, playing upstairs... Would I be able to function like this? How would I go to work and run my store like this? Could I interact with my employees while being able to visually percieve their thoughts and emotions? But also... POWER! I can heal, I can retrieve souls, I can surf the void and change the world for the better! I turned away, closed my eyes, and looked back down into the tunnel of eyes. The woman appeared before me and wrapped her arms around me, comforting me. "It's alright, Shaman. You'll have other chances to not be afraid." I then started having body convulsions and contortions, similar to what I've experienced many times on the cubensis. It felt purgative and cleansing. I have often called this "the monkey body experience." I went into this trip with the intention of healing a digestive illness from which I've been suffering for the past three days. After this purgation, I haven't had any of the symptoms from which I was suffering.

I was talking to a friend about this, and he said he, too, has seen the "gingerbread" space. I would like to know if this is a common experience among hyperspacial travelers.

The fear was so stark and yet I felt that if I didn't have financial committments and expectations in the 3D world, that I would have really been able to stay there and walked around and healed. I feel like I am at a crossroads of sorts with this substance. Should I go further, deepen my relationship with this woman who seems to want to be my guide and has a kind of "sexy trickster with a kind heart" energy, and really walk the path of the shaman, or should I back off for a while, make sure I don't loose the ability to return before I am really in a place where I can afford to float between the worlds without worrying about my comittments to my corporate masters. It may be possible for someone to be in that perceptual space and pretend to be normal, but I seriously doubt I'd be able to do it effectively.

The other possibility is that I'm totally full of shit, that none of it is actually real, and that next time will be a completely different experience, that the ongoing trip to trip narrative that I'm feeling is only my mind trying to make sense of the flooding synapeses in my brain... What do others think?

 

[Eliyahu]

CatholicPsychonaut said:

The other possibility is that I'm totally full of shit, that none of it is actually real, and that next time will be a completely different experience, that the ongoing trip to trip narrative that I'm feeling is only my mind trying to make sense of the flooding synapeses in my brain... What do others think?

First of all good report...

I'm going to be brutally honest here with you becase obviously your a man who believes in the existence of a higher power.... as do I.

So I'm gonna tell you point blank what I think of all this: "It's all in your head, my minds only trying to make sense of my flooded synapsis" type talk.

I think it's a way of hiding. IMO, I believe it's a convenient way for people to disregaurd the psychedelic experience as a nothing more than a meaningless drug happening, this way they won't have to make any real behavioral changes because..."who listens to a drug?"

My point is.. if this is "real" and an angelic entity was actually talking to you and calling you "shaman" in a sarcastic way then that may be highly inconvenient to your current world view.

Normally I would not tell someone who is wondering if it's all in their head that they are posssibly hiding, but you are a different case as clearly you subscribe to the idea that there is a "god"...

In my mind once you have chosen to accept the idea that God is a real being/idea/phenomena then IMO all the DMT smoking rules are changed automatically, making the enitire experience all the more real.

So I hope I don't come off as all self rightous or anything, I'm just attempting to offer you my honest view point and I mean no offense toward people who seriously consider the psychedelic experience to be 100% the product of human imagination.


My final suggestion....take some Ayahuasca

 

[CatholicPsychonaut]

Thanks for the input. My reasons for saying "maybe it's all in my head" are a form of hiding... Not in the way, exactly, that you may be assuming, though. It is more of a defense mechanism, as I feel the need to at least propose all possibilities with this stuff, even the materialist view, of which I don't really subscribe. I feel the need to do this due to recent revelations about Terence McKenna not doing any mushrooms for the last 12 years or so of his life and over the course of that time, proposing more and more bizzare possibilities for what is "true" about hyperspace and it's inhabitants. My college years were so spent believing what he was saying, that now, upon hearing these revelations, and due to the fact that I am fully in the adult realm now, with a job in middle management and a house full of kids, a cat, a dog, a mortgage... In light of these things, it seems prudent to consider that I might just be crazy, or at least state it as one of the possible versions of reality. Although it is not really the one I actually believe to be true. It is frightening to consider that I am being asked to give up my security, if that is the case. Perhaps that's the kind of "hiding" you are talking about. In that case, you may be right about it being me hiding. There's a lot to loose, at least materially speaking, by following HER down the path she may be calling me toward.

The question I am really asking myself, then, is this... Does she mock me because I am not a shaman at all, even though I have dreams of being one, or does she mock me to challenge me to cease treating this experience the way I treat Church... As something I do once a week to refresh myself in the waters of spirit but find it difficult to bring back in a useful way into the everyday world... Perhaps she is calling me to rise beyond this and rise up to the expectation she has for me? I will have to ask her the next time we meet... If I am asking and gleaning information from hyperspace, I guess that is at least part of what being a shaman is, so perhaps this is what she expects of me.

I want to avoid any hubris or delusions of grandeur, though. Those seem unwise. All the great spiritual paths point toward humility as the way of the great ones. A heart broken open in humble love is the way to approach this, if she is calling me to surf the void. I pray that I will be able to meet THAT challenge, even more than I would love to really BE a shaman and have power to heal or retrieve souls or commune with the heavenly hosts.

 

[CatholicPsychonaut]

My final suggestion.... Take some Ayahuasca

I actually have the ingredients at hand, have for quite some time. Haven't done it because I have felt like doing so out of context (without an experienced individual present) would be unwise. Certain friends of mine have suggested that drinking Aya without travelling to Brazil or Peru to do it insitu is tantimount to trying to get drunk off the Precious Blood on a Tuesday afternoon after stealing it from the priest during Mass. But, I did journey to these places with my best friend (also unexperienced) with the cubensis in college and lived to tell the tale... Although certain folks have also said that there is so much difference between Aya and cubies as to not put them in the same club.

Insight on this arguement would also be helpful.

I connected with the folks from the Church of the Holy Light of the Queen in Ashland, OR. They seem like great people, but it is VERY far from where I live and I cannot really justify the money it would cost to go there and spend a week or so with them. Even their "points" (satelite groups) are nowhere near my home. I've got everything I need right here to make the brew... Other than the courage to do it and the babysitter to get the kids out of the house for seven or eight hours.

 

[Eliyahu]

CatholicPsychonaut:


I hear where your coming from.. and I can understand your concern with having a sitter for the Ayahuasca.

To have a sitter or not, and whether or not to travel to the jungle and seek out a genuine shaman to administer the brew are all personal decisions and I'm not trying to convince you either way I just want to offer my viewpoint because I can emapathize with your outlook...

I have taken ayahuasca by myself for the most part and have felt like it was guide enough for me in itself...compared to other psychedelics, including I would say that it guides you and protects you much more than anything...

Pesonally I believe that you could trust God to guide you, you are not likely to find a greater shaman than Yeshua so I would advise trusting in your relationship with him as he can guide you in a most perfect way during your experience if you allow him..

Also I firmly believe it is possible to be completely fluid and live as a shaman and an impeccable human with a family, mortgage business etc at the same time..

I think one can have one foot in the spirit world and one foot in the regular world functioning fully as an act of ultimate fluidity... Having knowledge of the spirit world can only serve as a clear advantage in my opinion when it comes to dealing in the regular world.



So that's just my advice though, not trying to come off as hubris or presumptious by any means...

 

[CatholicPsychonaut]

Thanks! I found some posts of yours on another thread concerning whether or not to use Aya outside of the jungle context. I feel like I'm on the same page add you when it comes to this stuff. I wasn't directing the hubris statementat you, but totally at myself. I left behind psychedelics about teen years ago because I felt like I was becoming too prideful, too "us vs them"about my relationship to the world. I spent about six of those years in a daily meditation practice, but ultimately left the religious community of which I was a part because those at the top were not really living the values add far as I could see. Now, thanks to this site, and a promise I made to myself back I'm college that I would make space in my life to try DMT if it presented itself to me, I am back at the doorstep of hyperspace, asking for admittance to the DoJo of these plant teachers.

I like what you said about Jesus being a guide and a protector. I have invoked his presence with The Jesus Prayer of the Eastern Orthodox tradition before every trip, and I feel like it hasn't failed me yet, much like the was you mentioned sitting in meditation before drinking your Aya on that other thread.

The 'risks' of doing Aya improperly / unsupervised? - Ayahuasca - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

I'm also quite fascinated with your take on mystical judaism. I think you and I are likely kindred souls. Are you going to Psychedemia? We should connect.

Also, I found this image on a Google Image search. Reminds me of "My Lady" I keep encountering in hyperspace. It is not an exact representationof her, of course, but our makes me think of her. The guide I've been encountering has more sexuality in her energy than this image, and a bit more "trickster" quality, but she had the beauty and quiet grace and centered countenance of this image

 

[Eliyahu]

CatholicPsychonaut


Groovy that you can dig where I'm coming from. Eventually I plan on sharing my experiences with Yeshua here with the Nexus community. I just have not quite made it that far along in my trip report time line as of yet.

I personally believe that the Nexus provides like minded people with an amazing opportunity to share our unique experiences with one another. It also provides all Nexians with the opportunity to view completely new and opposing views on reality..

 

[jamie]

"Certain friends of mine have suggested that drinking Aya without travelling to Brazil or Peru to do it insitu is tantimount to trying to get drunk off the Precious Blood on a Tuesday afternoon after stealing it from the priest during Mass."

Well, that sounds stupid and the comparison rediculous. Your friends sound like naive new age ayahuasca tourists. I bet they eat mushrooms, but dont go all the way to huatla. Hippocrates.

 

[Sky Motion]

Take everything at face value, getting into it will drive you mad..there are usually much more questions asked than answers received when it comes to the psychedelic experience.

 

[CatholicPsychonaut]

"Certain friends of mine have suggested that drinking Aya without travelling to Brazil or Peru to do it insitu is tantimount to trying to get drunk off the Precious Blood on a Tuesday afternoon after stealing it from the priest during Mass."

Well, that sounds stupid and the comparison rediculous. Your friends sound like naive new age ayahuasca tourists. I bet they eat mushrooms, but dont go all the way to huatla. Hippocrates.

(CatholicPsychonaut hits the "like" button!)

Funny! And true. It also strikes me as a bit of an eliteist attitude, as such positions exclude those who might be financially unable or not have the vacation time or just the space in their lives for some trip to Peru. I do understand the desire to have a guide on such journeys, and I'd be interested to hear why certain folks think that there is such a world of difference between Aya and heroic-dose cubies. Not to get too huberistic about it all, or anything, but the couple people I have talked to about this issue who take such a hard stance on being in the jungle with an authentic curendaro (sp?) for using Aya have had VASTLY less experince with hyperspace than I have. Perhaps this is due to their attitudes about "right" sets and settings that naturally limits their own opportunites to partake. I was listening Rick Straussman interviewing Dennis McKenna on the Psychedelic Salon, and they both seem to be of this "the jungle is better" camp. Neither seemed to be of the "the jungle is the only place where it is acceptable" camp, but said they both preferred to do it in the jungle. I think I'll try and do it out in the woods with a friend, somewhere where we'll be unlikely to bother others and have the freedom to be wild without cops or wildlife rangers coming to see what's up. One of my most memorable experiences on cubies (and the lowest dose) was taken with my wife on the beach. I was sitting half-lotus on top of a big stump, the water lapping up on the shore was a crystaline scrying surface, where my dreams and hopes were on display. The moon was high in the sky and the planet mars was at a 100-year record nearness to the earth, so it loomed large and red in the western sky.

 

[mew]

aya or bust!

 

[BecometheOther]

I definetly agree with jamie on this one.

If i might ask... isnt smoking pure dmt alot more "out of traditional context" than using ayahuasca. For me the answer is yes. I advocate the use of DMT and i love to do it, but it just strikes me as odd to hear you say you have the ingredients and the interest but are avoiding it because you dont want to be non-traditional. Well extracting pure dmt from plants with solvents, and then smoking the final product, is pretty damn far from traditional.

As long as were being honest heres my take: There is no group of people that sole power or understanding of the ayahuasca experiences, yes these traditional peoples have gained valuable knowledge and understanding about ayahuasca through generations of use.

But the important part is these plants are for all of us humans, and each of us has the potential to awaken to the magical world. and clearly you are intellegent and strong enough to handle the experience and learn from it. Why sell yourself short, and close that door? Realize your own power

I think ayahuasca is much more in line with what your looking for. IT pains me to hear you dismiss this possibility, when what you are really looking for is right there waiting for you.

No shaman or anyone can lead you to the personal knowledge and understanding you can gain from a 1 on 1 dialouge with the master plants.

Another thing is ayahuasca can be very gentle and sublime, have no fear, it will be nicer to you than FB dmt i think, and also less chance of this "hyperspacial bleed througyh"

just my 2 cents good luck on your path

 

[CatholicPsychonaut]

BecomeTheONE,

I am in agreement with you on all counts. I think that you are probably right about the Aya being more what I am looking for, and I am excited to go for it. You're also quite right about the fb being MUCH less natural and out of context.

I was encouraged by a wonderful talk of Terence McKenna's last night, "Unfolding the Stone"

http://archive.org/download/PsychedeliaRawArchivesOfTerenceMckennaTalks/UnfoldingTheStone1.mp3

"The mushroom once told me... 'Nature LOVES Courage'"

Of course, by the time of this talk, he himself hadn't found said courage for more than three years... Strangeness...

But I digress... The convenient thing about the FB DMT and perhaps the reason why the entity's tone was so mocking when she called me "shaman" is that the short-lived duration of the effects make it very hospitable to my middle-management, large american corporation life. It's 1960s name "the businessman's LSD", while a bit diminutive and trivial in terms of the depth of the experience, is pretty accurate in some regards. Perhaps "the businessman's mushroom journey" or "the businessman's ayahuasca" or "the businessman's near-death experience" would be more accurate portraits.

Another thing is ayahuasca can be very gentle and sublime, have no fear, it will be nicer to you than FB dmt i think, and also less chance of this "hyperspacial bleed througyh"

I think you may be wrong on this, although I am, admittedly, the least experienced person on this thread when it comes to Aya, but the "bleed through" I experienced was the tryptamine conscousness effecting my 3D vision. I have a feeling that rather than being something alien from Aya, what I experienced is more like a "foretaste of the feast to come" to quote the Catholic Mass.

I have been in council with my best friend, who has been my fellow traveler all these years. He is not yet comfortable nor ready for Aya, (and is also influenced heavily by these "Ayahuasca fundamentalists" of which I have spoken, so I may wait till later in the year to do it. I think our next step will be what folks here call "Changa", smoking banisteriopsis and freebase DMT together to extend the experience, then when the results of this experience are sorted through and processed, I'll likely dive into Aya space myself with my wife as a sitter.

I have much appreciated the encouragement and feedback here, and will keep you all posted on developments. My main hang-up now is my best friend's unreadyness to dive into Aya space. I haven't ever gone down one of these rabbit holes without him (at least the first trip down) and history and personal tradition make me feel like I should maybe wait for him.

I've started reading Ralph Metzner's "Ayahuasca: Sacred vine of the Spirit" in anticipation.