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I don't know what happened

N

n3ur4l

Rising Star
Hello all, this is my first post on this site. I am writing this because of my first breaking through experience (and I am assuming I broke through based on what I can recall). I have had similar experiences with other psychedelic drugs, those being ketamine and 2CB. Anyways, I am wondering if anyone has had anything similar happen to them. In my breaking through experience I didn't meet any entities, I honestly barely remember much of what happened, but here goes. Oh, before I begin, one last thing I should mention is I struggle with methamphetamine addiction. I want to give DMT a shot at helping shock my psyche towards making different choices. I'm using it as a tool to free myself.

I was at my friend's place and I brought over my bong with a ceramic nail and a vial of DMT I made out of MH bark. I had been extracting DMT for some time but had only been using small doses just to acclimate myself to the medicine. I am far from a newbie to psychedelics but I had never been able to get my hands on DMT until a friend gave me a small sample one evening and coming back from that experience caused me to get my hands on more, and the best way I know how to get drugs is to either grow it or make it yourself. Anyways, tonight was the night I wanted to breakthrough reality. Tonight was supposed to be the night that I had a paradigm shift in my life. My friend and I started off with a small teaser dose just to get the gears rotating. My friend chilled out, slightly nervous while I got ready to do a big one. There really was no ritual beforehand, usually I meditate before I do psychedelics, but I was being rather hopeful and impulsive this evening. I heated the nail, grabbed my metal spoon loaded with DMT on it, dropped the stuff on the nail and spilled half of it on the table, inhaled the vapor and forced myself to hold it in even though I could tell I got the nail too hot. I coughed and handed the bong back to my friend as the stuff was already kicking in so quickly. Then it turned sinister, it was almost like my friend was in on the joke and the curtain dropped and these beings grabbed me and threw me through the veil of my dimension of reality and I was in the next, but I wasn't there. By that I mean I had no concept of I and my body wasn't even something I knew of. Instead, and I really barely can remember anything from this whole experience but I was in some bright neon colorful place where I had no real shape or form. Like I was morphing into my body and out of it, and I was just this constantly shape shifting blob like consciousness. I must've been holding my breath or something because when I regained enough of my own consciousness back the intensity of the experience was causing me to have anxiety, and I trained myself a long time ago to connect with my breath in those moments, but I couldn't breathe, I couldn't get a steady flow of 4 seconds in, hold for 2, 4 seconds out. It just wasn't happening. When I did exhale it was very dramatic and the whole scene shifted. Then the next thing I remember was everything was this bright white light and I started shouting "free me! release me!" over and over again and I remember wanting this freedom so fucking badly (freedom from suffering) I then felt a hand on my back and I thought it was my roommate and immediately I started crying and I started apologizing to everyone I love and care about, until I fully came back into the room I had never actually left and saw my friend with his hand on my back and my final apology was to him for being so loud. I thought I was screaming but he told me I wasn't really all that loud. It was all so bizarre and I barely remember any of it.

Would this be considered breaking through? What happened? Why can't I remember much of what happened? Anyone have anything similar to this?
 
Hello and welcome.

This sound like a classic example among the huge diversity of DMT experiences. Really, anything can happen, so I'd go as far to say your experience was fairly normal - not to belittle it; it wasn't for nothing that Terence McKenna came up with the phrase "death by astonishment", for example. Suffice to say, you are not alone!
n3ur4l said:
I started shouting "free me! release me!"
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You clearly had your intentions towards your DMT use firmly set, so I'd say this is a good sign.

Once you become more accustomed with DMT use you should be able to get your techniques for navigating the space straightened out.

If you feel like having a more direct communication with Nexus members, drop into the chat.
 
n3ur4l said:
By that I mean I had no concept of I and my body wasn't even something I knew of. Instead, and I really barely can remember anything from this whole experience but I was in some bright neon colorful place where I had no real shape or form. Like I was morphing into my body and out of it, and I was just this constantly shape shifting blob like consciousness. I must've been holding my breath or something because when I regained enough of my own consciousness back the intensity of the experience was causing me to have anxiety, and I trained myself a long time ago to connect with my breath in those moments, but I couldn't breathe
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Hello! I can relate about several things you experienced. Yesterday I've experienced for the first time DMT, with my boyfriend who prepared the setting so that I can relax.

I've done some breathing exercices before to relax and I felt pretty good until I started and felt like, as you said, my body was no longer mine, I really felt as a conscience in the body of a perfect stranger ; I couldn't understand anything of the sensations. As if i was just a pure conscious and couldn't get the experience of the body. Big tinglings in all over my body but it didn't feel good at all. Felt as I didn't know how to breath and didn't know how to feel. Smells was too strong. The air was too [*] dense and I felt as I was inhaling some liquid air.

After that, I also felt some presence, some light touch, and then I cried. My body would sometimes shake, micro shakes, and it reminded me of reliving a trauma.
 
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I read some more stuff and I think my experience was what you would call being hyperslapped?
 
Hello, n3ur4l

Some questions:
1. Did you use methamphetamine prior to DMT? Was it minutes, hours, days, months?
DMT do not interact well with amphetamines and can initiate a chain of thoughts and experiences that are very tense. Ritalin and Meth (even caffeine) doesn't pair well with it, because they activate regions of the brain related to stress. Imagine having a psychedelic experience in your brain with the "stressed out" region sparkling stress high as the moon. Not good.
2. Your intentions were mostly free your self from meth or learn something new?

I've already read and listened to this kind of experience. As we know, DMT can be too much (it almost always is) and sometimes we can be so overwhelmed that the brain shuts down or has kind of a selective amnesia. Both reactions are mostly common in traumatic experiences, but it can be the case that your brain were too much stimulated.

Meditation is the gym of DMT, it can help you (to a certain DMT dosage) to control (or to bear) this river of thoughts and "energy" that flows when the DMT kicks in. Also, as we know, too much adrenaline in this situation (and it always kicks in because DMT is a journey and a surprise) can make you respond a bit less to DMT or make your trip even crazier and sometimes with scary things.
I really preffer to use it (specially when you are lacking confidence) by the time of the day. A bright sun, a happy place, good people, a safe place commonly are the most adequate setting.

DMT is strange: you learn to fear yourself sometimes. Everybody has darkness inside, and it just can appear in the trip. Maybe your selective amnesia was for the best.
If you like to do sports or go to the gym it can help you to be stronger physically and mentally to try again. You can always try again. Just try a realistic dosage.
I recommend trying a DMT vape, e-mesh etc. It will help for the hole thing to not fall on you when you are only seeing mandalas :)
 
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n3ur4l said:
Hello all, this is my first post on this site. I am writing this because of my first breaking through experience (and I am assuming I broke through based on what I can recall). I have had similar experiences with other psychedelic drugs, those being ketamine and 2CB. Anyways, I am wondering if anyone has had anything similar happen to them. In my breaking through experience I didn't meet any entities, I honestly barely remember much of what happened, but here goes. Oh, before I begin, one last thing I should mention is I struggle with methamphetamine addiction. I want to give DMT a shot at helping shock my psyche towards making different choices. I'm using it as a tool to free myself.

I was at my friend's place and I brought over my bong with a ceramic nail and a vial of DMT I made out of MH bark. I had been extracting DMT for some time but had only been using small doses just to acclimate myself to the medicine. I am far from a newbie to psychedelics but I had never been able to get my hands on DMT until a friend gave me a small sample one evening and coming back from that experience caused me to get my hands on more, and the best way I know how to get drugs is to either grow it or make it yourself. Anyways, tonight was the night I wanted to breakthrough reality. Tonight was supposed to be the night that I had a paradigm shift in my life. My friend and I started off with a small teaser dose just to get the gears rotating. My friend chilled out, slightly nervous while I got ready to do a big one. There really was no ritual beforehand, usually I meditate before I do psychedelics, but I was being rather hopeful and impulsive this evening. I heated the nail, grabbed my metal spoon loaded with DMT on it, dropped the stuff on the nail and spilled half of it on the table, inhaled the vapor and forced myself to hold it in even though I could tell I got the nail too hot. I coughed and handed the bong back to my friend as the stuff was already kicking in so quickly. Then it turned sinister, it was almost like my friend was in on the joke and the curtain dropped and these beings grabbed me and threw me through the veil of my dimension of reality and I was in the next, but I wasn't there. By that I mean I had no concept of I and my body wasn't even something I knew of. Instead, and I really barely can remember anything from this whole experience but I was in some bright neon colorful place where I had no real shape or form. Like I was morphing into my body and out of it, and I was just this constantly shape shifting blob like consciousness. I must've been holding my breath or something because when I regained enough of my own consciousness back the intensity of the experience was causing me to have anxiety, and I trained myself a long time ago to connect with my breath in those moments, but I couldn't breathe, I couldn't get a steady flow of 4 seconds in, hold for 2, 4 seconds out. It just wasn't happening. When I did exhale it was very dramatic and the whole scene shifted. Then the next thing I remember was everything was this bright white light and I started shouting "free me! release me!" over and over again and I remember wanting this freedom so fucking badly (freedom from suffering) I then felt a hand on my back and I thought it was my roommate and immediately I started crying and I started apologizing to everyone I love and care about, until I fully came back into the room I had never actually left and saw my friend with his hand on my back and my final apology was to him for being so loud. I thought I was screaming but he told me I wasn't really all that loud. It was all so bizarre and I barely remember any of it.

Would this be considered breaking through? What happened? Why can't I remember much of what happened? Anyone have anything similar to this?
Click to expand...
1. The Quintessence of LifeIn ancient Greece, the number 5 represented the concept of “quintessence.” This term was used to describe the fifth element, ether, which was believed to be the substance composing the heavens, distinct from the four terrestrial classical elements: earth, water, air, and fire.The quintessence was seen as the purest form of existence, the cosmic force behind all creation.

Read more here: Spiritual Meaning Of The Number 5: 6 Deep Spiritual Truths Revealed
 
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