I have been locked out of the garden. Looking for advice.

[SeekingPelican]

I have been vaporizing DMT for 4 months now. I use a Yocan Evolve Plus with product that I extracted myself.

My first experience was with 8mg and it blew me away. I worked up to doses in the 35mg range. I have journeyed 64 times as of this writing.

I have had experiences with only 15mg that were amazing and profound.

Then, about two weeks ago, I had an experience with 25mg that I would categorize as a true mystical experience. I emerged and cried at the sheer beauty of it.

I was so struck by this experience that I spent much of the following day simply meditating and fasting to prepare myself for another experience of sheer wonder. The trip that followed showed me an incredibly beautiful palace of gold and in the center was a figure of gold that had a round body, like Buddha, and the head of a woman. She said 'breathe in' and I did, and as I did so her body erupted in a myriad of changing shapes. She said 'breathe out', and as I did, her body did the same thing, and it was really something to behold. Then she said 'It's amusing, isn't it!'. When I emerged, I felt let down and patronized. Like I had been treated as a child when I expected to be immersed in something eternal.

Each successive trip I encountered her. In my mind I labeled her the 'Fun God'. I felt as though she was blocking me from my explorations. In addition, each successive trip I was more aware of my body. I had come to expect my body to 'disappear' on DMT, and now my body was remaining, and my journeys were more and more limited to visual sensations.

Today seemed like the culmination of this path. With 25mg, I was fully present in my body, and only had very minor visuals, with no color whatsoever.

I have searched the internet for things like 'DMT no longer works', etc. I have found reports that are similar to mine. Replies usually are in the vein of smoking technique, switching to a GVG, and taking a break. I am not on any medications. My diet is vegetarian. I have about 1-2 light drinks at the end of the day. I also vaporize nicotine.

Clearly a break is required, and I am honestly heartbroken over it. I wonder if anyone who has been in this spot can offer guidance on how best to use my break time. I feel like I had made tremendous spiritual progress with the guidance of DMT, and would really like to continue on the path I was on.

Thank you for reading.

 

[SeekingPelican]

I found this wonderful thread: Shutout: DMT stopped working for me. - DMT Discussion - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

I think it's fascinating that this poster also reported a similar experience between trips 60-70.

 

[fidus-archimedes]

As a thought experiment, let's take your experience literally. Maybe it's illusion. Maybe it's metaphor. Or maybe not. Who can know?

Let's suppose that some autonomous trans- or perhaps pan-dimensional entity, the Fun God, has blocked you from further travel. The golden palace has become your golden gate.

Let's also suppose (for my purposes; you may want to consider alternatives) that her intent is purely benign. In her grace and love for you, the Fun God will provide endless amusement, but refuses to grant passage.

One interpretation, and it is hubris for me to say so, is that you are not ready. There is more that you must do to prepare before the remaining gate (probably gates) will open. Your task is to discover for yourself, probably through other means, what further preparation is required of you.

Another might be that the Fun God is trying to teach you something about the power of breath. I hear this again and again in yoga, meditation, etc. about the power of breath; always return to the breath. I am not enlightened and so this power is hidden from me, but it may not be coincidence that the Fun God entertains you through this same power. Perhaps the gate is open but you fail to pass through it because you fail to recognize it. I don't like this one as much, because she said to you "It's amusing, isn't it?" I would have expected something encouraging or at least something inspiring curiosity.

Can you come up with other interpretations?

 

[SeekingPelican]

I really appreciate your insight! I had not thought of this, but now I certainly am.

When I first began exploring this space, breath was definitely a 'front and center' obstacle. I would have the very strong sensation that my body was not breathing and it caused me to be very afraid. At the time I viewed it as a challenge, and I felt like I had overcome it. I went through a period of journeys where I no longer felt like I was suffocating and believed I was making progress.

But, here she is, asking me directly to 'breathe'.

I am very confused by this. As of now I have no idea what to think, but think on this I shall.

Many thanks to you.

 

[SeekingPelican]

I spent the rest of my morning and early afternoon sadly puzzled how I could ingest 25mg of such a potent entheogen and experience nearly nothing (this after a string of trips that were successively disappointing). The thought of an extended break seemed so...unfair. Such a childish thought, but it's honestly what I was thinking.

I loaded up 24mg. I told myself that if this attempt delivers nothing then I will take an extended break and try to discover what was blocking me.

As I prepared myself I thought "This is a truly, truly bad idea. You could really get punished for pushing this." I did it anyway.

I was swept into the presence of my Fun God and she put on quite a show. I asked her 'Am I allowed to come here?' and she said 'Of course you are!' and proceeded to dazzle. The experience was utterly amazing. Where once I would have been disappointed in seeing the Fun God, I was beyond relieved to be back in her presence.

So, fool that I am, I loaded up another 20mg and inhaled. This dose, less than the two prior, was even more powerful. The Fun God did not join me. I was taken to an indescribable infinite space. It was so vast, so colorful, so profound, so joyful. I awoke completely changed. Refreshed, refilled, rejuvenated.

I really don't know what to say. DMT...such a wonderful, ineffable mystery. *humbled*

 

[DmnStr8]

There is no gatekeeper. No one has the key but you. Check your pockets!

The DMT experience is ever changing. It responds to what is already inside of each and every one of us individually at any given point in time. If you are stuck in a rut, so to speak, then you may need to stop and reflect as to what the rut is. If you can't figure it out, cest la vie, move on, take a break.. whatever.. quit all together.. but don't wallow in it.

Can you find some beauty and lesson in what you are currently experiencing with DMT? If not, I'd say you are missing the point. Delve into whatever it brings to the table. Go with it and accept all your experiences at face value. They can't all be winners.

I reached a point with my DMT experiences in which I was downright bored.. I know.. bored. I took a long break from it, worked on myself, and when I went back to DMT it was amazingly beautiful. I enjoy any experience that DMT brings. Accept the terror if that is on the table. Accept the boredom if that comes. Accept it all. Easy to accept it when it is beautiful and wonderful and colorful and awe inspiring...That's really easyto accept... accepting the negative or difficult or boredom takes another line of thinking.

I feel that this is where the rubber meets the road. This is where the lessons are.

I feel I got the boredom and terror because that is exactly what I needed. I needed to see something else inside these odd experiences. It gave me what I needed and I am grateful! Slow your roll with DMT and I think you may find when you use it in moderation the magic will come back. You can't force a square peg into a round hole.... unless.....maybe....

 

[POST BALONE]

consider meditating on your expectations , your situation and giving a sort of unconscious offering of sorts. beside telling you something , like a warning lamp on a dash board ( oil change time) frustrating situations can be shifted into gratitude by considering your self blessed to be where you have been and then at the same time prepare your self for where you will want to go .

especially at times such as night nights / early morning pee pee - sleep drifting with a purpose , when you are just on the edge of consciousness , as you prepare for the nights rest begin to form a concept that you can repeat as you fade . meditate on what you would like to overcome and keep that close to you as you "fast" or take a break .

often times when i have a mental block or i am trying to achieve a real life goal and i am stuck the answers will come to me at the most unusual of times. usually its not when i am involved in the conflict or in need of the answer . its like we block ourselves .

the amount of things i have figured out on the toilet is not few . same with driving , the problems i have solved while falling asleep or just waking , as most often my body will wake me to use the restroom and in those short few steps enough blood will pump to my cortex to get the old mellon ball chugging and it autopilot fixs the stuff i was too stuborn to see when i was in motion , working the first time around , while i am on the pot .

utilizing these times to odd , mostly throw away moments to meditate , solve problems and put things into place and i should say these may not be the ideal times for you , but for me it has always been about those in between moments when magic can happens , i can also attest to these times being equally active for setting goals , plowing thru mental road blocks and willing things into virtual existence for me as often when my normal mode is in operation something about this is flawed , something resists the spark of divine inspiration . this may not be a good answer for you , its something i have been realizing more and more as i get older and i saw an opportunity to bend the conversation my way so please take no offense / ignore me .

consider your self blessed , either way as you are

 

[1uvakind]

This talk of breathing caught my attn... My gf n I always sit with one another when we smoke... N twice now shes came bk sayin "they" are tellin her to breathe n also tellin her to tel me to breathe n how important it is... She said when the thought of breath n breathing n how it can affect the trip first came to her a huge cartoonish Panda face got right in her face smiling n nodding "YESsss":d ...ha... N "tel him too" it said... Ha...

 

[Tara123]

Me too

It's been a few weeks now. I am doing doses that I did before but nothing happens.

I still feel that the DMT is working on me. That having the intention to trip, and trying, still leaves it's mark on my consciousness. So I'm not pushing it. Just trying.

I have this idea that when I'm ready to hand myself over I'll be allowed back in :shock: but maybe I'm wrong

 

[Johnsonptd]

Last big dose I had was at a festival a few years back. Bought two eights of equadorian cubes. Took one of them and went for a walk while they kicked in. Hour later still wasn’t feeling anything. Took the second eighth and still nothing was happening. Bummed out, I sat down.
Dr. Dreads comes up to me and I tell him what’s going on. He tells me a story of how a Buddha was given a tab of acid. Nothing happens, so they give him another one, and another. Ten tabs of lsd and the guy was unaffected...because he was “already there.” As I understood what he was saying I said, “I just want to feel.” Right then it all hit me, all 7grams, coursing through my blood. I felt alive, vibrating. Wasn’t long till I wanted to get the hell out of there to somewhere quiet. The music! So damn loud!! Tried to find a spot to sleep in the woods, but way too many wolves eating me in my imagination. Eventually I drove out of there terrified of everything. Somehow I made it home safely without losing my mind.

I feel like this experience relates to yours in that it stopped working for me as well. I think what I learned in that trip was that I had been taught everything I needed to know at that point in my life, and ten more tabs of acid or grams of fungus weren’t going to do or reveal anything to me.

I read somewhere that what we learn in these rabbit holes/visions can improve our lives if we can learn to live without it for a while. This was at a point when I was highly dependent on cannabis to function in my daily life. When I couldn’t do simple things without burning one first, when it became the answer to every problem. I knew I had to stop but didn’t know how. Often times when I was blown out doing dabs, I would realize I’m not breathing, like I’d forgotten how to breathe...and have to make a conscious effort to keep taking air in and out.

A friend gave me a book called “A new earth” by Eckhart Tolle, who I find a lot of inspiration from. In it there’s a passage that says “Be aware of your breathing as often as you are able, whenever you remember. Do that for one year, and it will be more powerfully transformative than any spiritual course.”

This was a little over a year ago. Another passage after that I would read first thing every morning. “Be aware of your breathing. Notice the sensation of the breath. Feel the air moving in and out of your body. Notice how the chest and abdomen expand and contract slightly with the in and out breath. One conscious breath is enough to make some space where before there was the uninterrupted succession of one thought after another. One conscious breath (two or three even better), taken many times a day, is an excellent way of bringing space into your life. Even if you meditated on your breathing for two hours or more, one breath is all you ever need to be aware of, indeed ever can be aware of. The rest is memory or anticipation, which is to say, thought. Breathing isn’t really something that you do but something that you witness as it happens. Breathing happens by itself. The intelligence within the body is doing it. All you have to do is watch it happening.”

My life has changed a lot since then, though I feel I still have a lot to learn. When you said you felt let down about that experience, I thought you should know, that many believe breath to be a key to inner transformation. And how beautifully represented by her demonstration. My friend, you are blessed to have a teacher like that.

 

[Randomness]

I have had DMT, mushrooms and acid all stop working. Have consumed over 1/2 a gram of spice in a session before and hit the wall where vaping more just does nothing.

Just take a big old break from it and enjoy the rest of what life has to offer, you really don’t need to be doing it all the time.

I only blast off 3 or 4 times a year now, when I really feel pull, it’s kind of like visiting an old friend. Mushrooms still do nothing.

The way I see it with psychedelics is that it’s like exploring, visit somewhere new and uncharted and you can call yourself an explorer, keep going back to that same old place and it is just revisiting the same old territory. It’s actually fairly pointless as far as self exploration goes.

Move forward in life, it is such a wonderful journey