I've been lurking for a while but it was actually your (Pandora) thread about existential/midlife crises that made me join. I'm going through the same thing and it was good to know that I wasn't suffering alone. (not that I would wish any crisis of the mind on anyone)

It's the reason I am not touching spice at this stage... it will either pull me out of my current funk, or hyperslap me sideways and I couldn't possibly deal with that right now.

What I want more than anything in my life is a stable and permanent belief system of sorts. Even if that ends up being staunch atheism, as long as I can abide by and celebrate it and be happy. If there is a god, then we ourselves are it for sure. Mushrooms have made me realize that consciousness is the most complex thing in the universe but it can also take a simpler form that runs though everything, including what we would normally perceive as sterile.

One thing is for sure, life is the universe sensing and experiencing itself. Everything is one. At least I'm sure of that.