Ah, the teen years are always confusing and hard. When trauma gets mixed into things diagnosis get more and more abstract. Well, if you did well on mushrooms I think those would be an excellent launch pad until you get off your current medication regiment. Mushrooms can go just as far as Ayahuasca although the experiences are quiet different.

You said you were from california right? I'd really recommend looking for high CBD and low THC strains. Such as low-rider or other-wise. Though I don't personally have experience with them there is promising information(from studies) that CBD can help with psychosis as well as things like bipolar disorder and of course pain management. THC on the other hand not so much. When I move to a medical state I plan on solely using this plant for a medication.

I feel for what you've gone through, though I cannot relate directly I've been hit really hard by life several times as well.*big hug* It's kind of my safety reflex to say bipolar people shouldn't do psychedelics. Truly manic depressives and schizoaffectives are a very different story then someone who deals with mood swings(especially suffering from trauma). For example someone who has been hospitalized for mania is probably not in safe shape to take psychedelics and certainly not frequently. Though someone who has ups and downs but is managing and functioning fine in life could and likely should explore. For early journeys its best to have a trip sitter, just someone you genuinely trust and enjoy to be able to talk you down in-case things get too heavy. Preferably someone respectful and experienced but other substitutes will suffice .

Personally, I never found smoked DMT to help me too much psychologically, although it certainly is enlightening(whatever that word really means hahaha). It often spun me out. Though we are two different people with two different lives I really would like to recommend lower end dosages of longer acting psychedelics. Mushrooms especially. Mushrooms let me forgive a person who took advantage of me when I was drunk/passed out and helped me realize a lot of the processes in my head and negative patterns in my life. Which has given me a lot of ground to grow from, still learning every day and its been months since the last visit.

Ayahuasca really helped me to get some work done, so did pharmahuasca but your medication regiment shouldn't include these plants(yet). When you get off of them though and make some more progress toward recovery I'd really recommend the experience .

These plant teachers and active compounds can help us find things with-in ourselves to help ourselves. It is a relationship that requires work and the experience really reflects who we are and just what the extent of that is or may be. It's all about finding our allies and learning/experiencing ourselves(in my opinion). Everyone reacts differently to different situations, methods, and substances.

edit- also I recommend not reading too many trip reports because they will influence your trips!

I am hoping the best for you, I think you are in the right place and at the right time. There's no rush though, go with what you feel is right and find your own pace :thumb_up: .