I just had a very weird experience

[Jan e Kharabat]

This is going to be a long ass report!

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: weird... I have overworked myself in the past few months, I am going away to a far off place for a few months, and I am at a crossroads in life, things are about to change, and I am just... between things, waiting for some to be over and others to begin.
(physical condition) Set: Tired even though I didn't do much
Setting (location): In my room, sitting in front of my "lab" desk.
time of day: past midnight, 12:15 or something
recent drug use: DMT about 12 hours ago, mushrooms 4 days ago
last meal: 2 hours ago, a "Brötchen"

PARTICIPANT
Gender: transfeminine
body weight: 62kg
known sensitivities: none
history of use: fairly experienced with DMT, not so much with anything else. In the past year I have vaped DMT about... 10 times or so. Did mushrooms once, MDMA twice, weed... twice a month or so.

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT... or jungle spice? I dunno, I will further explain in the experience report
Dose(s): unknown, but I only took one average drag, and usually I cannot take more than 10-12mg in a single drag
Method of administration: vaporized with divine crossing v5

EFFECTS[/u]
Duration: about 10 min
First effects: Right from the very beginning, it felt different! the taste was different, so was the smell and the change in appearance of objects around was different from the usual DMT effect. The come up was much faster, or at least the come up of usual DMT is much slower for me.
Peak: around 6-7 min
Come down: I was shaking a bit, probably from fear, I had all sorts of fears by the end.
Baseline: after 15 min I was back again, but couldn't stop thinking about it

Intensity (overall): well it was a full breakthrough... but I cannot say how intense, it was weird! it was not DMT!

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 1
Unplesantness: The trip itself was mostly ok, the unpleasantness came around the end, which I would say was... between 2-3
Visual Intensity: 4
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.
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AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: A little shaky, but soon it was all good
Afterglow: good in a sense that I am in my curios "what the fuck was that" mode, and now I have to think of explanations, come up with new theories and test them etc... just when I thought I had DMT figured out! but yeah at least I dont feel dull as I was before the trip


REPORT
So... there's a whole lot of background I have to explain first! DMT and I have the kind of relationship one has with cats... when I prepare everything, weigh everything, am careful about set and setting etc, DMT gives me the attitude! it just doesn't work... I get annoyed, I say goodbye, and get on with my life. Then someday, randomly, I vape a tiny bit and... I'm gone! I have crazy experiences when I least expect them...

So anyways, I had a very difficult experience with mushrooms last saturday. I gained access to a seemingly infinite ocean of memory, I could remember everything, every tiny detail of everything we perceive all the time but don't notice. I was shown that we perceive everything all the time, and that truly is... hell! Along with it came my childhood memories and along with them all the trauma. There was nothin new, I knew all those stories, I had told them over and over to everyone so many times, and I always tell these stories with a smile on my face, or joke about them etc. but this time... this time I could feel it all... it was too much, it was sheer horror. It happened around the end of the trip, the trip itself was all good, but then the memories came, and the pain I felt was simply too much. I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself, the suicidal thoughts became intrusive and compulsive, that's when I called my housemate, she came and held me and I cried and cried for hours. I haven't cried over my trauma ever! this was the first time... It was an ocean full of pain and misery and I could only shed so many tears... I fell into a hole, the same hole which was my home once... back when I used to be severely depressed, before my encounter with DMT.

Anyways, it took me a day or two and mentally I got better, but physically, my body is extremely tired, I have pains everywhere. So today I thought, may be I should do DMT, and I did... I took 15mg, the onset was strong enough and felt like 15mg, but then it all just abruptly vanished... no breakthrough, nothing! during the onset I heard two entities talking to each other, one had a sharp, higher pitched voice, the other a low pitched voice. They were talking to each other but it was just... sounds! no words... I didn't know what they were saying. But anyways, everything just abruptly vanished. I was a bit upset, I was like... I need you right now and you abandon me in my hour of need...

So I spent the day finishing the few experiments I have been doing the past few weeks. During the extraction I tested different fractions, e.g the oil that is stuck at the bottom of the dish after freeze precipitation, I vaped that, it was inactive! and it didn't get absorbed in the lungs. Also, it doesn't vaporize, it burns! smoke comes out when you exhale. I did several different A/B cycles, salting with fumaric acid. I noticed that the fat layer between polar and non polar phase grew smaller, so I thought that the amount of plant fats is getting smaller with every cycle. It was a bit complicated process, I didn't discard anything while salting out, I let the fumarate crystals crash out, and then decanted and evaped the mother liquor, I would thus end up with two fractions, fumarate and the residue from evap. And then I would basify the fumarate, pull with heptane, freeze precipitate, collect the pure white DMT, evap the heptane, and collect the residue, and repeat the same process with the combined residue fractions. In the end, I was still left with some yellow/orange DMT which I thought must be the so called "polymer". . So I did one final A/B, ended up with a few pure white crystals, and an oily layer at the bottom. The DMT crystals were few, I individually collected them without having to scrape off the whole dish. Then I scrapped off all the oil, I ended up with red/orange wax. I evaped the heptane and ended up with... milky off white oil, which had a much thinner consistency, wouldn't solidify, wouldn't even turn into wax!

So, I scrapped it all up, put it all in the vaporizer cup and thought to myself... well... one last test! I took one hit which was not so long. The taste and smell were different, but it wasn't like the plant fats I had tried before. The smell and taste reminded me of Chaliponga... I made ayahuasca using chaliponga once, I vommited everything out too soon, so I ran an extraction on the left over liquid and ended up with some crystals. Both the liquid and the crystals had that smell and taste. Anyways, the onset was also different, the textures were different, and when I exhaled, nothing came out! it all go absorbed... and within seconds I was gone... I ended up in a space where the DMT as I know it was on one side, and this "other" something on the other. Two entities were pushing against each other, the DMT one I am familiar with, and the "other", The other entity wasn't exactly dark, wasn't exactly evil either, but she was... aggressive! she didn't care about me or the other dmt entity, she just wanted all the space to herself. From her behavior, motion, sounds etc. she was similar to other dmt entities I know already, but while other are loving, she was devoid of love! entities annoy me and tease me all the time, but in a playful manner! they still have love in their heart, they want no harm for me. But she was different... she told me she is real, that she is taking over, she is here to hijack, to take this space for herself, and she is not going away! she is here to stay, forever! I was unsure what to make of it all, so to make me believe that she is "real", she gave me two little rocks, more like terp balls. She was made of several terp balls, those were parts of her body. She put the two terp balls in my mouth and made me bite, they crumbled between my teeth, I could taste them, they tasted like the dmt entities... I have tasted the entities before... they taste like rocks, like minerals! those terp balls tasted similar although somewhat different. And then, one of them fell out of my mouth... thats when shit got really real! I opened my eyes, saw her minions dancing all around me. She was yelling "I told you I won't go away!". I freaked out a bit... I thought what if the trip doesn't end... I have a flight to catch soon, how will pass through all the security if I am tripping and have these entities dancing around me... in the end I said to her... well... if you're not going away then... ummm I won't get off this chair! I will just sit here... forever! I felt stupid saying that, but I was desperate! She did vanish though, but not because she wanted to...

This thing was different... I had hardly any physical sensations, no euphoric waves running through my body, no tears rolling down my eyes (which almost always happens during the come down). It was a purely visual and mental experience. Visually, I have never seen something like this, two different worlds colliding, two radically different worlds, one trying to push the other away and so on... I don't know what to make of it all... but I still have that oil left and the curiosity is killing me... I will give it one more try soon... this experience has gotten me thinking about the whole jungle spice thing... I was sure that it was just dmt, that everything else was inactive. Also, I don't know if this was from that wax, or the whitish liquid... or both? I will have to design a whole new set of experiments...

 

[downwardsfromzero]

So DMT got very weird - that's kind of normal... DMT does have a reputation for getting weirder, after all.

Outside of there being something different about this oily or waxy product that you vaped, another possibility is that this is still essentially just DMT and the experience was highlighting a perspective on the process which got kicked off, or brought to the surface, during your recent difficult psilo experience.

It feels to me also that the time pressure you were feeling got reflected in a small anxiety of needing to come down in time to get you stuff together for the (real [sic] world) flight. If that was indeed the case.

Which plant did your material come from? The white oil kind of hints at containing NMT perhaps.

Just when I thought I had DMT figured out!

There you go...



Sending you hugs

 

[Jan e Kharabat]

Yeah... I wrote the report right after. There are multiple other explanations, the taste and smell might have triggered some psychological response. The smell was rather disgusting, like burnt oil or something. I once gave my vape to a friend for a few days. Before returning it, he cleaned it with... what he claims was only some alcohol, but I am sure it was some parfume. I couldn't get rid of that smell and it annoyed the shit out if me. I couldn't breakthrough, I was just confused and scattered the whole time, and I could feel that smell in my mouth and airways the whole time...

Anyways, I will repeat the process a few months later when I am back again and will test it with a tlc kit. I extracted from mhrb, not sure if there is NMT in there.

 

[downwardsfromzero]

Taste and smell are massively important in this game. One of my main pieces of advice for friends who have asked me about neophyte tripping is to ensure that your tripping location is clean and smells nice. I can imagine that a tainted pipe would be very distracting.

Is there a possibility that you could send a specimen or two for analysis? MHRB occasionally contains trace amounts of NMT, plus a β-carboline. If your oily and waxy materials were the result of a prolonged work-up of a large amount of plant material there's perhaps a chance that you may have concentrated some trace component or other.

 

[downwardsfromzero]

Taste and smell are massively important in this game. One of my main pieces of advice for friends who have asked me about neophyte tripping is to ensure that your tripping location is clean and smells nice. I can imagine that a tainted pipe would be very distracting.


Is there a possibility that you could send a specimen or two for analysis? MHRB occasionally contains trace amounts of NMT, plus a β-carboline. If your oily and waxy materials were the result of a prolonged work-up of a large amount of plant material there's perhaps a chance that you may have concentrated some trace component or other.

 

[Cazman043]

You speak of being at a crossroads in your life at present. I wonder if the hallucinogenics are amplifying this state of mind?

If so, what insight can you gain about this crossroads? Is there an opportunity for acceptance and surrender? And are hallucinogenics currently serving you in this moment of life?
Often I find in my own personal life, that there's a choice when in between the crossroads - to go through willingly or wilfully.

I think it sounds like a very difficult but soulful journey, crying about trauma from shrooms, that hasn't yet had tears been shed for, is a step in the healing journey.

DMT entities, I believe seem to be archetypes of consciousness, this stubborn one you came into contact with, unwilling to leave or move, I wonder if there's a part in you that can be stubborn and unwilling to move, and what would happen if it received love and nurture?

Blessings on your journeys friend,
Hyperspace can be a very strange place.

 

[Jan e Kharabat]

Is there a possibility that you could send a specimen or two for analysis? MHRB occasionally contains trace amounts of NMT, plus a β-carboline. If your oily and waxy materials were the result of a prolonged work-up of a large amount of plant material there's perhaps a chance that you may have concentrated some trace component or other.

I had to take the vape with me on the flight so I cleaned up the cup. I did try it one more time, I didn't feel anything except for the mild threshold level DMT effects. Yet, the ringing in my ears was somewhat different from the DMT sounds. I also had a mild headache afterwards and the burnt oil taste lingered in my mouth for hours afterwards.

I'll be back in 3 months and will repeat the whole process and this time, try to be more careful, take notes etc. It was a shit ton of work but I will do it again. I actually extracted from 500g mhrb, gave away most of the crude extract to a few friends, and the remaining 2-2.5g was what I used to perform the whole process. I ended up with... about 1ml of dark waxy stuff and around half ml of the transparent odorless oil. And I will try to do TLC myself and if possible, also get it analyzed somewhere.

what insight can you gain about this crossroads?

well... DMT mostly showed me beauty at a time when all I could see was suffering and misery in life. There were a few experiences where I was given a wider view of the suffering in the world, where I was made to realize that this tale of suffering is billions of years old, and countless, countless beings have lived and died and experienced all sorts of things, all sorts of joys and pains, the pains which enable all those joys and the joys which lead to all those pains. Yet, while the experience was overwhelming, it was still focused mainly on the beauty of this tale of suffering, of its mind boggling scale and complexity and its overwhelmingness. In those experiences, I was a mere observer, I wasn't the one suffering myself. Mushrooms let me experience a tiny bit of that suffering, they let me see another dimension of this story, that of the experience of pain.

At one point the experience turned extremely dark, yet very insightful. I had this thought in my mind, that everything is suffering, that suffering is the overarching category which spans across all the good and bad, that it is not only pain that is suffering, but even happiness is tied to some amount of suffering. The idea was that the soul has to "work" to experience anything. In a way, when something good happens, you have to make yourself accept it as good and make yourself feel the happiness. It's work! and because of that, one feels a bit tired after feeling happy. The euphoria comes and goes, and afterwards... the soul feels a bit tired, wanting to rest and return to a neutral state of homeostasis. The thought went on and turned into "every single bit of conscious experience is suffering", that we are conscious and we cannot stop being conscious, that we perceive all the time, that our soul works and labors all the time, that this is hell, something we cannot escape from, for the conscious mind is eternal, god is eternal, and god is suffering...

This all sounds rather Buddhistic, and I find it surprising because I never seriously entertained these ideas. After DMT, I became too focused on the beauty, and became somewhat ignorant of suffering, the kind which is perhaps rooted in the very foundation of consciousness. I was more focused on the suffering we cause ourselves and each other, the suffering caused by ego and by structures of class and exploitation. Mushrooms showed me that there is yet another side which one ought not to forget, although it might still, in a way, be less important than the other two. My desire for ascetism has radically increased... I don't want to shy away from the suffering around me, I want to be aware of it, and to whatever extent possible, I want to suffer with my fellow humans. I am a simple person with a very simple life, I wear the same shoes until they break from multiple places... I buy one or two clothes in a year, and that too because my parents force me too. Whenever I visit my parents, they push me to go for the easier options, take a taxi instead of the public transport etc etc. This time, I am trying not to do any of that, to keep my consumption to the lowest minimum. Music is enough to bring me peace, and if I have peace in my heart, what more could I want? My refusal of consumption doesn't amount to much, or perhaps anything at all. But it is an expression of my disdain towards this system, a small insignificant cry of rebellion which perhaps shall never be heard by more than a few, and shared by fewer still.

And yes, as a child I used be very stubborn, and I am still stubborn in many ways. I do things my way, and I do things which I consider right or acceptable. I cannot accept things without being fully convinced, so yeah, may be it was that part! although... I don't take over other people's space... not without asking at least.

 

[downwardsfromzero]

crying about trauma from shrooms, that hasn't yet had tears been shed for, is a step in the healing journey.

I just love this snippet. If your experience will be anything like mine, a good shroom-assisted blub will give you literal superpowers :shock:

 

[Cazman043]

This all sounds rather Buddhistic, and I find it surprising because I never seriously entertained these ideas. After DMT, I became too focused on the beauty, and became somewhat ignorant of suffering, the kind which is perhaps rooted in the very foundation of consciousness.


It did come across as very Buddhistic :lol: I think there is much inherent wisdom through Buddhism, and personally have found myself aligning with much of it's philosophy, particularly with psychedelics being comparable to much of the Buddhist literature - the Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying - discusses the 6 bardo states, which very much correlates with psychedelic experience.

One thing I'd like to offer, I can hear your compassion in sharing in the suffering with others, this is very much an insight of wisdom, in witnessing the suffering of others, and being with them in that suffering, just remember that compassion is only complete when it also includes yourself. It's okay to give a little to yourself