1664
Rising Star
There have been quite a few reports lately of people having bad experiences. Maybe these reports influenced the fact I had my first bad one, maybe not. My apologies for creating another thread along these lines, but I could do with some support to learn from the experience.
Most of the bad trip reports seem to stem from a reason, be it poor set or setting, being drunk, casual about what was being undertaken and so on and so forth.
That's part of the reason I am shaken by what happened with me. I had had a good day at work, was feeling very positive about life. I had done my ritual of tidying, exercise, quiet time, relaxation and contemplation of what I was trying to achieve. Even with hindsight, I consider I was in a good mindset. All was well.
Up to this point my dozen or so brekthroughs have been amazing, visual, loving. I have been smoking maybe once a fortnight, but more recently, the experiences have become slightly more foggy. The visuals have decreased and some of the benevolence faded. I put this down to smoking a spliff or two before the journey, so decided to cut that out. Last night I was in good shape.
Interestingly, before the main event, I loaded 40mg of 1:1 caapi leaf : spice, and smoked it perfectly, but there was almost zero effect. I put this down to maybe an uneven distribution of spice in my changa blend. (is this possible?) This slightly perturbed me, but none the less, afterwards, I loaded 75mg of changa (so 37.5mg spice), my "regular" breakthrough dose.
Immediately after clearing the bowl, I felt myself falling downward in a spiral. I lack the ability to articulate it, but I emerged in a grey / black place, with a huddle of beings that I can only describe as absolute evil waiting for me. Things turned very sour indeed. I became extremely scared. My fight or flight reaction kicked in. I wanted out. Somehow I managed to be aware enough to have an emergency talk with myself. "You can't escape, you are going to have to tough this out" I managed to keep myself from getting out of control and into total panic, but it was very, very close.
After maybe 2 or 3 mins, I opened my eyes and recognised parts of my room. This grounded me somewhat. I had gotten away from whatever it was. I felt as if I had escaped the jaws of the beast, and calmed myself back to baseline. I have crashed a car at 90mph and been beaten up by a group of 10 guys before, but never have I felt such primal fear as I did last night.
Many Nexians more wise and experienced than me state that you must always surrender. I simply could not surender to what I saw. I had to try and escape. Has anyone felt this same terror, and if so, is the way forward to surrender to it (dear God how do you do you surrender to that?) or do I put this down as a bad trip for reasons unknown? Is facing this evil necessary to emerge from the other side, (total ego loss maybe?), or was this a freak event?
I am going to take a long break to integrate etc. But I would like to go back, hopefully I can learn from this. Any help appreciated Nexus.
With much love.
A shaken 1664.
Most of the bad trip reports seem to stem from a reason, be it poor set or setting, being drunk, casual about what was being undertaken and so on and so forth.
That's part of the reason I am shaken by what happened with me. I had had a good day at work, was feeling very positive about life. I had done my ritual of tidying, exercise, quiet time, relaxation and contemplation of what I was trying to achieve. Even with hindsight, I consider I was in a good mindset. All was well.
Up to this point my dozen or so brekthroughs have been amazing, visual, loving. I have been smoking maybe once a fortnight, but more recently, the experiences have become slightly more foggy. The visuals have decreased and some of the benevolence faded. I put this down to smoking a spliff or two before the journey, so decided to cut that out. Last night I was in good shape.
Interestingly, before the main event, I loaded 40mg of 1:1 caapi leaf : spice, and smoked it perfectly, but there was almost zero effect. I put this down to maybe an uneven distribution of spice in my changa blend. (is this possible?) This slightly perturbed me, but none the less, afterwards, I loaded 75mg of changa (so 37.5mg spice), my "regular" breakthrough dose.
Immediately after clearing the bowl, I felt myself falling downward in a spiral. I lack the ability to articulate it, but I emerged in a grey / black place, with a huddle of beings that I can only describe as absolute evil waiting for me. Things turned very sour indeed. I became extremely scared. My fight or flight reaction kicked in. I wanted out. Somehow I managed to be aware enough to have an emergency talk with myself. "You can't escape, you are going to have to tough this out" I managed to keep myself from getting out of control and into total panic, but it was very, very close.
After maybe 2 or 3 mins, I opened my eyes and recognised parts of my room. This grounded me somewhat. I had gotten away from whatever it was. I felt as if I had escaped the jaws of the beast, and calmed myself back to baseline. I have crashed a car at 90mph and been beaten up by a group of 10 guys before, but never have I felt such primal fear as I did last night.
Many Nexians more wise and experienced than me state that you must always surrender. I simply could not surender to what I saw. I had to try and escape. Has anyone felt this same terror, and if so, is the way forward to surrender to it (dear God how do you do you surrender to that?) or do I put this down as a bad trip for reasons unknown? Is facing this evil necessary to emerge from the other side, (total ego loss maybe?), or was this a freak event?
I am going to take a long break to integrate etc. But I would like to go back, hopefully I can learn from this. Any help appreciated Nexus.
With much love.
A shaken 1664.
