• Members of the previous forum can retrieve their temporary password here, (login and check your PM).

I thought I had killed myself......

Migrated topic.
Not Sure

Not Sure

Rising Star
A few years ago after SWIM got off the phone with another thinker of the universe and decided to learn esoterically. SWIM was stoned and didn't really measure or give much concern to the dose of spice SWIM prepped for SWIMself. SWIM went into SWIMs bedroom and sat on a pillow on SWIM's bed in the lotus position. SWIM got a large breath of divinity ready- inhaled it then held it in while prepping the next. SWIM exhaled and started to sit in 'gods toy box'. SWIM wasn't paying attention again( SWIM was focusing on love to extinguish SWIM's fear) and the second time SWIM inhaled it was rather large(like fucking huge!). SWIM held it in because SWIM want to know and this was going to show SWIM something SWIM was sure of it. Things were getting very intense and SWIM still was holding it in to the point that breathing no longer mattered and SWIM forgot about holding it in and SWIM is not sure when SWIM exhaled. SWIM started to feel a pull like SWIM has never felt but was so very familiar/natural/renewing/fearless/loving.....SWIM was becoming unaware of my body and only felt my heart beating. SWIM thought OH SHIT I think I did too much! then within seconds SWIM thought about every person that SWIM loved in my life and about them finding my body laying on my bed. STAY HERE STAY HERE SWIM kept repeating in SWIM's mind. SWIM shut SWIM's eyes then lean forward as to catch SWIM's atman. All at once lightning colors and patterns surged though SWIM's head. SWIM wasn't afraid to leave, in fact it felt good. SWIM was afraid for those whom SWIM loved and the pain it may cause them in SWIM's death. A big explosive flash from the lightning and SWIM was looking at my room again like a peak of a LSD thumb print dose. SWIM thought SWIM's ride was over but then it started back again and stayed within the boundaries of SWIM's bedroom. SWIM's abilities to write limit the indescribable experience SWIM had.

SWIM later read that its next to impossible to overdose on DMT.

The next day SWIM tried to have that experience again, to confront death but SWIM's mind and experience put SWIM in a different direction. SWIM didn't hit it as hard as the previous night, but SWIM came to terms with fear and how it keeps us all here and controls every aspect of our reality. SWIM rose up from SWIM's bed and walked into the bathroom looking at SWIMself in the mirror. SWIM have never saw SWIMself without judgment before. SWIM looked into SWIM's eyes and examined SWIM's facial features, all the while SWIM saw and felt the flowers on the wallpaper racing around in SWIM's peripheral vision. SWIM saw SWIM's body giving off subtle flame shaped energy. If you would like to understand what it looked like check out Alex Grey's art work and you will get a grain of sand to its beach

Once again life is beautiful and SWIM will continue to write about these experiences.
 
Welcome to the Nexus!

It's nice not to be afraid of death, and now that you're not afraid of over-doing it, you'll probably have a lot of fun in there. Don't be over-confident though, those who are tend to get slapped around, or so I hear :)

I've never looked into the mirror on DMT, I like to just close my eyes, but it sounds like an interesting idea. So it didn't cause any anxiety?
 
i truly know what u mean about your loved ones, i had the same feeling. no matter how hard u try to describe it the experience is undescribable.
thanx for sharing.
 
Hi and welcome!

I read your report with interest - thanks for sharing.

When this first happened to me (the absolute certainty of death- now), I too was very focussed on those I was leaving behind. This was my major regret and sorrow. The rest of the process I was able to accept as humility was all I had left at that point.

The actual transition of death appeared as though designed to be very 'easy' on the soul. The killing was kind. Always there was the absolute inevitability. The ending of time. No negotiation.

I've also tried to go back and "confront death" but I bottle it every time! I get to a certain point and remember that it's actually real in there. Sort of like "shit, I told myself last time that this is the way out and never to come back- why did I come back here? I may not escape this time :shock: ." True, it's familiar and loving as you say, but it's also the end.

I've read a lot of reports now and this experience does seem to be more likely with unmeasured dosage.

Mirrors are just completely weird for me, but fascinating- I just can't help but look.

look forward to hearing more from you in the future my friend.
 
Thank you for welcoming me with kindness. Did I need to use SWIM as much as i did?

Mirrors are kinda reflective for me (duh), but I mean I see me for what my interpretation of reality is at the time I look. I feel different but the same. Its always a positive action for me when tripping, looking in the mirror, cause I do not get anxious or scared. I can remember how I felt at different times in my life and how different my interpretation of everything was vs how it has become. I notice the difference in my senses, if they feel sharper or if they have dulled over time. I get the same thing with music. Some songs trigger the memory of a perception of reality I used to know.

I hope that was clear.
 
Shayku said:
Don't be over-confident though, those who are tend to get slapped around, or so I hear :)
Click to expand...
i recently was slapped around hard for being over-confident...it whupped my ass...i was mentally and spiritually raped by the cosmos, and almost never wanted to try it again,...but i have 10grams MHRB soaking in vinegar-water for a tea with syrian rue...so i aint done yet:wink:
 
killuminati420 said:
Shayku said:
Don't be over-confident though, those who are tend to get slapped around, or so I hear :)
Click to expand...
i recently was slapped around hard for being over-confident...it whupped my ass...i was mentally and spiritually raped by the cosmos, and almost never wanted to try it again,...but i have 10grams MHRB soaking in vinegar-water for a tea with syrian rue...so i aint done yet:wink:
Click to expand...

Good job, sometimes we need to fall in order to pick ourselves back up. When I was young and learning to snow ski the first thing the instructor taught us all was to fall without hurting ourselves.
 
It's very beautiful you see, to be lifted in to the scenery of death. And death is nothing- just an ending to an eternal beginning.

It's always nice to hear from a fellow traveler, thanks for posting your incredible experience.
 
Not Sure said:
Thank you for welcoming me with kindness. Did I need to use SWIM as much as i did?
Click to expand...
Someone Who Isn't Myself would be exactly that. If it was YOUR experience, you don't have to use SWIM at all. Omit names, obvious locations and anything too distracting from the main point, the EXPERIENCE. It was a good report, but it seems you dived in recently, didn't think about the experience and wrote up something as fast as possible. Remember that it is always there, that you did in fact go there, and you can recall it at anyalltimes. The report I dropped took me nearly 10 months to put a linear aspect to, enough to understand for the uninitiated. Also, eyeballing is never a great idea, though you cannot overdose, in this situation, less is more. Overdoing it can punch you through to some coordinates that you didn't want to see.
 
Welcome to the nexus and thanks for sharing. I recomend looking into the mirror on any psychedelic.

As for using "swim" its up to you. I used to use it a lot and sometimes still do but for the most part if the authorities are going to bust you I don't think "swim" is gonna help. But who knows. :d
 
Back
Top Bottom